When a Loved One Dies

Plenty of well wishers, trying to console you, will say things like “There was a reason.” With all respect, phooey on that-ey. You need not figure out The Official Purpose or any other meant-to-be. Instead, live in the now. Do the best you can, day by day, so you won’t feel like the losing contestant in some quiz show.

One of the most peculiar things about living at Earth School, I’ve found, is that troubles often cause us to seek one big, conclusive answer, as if that would magically solve anything.

Actually, we’re better off if we leave those big answers for the back of a math book. Earth School is a place to learn by being and doing and dealing with consequences. Death does not require that you figure out anything. Death invites you to cope, to find a way to keep living.

2. Grief Takes Time

Don’t let anyone persuade you otherwise. Don’t rush to satisfy others, and don’t linger for their sakes, either.

But do use Deeper Perception to balance your grief. Every day, read three different gifts of the soul. Maybe start with three things about your physical face, because face reading is easy and always good for that. Next day, read three different things. Or else read three databanks in your aura, going all the way to those gifts of your soul.

Read yourself or read others, but do read. In the words of my favorite poet, Gerard Manley Hopkins, you will find “the dearest freshness deep down things.”

Spiritual insight is a natural balancer for grief.

3. Cut the Cord of Attachment

Cords don’t end with the death of the cordee, the person at the other end of a cord. And we do not have to dislike a person to have cords of attachment. With any important relationship, we have both a cord of attachment and a spiritual tie (more on that later).

Dynamics within a cord evolve as long as the cord exist. For example, sometimes that cord will re-circulate painful relationship dynamics from a long terminal illness.

Once I facilitated cutting the cord for a woman whose partner had died three years before. “Glenda“ didn‘t want to let go of “George.” Even though her goal in our session was “To get my life back,” cord items said things like, “Don’t ever leave me.” George had, in fact, stayed around just to help Glenda. During the session, I had the privilege of facilitating a conversation where Glenda finally gave George permission to go. Glenda’s grief had held both of them back a bit.

No matter what’s in your cord of attachment to the deceased, cut it. You will resolve unfinished business energetically.

4. Enjoy the Spiritual Tie

This is the undying part of any relationship, how you connect energetically to someone you love. All the love and learning stays with you, no matter what. Death cannot take away this precious gift of human life.

Not only are spiritual ties eternal. You could call them the opposite of a quick one-sentence answer about “My purpose.” Learning, in all its complications and wrinkles and contradictions–this soul-level growth you will keep always.

Here’s what does change, when a loved one dies. Once your loved one is well established on the Other Side, you will receive a big burst of joy. Your loved one is made whole, reconnected to Source, all human problems relinquished. Joy will flow to you straight through that spiritual tie. This is the true wealth that comes as inheritance.

5. Talk Through the Open Door

You need not be a psychic or medium. Anyone can talk to dead people–when it’s someone you love. A door opens and stays open for several months after the time of transition.

How do you consciously walk through to talk with the one you love? Close your eyes. Imagine a meeting place and start to daydream that both of you are there, talking. Soon that imaginative creation will become inwardly real. You can say your goodbyes. You can hear your loved one respond. Believe that conversation, and let it bring healing.

Yes, such conversations can also come through dreams. You can wait for them. But you don’t have to. No spiritual law proclaims, “To receive the biggest blessings, be passive and wait. Only then will your blessings be pure.”

Not so, unless you demand this be so: Instead, you can co-create with God at every level. So, of course, you can initiate a healing conversation. That’s why the door to the newly departed stays wide open for everyone.

Talk as often as you wish, as often as you need to. Just remember, your door is open. Love will keep it open for as long as you need to say goodbye.