Deer in Headlights Can Talk
December 4th, 2007 by Rose RosetreeOne Monday I’m sitting among the ultra-polite travelers at Narita airport. I’m eating lunch, serenely if clumsily using my new gift of monogrammed chopsticks.
Exactly one Monday later, I’m driving down a crazy stretch of suburban highway, headed toward a speaking engagement in Oakton,
Heading up one hill after another, I must resist the urge to break completely at the top until I can see what awaits me on the other side. Instead, I keep driving way too fast, like everyone else on the road.
Up one hill, down another, no pause and, yes, I am swerving! Some cars coming at me are not quite “coloring within the lines,” while my narrow lane has little room to buffer us from a head-on collision.
“You’re back now, Rose, deal with it” I say sternly, in the voice I reserve for bringing out my courage. Just then a small break appears in the oncoming traffic. Then two deer cross the road, left to right.
I just manage to break in time to let them pass. And since, mercifully, I’ve been spared the usual suburban tailgater, there is no car crash.
You know how people talk about the eyes of deer caught in the headlights. Does anyone ever talk about the other side of the story? Sumi masen, apologies all around. But let me whine a bit on behalf of us drivers in the suburbs where road kill is common. We, too, wear a somewhat crazed look. It is our own driver’s side deer-in-the-headlights expression of horror.
BUT THERE’S MORE
My very first talk to a group about the new book: That is my purpose in driving to Oakton. Rays of Healing is a sweet group that meets in a church owned by Unity of Fairfax.
An email announcement confirms the exact location at the church annex. Unfortunately, this email goes out by some kind of automated device that sends it at 2:30 a.m., many hours after the talk is over. (I know this now because I just checked my email, taking a break from writing this post.)
Lacking hindsight, I assume that we will meet exactly where we met last year. Someone from the church opens the front door and I enter the sanctuary. There I wait, alone in the cold and mostly dark church.
I wait. Then I wait some more. Have I just come way early? I’m sure that the date is right. For months I’ve been looking forward to giving this talk.
Ten minutes before I am scheduled to speak, a young man runs into the sanctuary.
“Are you Rose?” he asks. Then he ushers me to a different building across the parking log where the group always meets. (Always, as of seven months ago.)
Giving my first talk about the first book anywhere on the topic of cutting cords. Sitting in the dark, waiting for my people. Symbolism, anyone?
A NEW APPROACH
Cut Cords of Attachment: Heal Yourself and Others with Energy Spirituality, this is different from all my previous books. The official audience is healers of one kind or another, whether psychotherapists, grief counselors, psychic counselors, or (like the folks at Rays of Healing) energy workers, such as Reiki healers and angelic healers.
Most readers, of course, will purchase the book to learn to heal themselves.
Or else they will read in order to become better consumers, something badly needed in a marketplace where “cut cords of attachment” can mean almost anything.
I’m still learning how to present a book like this. Here is where you Blog-Buddies may be able to lend some wisdom.
How do I best explain this 12-step, trademarked system? I’m not going to take 40 minutes to do an ultra-personal healing in front of the group. Usually I can demonstrate cute, quick samples of face reading, aura reading, empathic merges. Skeptics turn to goo.
When presenting my novel for empaths, I just open the book and read excerpts. (At my talk for Rays of Healing, incidentally, two ladies announce that they absolutely love this book. Hooray!)
But presenting the topic of cutting cords? This is a way-huge topic. It changes lives, but it isn’t cute.
And what do I do when people are skeptical that my 12 steps even work? I mention that I’ve done it professionally for 20 years, that I have clients on five continents. Stories are available. Yet many in the audience keep chewing their gum and a few simply scowl, as though I am merely bragging, not saying a word that is useful. When will I show them the good stuff?
Japanese audiences for a month have, perhaps, spoiled me. From birth, they have been trained not to look disgusted in public.
Actually, most of my audience last night seems appreciative; the champion scowler walks out after half an hour and a high percentage of the participants buy my new book. Still, I have been flummoxed by some of their questions.
Many questioners clearly don’t believe that it was okay to cut cords of attachment, not even when:
- I explain that my 12 steps include how to consult with a Divine Being to receive permission before cutting a thing.
- I distinguish cords from spiritual ties, the completely separate (and un-cut-able) auric structures that re-circulate positive components of a relationship.
- Three times, in response to questions, I give different, detailed explanations about why nobody is hurt, ever, by the process of 12 Steps to Cut Cords of Attachment(TM).
- And, of course, I gave a modest selection of examples that show great results for my clients.
So I ask you, Blog-Buddies, is there anything else I can do for skeptics like these, other than hurling a salami at them, knocking them out, and hoping they’ll feel differently when they regain consciousness?
And here was my most bizarre experience of the whole evening. A woman asked, “What dramatic stories can you tell of physical healing that resulted from cutting cords?”
I answered her honestly. “None. This is a technique for spiritual and emotional healing. There can be some physical healing, but it is a side effect.”
My questioner looked at me in horrified disbelief. My answer was so clearly inadequate. And she, being a real sweetie, wasn’t going to let me humiliate myself in front of the audience. So she tried again. “What, you can’t tell any dramatic stories about physical healing that resulted from cutting cords?”
Apparently, for some physical healers, the big test is whether you can make the blind see. Nothing else matters.
I became equally horrified. Would she keep asking variations on the same question again and again, for hours? Would there be waterboarding until I came up with an acceptable type of story?
At this point, observant members of the audience would have seen a certain look on my face. This look is well known in pop culture. It is called “deer in the headlights.”
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Skeptics!!! Ahhh yes.. and no matter who you are and what you do.. including little ole me… there are skeptics in our midst, or those who “are not ready!”.
To me, this is your point…
To those who are ready to step into this, listen, absorb, they will be lead, for those that are unable to absorb what you have proven knowledge and repesent, are not ready. And at some point, they may be, and when they are, the good news is.. books stay around for a while, and it will come, in their time, period!
Just like I mentioned in a previous post here, when we are aware of so much and know we can help so many, we have to be patient and be what we wish others to be. Then we are grounded more in our selves and it draws more to us. I picture you looking at the audience and not looking to touch everyone there, but having a goal to reach some of them and then when you are done that goal will be achieved.
Hope this helps!
“Its the way that you tell them” springs to mind.
Some people have a certain way with words, and if Rose didn’t do what she does then there would be a good career as raconteur. (is that the right term ?)
It’s just beautiful, if only there was as CD titled “Healing bedtime stories” By Rose Rosetree it might just be on my Christmas list.
Brian
Oh my, my heart just opened right up! I’ve had similar run-ins in the past – people who wanted 100% guarantees and wouldn’t accept that they were responsible for actually doing the work, people who want evidence of immediate miracles. Unfortunately, this is why I’ve stopped aggressively marketing my services – it seems I’m one of the few who refuses to dumb things down or to allow clients to put the responsibility all on me!
I agree with CindySue – I’ll bet you’ve planted a few seeds, and they’ll know where to find you and your books when they’re ready.
It’s interesting that people generally seem to be more interested in results you can SEE than those you can FEEL. Wouldn’t you think that a difference in feeling would be enough evidence?
From my industry – who cares about moving or feeling better when they could painfully starve themselves to have a six-pack? I mean, you’re NOTHING without an instant six-pack…
What I’m really surprised about, though, is that you deal with ENERGY. I’m a bit puzzled as to why someone would be looking for a physical six-pack (or equivalent unlikely miracle) from non-physical energy? If you came up with some such gimmick, you’d probably make a killing on QVC!
Thanks to you both, Brian and CindySue of the many posts.
As I look back, it’s a funny tale, but the lesson in it is definitely the one you reminded me about, CindySue.
How do I best explain this 12-step, trademarked system?
I understand the need to have a trademark such as “12 Steps to Cut Cords of Attachment”, but this phrase tends to sound a lot like marketing speak. I think you should use it minimally, especially the 12 steps part. Your emphasis should be on the benefits of cutting cords of attachment, not the process of removing cords. One reason for this is that 12 steps to remove a cord of attachment sound like a lot of work even though most of the steps do not take very long to complete.
Another reason to keep the emphasis on the 12 steps part to a minimum is that the phrase “12 steps” has very negative connotations. When I hear it I automatically think of 12-step programs such as Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous. Any kind of program that involves a set of numbered steps has strong potential to arouse negative imagery in people’s minds. I have no personal experience with 12-step programs, but my understanding is that they were originally created in the 1930s, have changed very little since conception, and have no formal psychological or other scientific basis. A growing number of people believe that they are very ineffective. So a suggestion of mine is to be careful that people are not forming any such associations.
Of course, you are not starring in a reality television show, so I cannot watch your every action and be privy to every decision you make whenever you engage in public speaking or promotional activities, so maybe you are not overemphasizing the things I just mentioned, but the points I just made are something to keep in mind.
I’m not going to take 40 minutes to do an ultra-personal healing in front of the group.
Is publicly reading the data in a cord (perhaps to a deceased person) on a volunteer without going through all the other steps possible since it is just a form of aura reading, maybe after giving examples of cord data and with a disclaimer that you won’t reveal anything too personal?
One thing you could do to make all of your work more tangible to people not familiar with this stuff is to provide samples of reports on your site. The section of your site for ordering reports describes what the reports contain and has testimonials, but I have never seen any examples reports, so potential customers have no idea what they would get until they actually purchase a report.
To take this idea further, have you ever considered adding audio recordings or videos to your site? Maybe you could find somebody who would be willing to let you record cutting a cord of attachment on them. Again, a cord to a deceased person would probably be a good choice. I don’t see any ethical problems with even hiring an actor on whom to cut a made-up cord. When you give presentations on cords of attachment you could mention this video.
Excellent points, Ryan! Some may not know what to expect as a result of the session with Rose (or what goes on DURING a session) and may be reluctant to try it. I find sessions with her to be very enlightening (for example, she helped me figure out that my meditations should focus on getting and staying grounded, rather than going up into my brow chakra as I like to do. That has helped me a great deal.)
Oh, the things one can learn during a session with Rose!
I agree that having a short mp3 of a cord cutting session (I know you could find many volunteers) or an aura transformation session would really help allay that fear of the “unknown” for many.
Just my .02!
Keep it in proportion. That lady is just one who doesn’t “get it”. Maybe she should see a doctor if she wants physical healing.
As long as you explained the emotional and spiritual benefits of cord-cutting, you have done all you can do.
The point to remember is that there are many, many people here who do appreciate you and your work and jump at the chance to learn your techniques.
No one reaches 100% of people, 100% of the time and it is not realistic to expect to.
It is realistic to try, though. Which you did! So pat yourself on the back for giving the best you had and know that the vast majority of people are absolutely crazy about you.
You are appreciated, and loved, here in America:)
Thanks, all of you, for your thoughtful and helpful comments. Ryan, in particular, you have given me so much to think about and consider doing.
Some of you Blog-Buddies may be shocked that I have let my own human learning here show so plainly in this post. I don’t plan to have blogging turn me into an emotional exhibitionist. But I felt I had a choice with this story, either to share or not. And I’m glad that I did because of all these sweet responses.
The lesson about not expecting that I must reach every single person in the room every time I give a talk–this has been the biggest lesson of my professional life. I haven’t struggled with this in my human life; if Rose isn’t the life of a party, who cares? But over the decades, I have had to learn at different levels of truth, that just because someone comes into a room where I am teaching doesn’t mean that this is someone who necessarily wants to learn from me at that time. Sorting out the inspiration I have at such times with human realism, well, I keep on learning the lesson deeper.
The marketing ideas are cool, and will definitely be taken under advisement.
Ryan and Lisa, and others, here’s a secret. In 2007 I purchased many new domains and spent months preparing designs and starter articles for a total of six new websites related to my various books and the publishing company; execution has been stalled for reasons I won’t detail (but here’s a hint: I am just one human being with 24 hours per day) and waiting to put up all these websites is a bit like being very pregnant with a whole lotta kids. Even the redesign for this blog has taken far longer than I expected as well. But I think you’ll like it when it arrives in 2008.
Finally, I know that some blog readers would like me to post many more articles like one on Oprah, and I loved writing it. Even a much shorter one article will take hours, between finding photos and doing an overview and then adding comments. The day that one of you can give me a free pass to an extra 4 hours of great clarity to add to each day’s 24, I will do all those articles!
Meanwhile, let’s just take our friendship and our blog posts and guest posts and comments day by day. I am so glad to be sharing this adventure with you of Deeper Perception Made Practical.
Rose,
I absolutely know how much time it takes to put together an article for a blog post – to really put together a quality blog, it takes a lot of time and effort. I remember spending 15-20 hours/week working on my own blog, until applying for a residency became two full-time jobs – one involving the actual travel, interviewing and researching the programs ahead of time, the other becoming my own full-time personal assistant (taking on the same responsibilities as Mitch Weber, only for myself – booking interview dates, airline tickets, hotel and airport shuttles galore).
It’s good for readers to be aware of this, even though they are already very appreciative of this blog and the service it provides. It’s not as if you’re earning extra income for providing this extra bit of service to your readers.
My two cents are a combination of the theme of readiness and communication.
I know that in my case, and I’m someone who’s very interested in metaphysics and various healing modalities, I know that I wouldn’t have been ready for cord cutting until I was ready…and then I was ready and it’s been awesome! It’s important to keep in mind that for me, for example, it was a good 2-3 years of getting your emails, Rose, reading Empowered by Empathy, and referring to the website, and letting all of these seeds grow, that contributed to my readiness. So you never know who of the skeptics you met might one day call you up for a session.
As I’ve developed my knowledge base about classical Chinese feng shui (not the flaky New Age-y stuff that’s become trendy) and as I’ve developed a consulting practice, I’ve also dealt with the openness and readiness issue. One practical suggestion I can make along the lines of communication is to explore the work of Isabel Parlett, owner of Parlance Communications. She is a lovely and talented woman who has created a very interesting business. She specializes in teaching maverick entrepreneurs who provide transformative services to find the best language to convey what they do. This is considered an important step prior to marketing. Her work is based on the idea that the traditional business and marketing models, in which the products (like toothpaste) are well known, don’t often work for transformative services like energy work, coaching, etc., because so many potential clients don’t know much about the services.
I’ve taken a few of her classes, including a wonderful 6-month teleclass called Work on Words. I crafted the language to describe what I do and the process of developing this language was invaluable.
In thinking about what I know and have experienced in your work and what I know about this approach, you would most likely shift the focus initially to what the client experiences as the end result and much less on “cords of attachment” per se.
I’ll take a stab at sketching out a possible example of one of the types of statements we worked up. My intention isn’t at all to put words in your mouth, but to try to illustrate the general direction of the focus:
“What I’ve observed is that when people feel stuck, drained and depressed in their lives, it’s very often because there is an energetic cord running between them and a person they’ve had a significant and perhaps difficult relationship with. What I do is literally cut this cord, resulting in the freeing up of the energy drain and allowing the client to experience a life of greater ease and freedom.”
The general idea is that with so many transformative services, many of the people who could most benefit aren’t actually aware of the services and if they are, they might have weird ideas about them and get stuck on the ‘lingo’ and their interpretation of it. What I learned from Isabel has helped me to bridge that gap in the way I talk about my work. I am still getting my business off the ground and am definitely in a different place than you, but the process of crafting the language has been fabulous.
I thought I’d share this in case it resonates with you or any of our blog-buddies. http://www.parlancetraining.com Isabel is quite grounded and practical and appreciates the nature of the work that those of us doing energy work do.
Hope that helps!
Ann, what you wrote is very helpful. Isabel sounds terrific but your most insightful comment, to me, is about the two years you needed to become the super-appreciative client you are now.
That is fascinating. Since returning from Japan, I’ve had a couple of other long-term readers contacting me about finally having a first personal session by phone.
Since 1970, I’ve been schooled in talking the language of clients and benefits. In fact, I did this with the group that sparked the original post. No doubt I could learn to do it a bit better, but the bigger skill for me is patience.
Your comment indirectly reminds me of a compliment I received from a fellow practitioner to whom I had referred many clients. “These are some of the most evolved clients I’ve ever worked with,” she said.
Sure, I can talk about benefits but what really resonates (to use your excellent word) is when someone instinctively feels ready for this approach.
All along, I’ve just wanted to reach MY people, and you have reminded me that this is just what has been happening.
Rose, you’ve also done aura readings of celebrities for the Chicago Sun-Times, right? Curious readers can go to the paper’s website and look up past articles. You have to pay to access them, but they make for fascinating reading. Just wanted to mention that as an option for those who are eager for more celebrity readings.
True, Elizabeth. I have done 34 celebrity profiles for Chicago Sun-Times. It’s exciting because I think these may be the first detailed aura readings in a major American newspaper, except for the very first one, which was when I was a “pundit” in the 2000 election for USA Today.
FROM JULIE:
“Some of you Blog-Buddies may be shocked that I have let my own human learning here show so plainly in this post.”
Not at all. To me evidence of human learning is what makes a person, and a blog, interesting. I am inspired more by a person having the courage to be real and to be honest than by all the pretty words and sentiments in the world.
I feel like anyone can have a facade of perfection and put on a performance of being larger than life (think of many of our politicians, actors, and athletes). It takes more courage to be authentic.
I like to read autobiographies of famous people and what fascinates me most is their humanness, their very real human struggles and how they react to and deal with those struggles. Autobiographies are boring to me if they read like a laundry list of accomplishments, with no real reflection or evidence of learning.
They remind me of the airbrushed photos that show up in fashion magazines, where every hint of a model’s flaws has been erased. It is not real, it is not realistic, and it is downright boring. Give me real any day!
So, by all means, show up in the full glory of your humanness. We’ll be there too!
You really do communicate well, Rose, about what you do. I decided to share the Isabel Parlett information in part in case there are blog buddies who might be interested in checking out her work and because I respect and appreciate Isabel and like to spread the word about practitioners I’ve enjoyed working with. I always enjoyed the email newsletters during the ‘percolation’ period.
The readiness issue has been a huge and challenging issue for me, for sure! It’s part of the reason I haven’t jumped more fully into my feng shui business yet. I’ve needed more time in places where lots of people get what I do and appreciate it, rather than being what feels like out on the ‘edge’ and dealing with the skeptics issue. I start to get discouraged at that point and need to build up my reserves.
In any case, as you already know, I’m one grateful and appreciative client and student!
Hi Rose,
It seems that the theme is “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.”
Ain’t that the truth!
I actually found many of the Chicago Sun Times articles for free online awhile ago, for anyone who’s interested…
Melanie, you’re right. There are also loads of profiles pf teachers, politicians, and other newsmakers that I have written over the years.
They’re free also, of course, and just one click away in the zine archives at http://www.rose-rosetree.com/articles.htm#zine.
AnnH, I so much appreciate your support. Ideas are always welcome, from you and all our Blog-Buddies.
Thanks for everything you wrote, and never be shy about sharing ideas, as you have been doing.
I think you are so wise to know your own timing or, as you put it, readiness. Sharon Greenspan, with the guest post this week about Holiday Season,is a really exceptional encourager of comfort with readiness.
You are unusual, you know, in being able to figure that out for yourself without extra coaching or encouragement. Admirable!
Melanie, thanks very much for the link to the Chicago Sun Times article and thanks, Rose, for the reminder about the archive. I took a skim of several of the Sun Times articles. What I’m finding is that I’ve had the brushstroke version of your readings, Rose. I could feel the “yes!” click with the overall sense of the article and appreciate so much the articulate way you describe the information in the various databanks. You are putting words and finer levels of detail to what I’ve sensed. This is helping me to develop my inner dictionary.
I have always adored John Cusack! Now I know more detail about why that is….
FROM GENEVIEVE:
I found the comment related to the negative connotation associated with 12-Step programs and the connection to Rose’s 12 Steps to be intriguing. I certainly respect the right of each of us to our opinions and at the same time have decided to share a bit about my experience with 12 Step programs.
My experience of the program is that because of the nature of how 12 Step programs are designed and how they work, one isn’t likely to hear lots of people broadcasting the effectiveness of the program. It’s based on attraction rather than promotion, as well as anonymity.
What I’ve witnessed, and I’ve been involved with Al-Anon for over 10 years, is that there are many, many people quietly going about the business of recovery, which boils down to what I’ve been able to do: connect to my spirit, develop a healthy sense of self, learn how to set boundaries, have healthy relationships, and get grounded.
Sure, not everyone who attends 12 Step meetings is healthy or recovers or sticks with it or ‘gets’ it, but I’ve met plenty of grateful people who have experienced profound transformation and healing by working the program.
Given that a big part of the discussions on the blog are about empathy, I also wanted to share that what I’ve experienced is that a major, major theme in typical 12 Step meetings is empathy. That and the grounded nature of the design of the program are big parts of what motivate me to stay involved.
Actually, now that I think about it, without having done any organized research, which wouldn’t be possible to do, but based on observation and experience, my hunch is that many of the people who attend Al-Anon are actually unskilled empaths.
I don’t know about 12-step programs. I had to attend one for a class and have since heard from people who have attended them regularly that they vary widely, depending on which one you end up attending. Some people who attend a 12-step program religiously will never go to one in a different location – because it attracts a totally different kind and caliber of person.