HSP or Empath? GUEST POST by Ann
December 8th, 2007 by Rose RosetreeBlog-Buddies, originally this was a comment to a prior post about Oprah, but Ann has raised so many interesting points here that I am turning this into a Guest Post in its own right. HSPs, what do you think of the ideas posted here?
I had a light bulb/aha/’duh’ moment tonight about the issue of Oprah being emotionally intelligent and sensitive, yet not empathic or highly sensitive. I’ve been mulling this and what came up for me tonight is how I think that I’ve been fooled at times by ’sensitivity’ and even the ‘highly sensitive person’ label.
Being an empath and an HSP and after reading this thread, it dawned on me that one can be an HSP, be an energy worker, work in fields that require and value sensitivity — and not be an empath — at all.
Maybe this is a big ‘duh’ to others (Comments, Blog-Buddies?), but a major light bulb moment for me. I’ve had some stunningly harsh experiences with HSPs and I know that a part of me has been quietly trying to connect the dots in these experiences to understand them. I had some recent cord snippings to some highly self-absorbed types, one of whom actually comes across as sensitive sometimes, which has helped me to be able to sort through this with more clarity.
I can see how I always had this construct that sensitive/highly sensitive and empathic are simply a unit, by default. It’s obvious to me now that this has been a blind spot for me. I would be shocked and stunned by the thoughtless behavior of people I’d thought were empaths because they actually were sensitive. I’d connected with them on the sensitivity and similar interests in the energy realm and assumed that empathy came with it, only to end up stunned.
Has anyone else had a similar experience?
Here’s an example and a situation I’ve been mulling….
I see a chiropractor who practices a specialized type of energy work and who is clearly sensitive and gifted in many ways in working with energy. There are 4 tables in the entrainment room and he moves back and forth between the 4 practice members in the room at one time for the 15-20 -minute sessions.
Several months back, for 2 or 3 weeks in a row, I’d be on the table and would overhear him talking about his upcoming marriage to his chiro partner, who was pregnant with his second child and whom I’d thought was already his wife. He went on to happily tell the person that he’d be sending out email invites to the wedding and to be sure to leave her email address. Sheesh…zing…’cause each session for these few weeks he’d have a similar conversation with a neighboring practice member or two, but said nothing to me personally about the wedding.
It doesn’t take a consult with Emily Post or Miss Manners to say it was simply bad manners… 
but at a deeper level - or actually, that’s basically what bad manners are, anyway, aren’t there? A lack of empathy.
So there I was, feeling that awkward grade school feeling of very obviously not being invited to the party, also feeling awkward about what to say to him/them about the wedding that I wasn’t invited to and the announcement of marriage that I was never given. “Congratulations!? I hear you’re getting married!?”
But mostly my head was spinning because it was so difficult for me to compute that one could be so highly attuned to energy and quite gifted at moving it in profound and transformative ways, and even respond with sensitivity to moments of great pain….and yet simply not be empathic. But since Rose’s explanation in this thread, now I can see how people can be wired that way.
At times it has felt as if he and his wife, along with a few other energy workers and HSPs I’ve met, are like technicians. Highly skilled, really gifted….yet lacking in empathy.
Rose, what do you think about this? I’m curious to hear what you might have to say about this issue of being sensitive, yet not empathic.
Dear Ann:
The distinction between HSPs and empaths is hugely important. Statistically, 4 in 20 Americans are highly sensitive persons, as brilliantly defined by Dr. Elaine Aron. However, only 1 in 20 is an empath.
I discuss the difference in detail in “Empowered by Empathy,” both the print edition and the audiobook. (For samples, click on their covers at http:www.rose-rosetree.com).
Especially see pages 11-17. You might especially enjoy the part where I explain why Carolyn Myss, the renowned medical intuitive, is not an empath.
When I wrote the book, the distinction between sensitive and empath, was a real shock for me, too, Ann, but it explained a lot.
In the book, I also explain why psychics aren’t necessarily empaths, nor are TV personalities like Oprah who ooze “I am so caring.”
Caring they may be, talented they unquestionably are, but empathic? Not necessarily.
Do an empathic merge of your own to find out, or else read the person’s aura. Deeper Perception is the best way I know to tell the difference between illusion and reality.
I had similar problems with an HSP when I was younger, who turned out to be also highly talented as a narcissist.
Rose told me that HSP have similarly speedy auras but not necessarily the empathy, so I guess I took it for granted like you that somebody who seems to be highly sensitive would also be empathic.
BTW, people working in health professions normally make an effort to SEEM sensitive because that helps them to make big bucks, not because they would be really interested in their patients.
I agree that what this man did was not very considerate. Maybe he is an empath, maybe he is not. If you have not practiced your aura reading skills to where you can consult your inner dictionary so that you can formally determine if a person is an empath or not, then I highly recommend developing this aspect of your ability to read auras. Rose is not the only person who can recognize empaths from photos — I have developed this ability myself. And remember that empaths and non-empath HSPs are still human beings and exhibit imperfect behavior. Sensitivity is not a guarantee that a person will be all light and sweetness anyway, so I think expecting that you will have “stunningly harsh experiences with HSPs” is realistic since everybody is a student in Earth School.
I have not had trouble differentiating non-empath highly sensitive people from highly sensitive people who are empaths, although the fact that I read The Highly Sensitive Person long before I read Empowered by Empathy might have helped. I can understand why people would get confused, though. Most HSPs are introverts, but not all. All empaths are HSPs, but most HSPs are not empaths. I think what we need is a Venn diagram that visually shows the overlap between these traits.
HTN, highly talented narcissist–Karin, I think you’ve come up with a really valuable acronym.
“so I think expecting that you will have ’stunningly harsh experiences with HSPs’ is realistic ”
I wasn’t sure if I read this correctly - was it supposed to read something like, “Not being surprised if HSPs sometimes come across as harsh, instead of sensitive or empathic?
It seems like a bit of a downer to expect that all experiences with HSPs would automatically be harsh.
Even I don’t expect non-empaths to be harsh - I just don’t expect their consciousness to join up with mine. But many non-empaths I know are kind and thoughtful people - just not empaths, by definition.
Incidentally, being an empath doesn’t automatically make one sensitive or of service to others either. I can think of at least one empath who used his divine gift to join his consciousness with others to be of self-service - using his uncanny perception to get the goodies for himself by exploiting other people’s vulnerabilities, usually other empaths’ vulnerabilities, the empaths who did desire to be of service to others.
Ryan, what came to mind as I read your comment is that I can feel that the process of sharing my insights in this thread is actually helping me to further develop my inner dictionary. It’s amusing to me that you’d suggest that I develop this particular skill because that’s what I figure I’m in the process of doing. It’s been an interesting process over the past year, actually, of having a particular assortment of experiences roll around in the back of my mind while I posed the question to myself about what the common thread was, what the answer was, which I knew I’d get with a big “aha!” when I found it. What I’m doing here in blog-land is verbally readjusting my dictionary, with the help of all you blog buddies. Many thanks for this!
There have actually been several other experiences with the chiropractor that have contributed to my wondering about him and the sensitive/empath construct.
I love the highly talented narcissist - HTN- label. I was going to mention something along those lines. After my first post, I realized that I’ve met several HSPs who take it to a highly narcissistic extreme! All kinds of emphasis on shielding and guarding and protecting and constantly focussing on the state of their sensitivity and talking about it. It gets to be such a bore!
Anita, I couldn’t agree more. Also, thanks to you Ann, Ryan, Karin. Each of you adds so much to our conversation.
Something is nagging me concerning this interesting and useful post, but I can’t yet put it into words!
One point, though, is having empathy for another and being empathic is not the same. Thanks to all for your thoughtful contributions.
Yes, Anita, of course I meant that some, but not all, sensitives will exhibit behavior that is harsh.
The narcissism side of this discussion is quite interesting because I have had to deal with two people whom I have identified as narcissists, and some narcissists can be very good at emulating empathy.
I even remember reading that some of the best emotional manipulators are empaths. I do not remember who wrote that and where, and this person did not cite any sources, but I can believe that statement.
My advice to other empaths and highly sensitive people is to remember that very few personality traits and behaviors are mutually exclusive, so individuals can have many seemingly contradictory personality traits and exhibit many contradictory behaviors, and many traits such as introversion and extroversion are on a continuum.
Of course, I am not a psychologist, so I could be wrong, but (to dig up a childhood memory) human beings are like Legos: You can buy a set of Lego pieces that can be used to build a specific toy, or you can take those pieces and use them any way you want, even in other Lego toys.
Anita, I know what you mean about some empaths using their gifts in exploitive ways. An observation I’ve made after digesting many experiences is that the key seems to be the empath’s conscious connection or lack thereof to Source/Higher Power/God, whatever one chooses to call it as well as the intentions in using one’s gifts.
I was in a relationship with a man who was clearly sensitive and an empath, but who had no conscious connection to Source. He grew up in an alcoholic family and developed his gifts into survival skills of manipulation and control, reading people vulnerabilities to get what he wanted.
Even if one does have a conscious connection to Source, it doesn’t mean they’re not manipulative and controlling. I encountered this in some metaphysical circles.
I have no expectation at all that many or most of my experiences with sensitive types would be harsh. I think that what I experienced is a fairly normal cycle of awareness. I can recall meeting various empaths and HSPs through workshops and feeling so excited to meet kindred spirits, that I wasn’t as discriminating about the shadowy side, as in being more patient to see how they were using their gifts. I wasn’t actively looking at them in the way I look at people now. And so I have learned and am far more skilled now.
Of course, people will behave in all kinds of bizarre ways. It’s actually humorous to me now to reflect on some of the experiences I had in mind in making my initial post.
My empath test at web.tickle.com has been done more than 1400 times so far, is that a reason to celebrate?
It’s always a mixed bag. You can get pretty much any permutation you can imagine. There are empaths with enormous third eyes who aren’t pleasant people to be around and others who are amazing people but have or feel no conscious spiritual connection - and every variation in between.
Part of it has to do with the individual’s level of soul development and evolution, and that does affect a person’s aura. Not all choices have the same impact for all people, and the choices that have minimal impact/consequence for a less evolved soul will have much bigger consequences for a more evolved soul, empath or not.
The ability to join one’s consciousness with others (being an empath) is different and separate from one’s soul development and evolution. One can be an empath and a young soul or an old soul. Young and old souls can’t make the same choices and expect the same consequences, just as a lawyer or judge who breaks the law can’t expect the same consequences as a juvenile who does the same thing. One knows more - and thus presumably knows better.