Looking for Good Guys, a GUEST POST from Gloria
December 31st, 2007 by Rose RosetreeJ
ust in time for the new year, “Gloria” has asked the kind of question so big that answering it could become a year-long project.
I realize that a big blindspot of mine over the years has been in picking up on patterns of deception and control, especially in men.
With the great work we’ve been doing to cut cords and clean up stuff, my intuition is guiding me to hone my skills in this area. I don’t want to turn into a “looking for the bad guys” paranoid type of gal in relation to developing my deeper perception skills.
But I’d love guidance as to the best approach to overcome this blind spot so that I can more effectively glean this information earlier in relationships than I have in the past. 
Related to that, are there specific databanks in certain chakras that you tend to look at that reveal patterns of deception? I’m also curious about a related not-much-fun pattern to bump up against…controlling patterns, as in the control freak.
Any guidance along these lines is appreciated!
Blog-Buddies, I will respond but, first, what thoughts do YOU have? Have any of you used Deeper Perception for better dating?
You can do an integrity reading to read for power, communication, and spiritual integrity (solar plexus, throat, and third eye chakras, respectively).
Also check out the root chakra for what kind of first impression this person makes when entering a room.
You can also check for facade bodies and whether this person is projecting thought forms - not necessarily all bad, depending on the context, but something to be aware of. Depends on the facade bodies/thought forms, the context, and how aggressively the person is projecting them.
I would also check the heart chakra - is this person an empath? If so, what empathic gift(s) does this person possess? Not all empaths are automatically nice people, of course, but if you’re an empath, you might find interacting with a non-empath to feel like chewing on cardboard - not terrible, but not all that exciting or fulfilling either. Interacting with an empath can be like eating some nice creamy ice cream, esp if the person is nice (scary if the person isn’t because the person can be frighteningly perceptive).
I personally also like to check out the person’s intellect, also in the solar plexus chakra, for intellectual style and wisdom. I don’t like interacting with intellectual bullies and like interacting with people who amass wisdom from life experience.
Another great technique is “soul through the eyes.” I especially like this one because it gives me a quick snapshot of the person, especially in terms of how evolved they are. You can immediately feel if you are dealing with an “old soul” or a very evolved soul and the impact of that. It’s like seeing all the lines around a tree trunk, and the level of their soul evolution has nothing to do with their chronological age. I know some very old souls who are actually quite young and vice versa.
GLORIA has refined her question. This makes it even better. I’m so grateful to her for this addition.
I hope that my intention of balance in all of this is coming across. I don’t want to be this big-eyed detective girl looking for bad guys!
At the same time, I’m ready to retire the remaining vestiges of the wide-eyed innocent who is susceptible to control freaks and narcissists.
I’m ready to roll out the sleek, sophisticated sleuth who can effortlessly and confidently use her awesome skills of Deeper Perception to sort out great friend/date potential from the riff raff. I basically want to develop different strategies when entering into relationships in general.
As I was reflecting on patterns in certain relationships from my past that eventually needed to end (bearing in mind that some relationships aren’t necessarily destined to last long term), I noticed that what I would do is find a point of connection with the person, focus on the positive, which isn’t such a bad thing, but then I would basically drop any sense of discernment.
Then, wham!, down the road, I’d get blindsided and/or I’d get a red flag, but already felt pretty attached, so it was harder to take the red flag seriously enough. Some definite Earth School messiness in the relationship arena, for sure.
In retrospect, I could always sense some kind of funky vibe and have definitely gotten better at this over the years, but would love to be able to discern the exact nature of the vibe much sooner.
Is this person’s intent to play games with me? Are they trying to manipulate me? Are they trying to control me? What is behind the aloofness I’m sensing? Are they actually narcissistic? Sending ego hooks?
What I’d like to be able to do is develop Deeper Perception strategies that I can feel confident using as I more actively seek to cultivate relationships of all kinds in the new life I am creating where I live.
ANITA and GLORIA, here’s a challenge for you. Choose one of the people we read in December–and you know that’s a wide variety of people, from Donald Trump to Kanye West to Jackie Warner.
Then you’ll have access to a splendid photo, the same kind you would have for Internet dating.
Well, go ahead and read. COLLEEN and RYAN aren’t the only ones who can go public with being powerful explorers, using Deeper Perception. Read one databank of interest and report back to your fans.
And of course, ALL you Blog-Buddies, including lurkers, are welcome to add to our conversation. For singles, could anything be more useful?
In the name of Deeper Perception, don’t ignore practical clues either. The kind you read about in relationship articles.
In other words, if someone is constantly late and this drives you crazy, they’re not going to change once you become attached. If you’re a homebody and like to stay at home a lot and the other person likes to go out to clubs and bars twice/week, that’s also not going to change once you become a couple.
You may find a really nice person and find that your fundamental values and lifestyles aren’t compatible - that’s not something to ignore.
The biggest thing with red flags is to pay attention to them. Presumably, a person is on their best behavior during the first few dates. If they are so clueless that they haven’t figured this out, then that’s a red flag right there. Usually, people are trying to present themselves in the best light on the first date - being well-dressed, well-mannered, and as charming as possible but appropriately so. So if someone shows up on a date looking unkempt and sloppy and is rude to you and others, that is a definite red flag. If someone does that on a first date, how is that person going to behave when you REALLY know him or her?
The first date is like a job interview. The other person is trying to make a good impression without being involved in any active deceit or dishonesty. None of us is perfect, of course, but generally speaking, people make an effort to be on their best behavior, to show their best side. So if people don’t do that when you first meet them, the general sentiment is that it will probably only go downhill from there.
This might add to the conversation … is it possible to read from an aura a person’s feelings/emotions, as well as of course their personality traits? I think this might help in relating to people better/getting to know them better as well as looking for good guys/bad guys. If anyone has any specific details to write about, like what they observed, that would be great … sorry, I don’t have any specific details right now, at least that I can remember.
Just to bring the focus back to what Gloria is specifically asking about, it’s about honing discernment skills by using Deeper Perception to more clearly and quickly understand the nature of the bad vibes. It’s also to hone intuitive skills to better understand the nature of red flags sooner.
Following Anita’s suggestion to not “ignore practical clues” you might want to read this blog entry. The book mentioned in it is really good.
But I’d love guidance as to the best approach to overcome this blind spot so that I can more effectively glean this information earlier in relationships than I have in the past.
Get your own crud in your life cleaned up before you focus on developing new relationships. The healthier YOUR aura is, the better you will be able to efficiently discern other people who are not so healthy, plus you won’t have to deal with the burden of your gunk on top of other people’s.
As far as patterns of deception, that is not something I have yet actively added to my inner dictionary, but Anita’s suggestions in her first comment are very good.
Hi AnnH,
Feel free to share your two cents about what Gloria is specifically asking about and to add to the discussion, using your valuable wisdom, perception, and intuition to add to the discussion. We’re each contributing to the various pieces of Gloria’s multi-layered question.
One distinction that it took me a while to pick up is that there is a difference between what Rose calls “soul-level” gifts and “what’s going on right now,” which could be stuff that’s in the way or fatigue that keeps the person from using their gift, etc.
I mean, after all, everybody has good qualities, they just don’t always display them. That doesn’t make them evil, however.
The other thing is - just because you use “self-protection” doesn’t make you a bad person or less trusting, it makes you smart. I, for example, lock the doors to my home and car as a matter of practice. I know some pretty odd people who have picked fights with me and called me “paranoid” and “suspicious of others” because of that, but I know now that at least one person who said that to me was a known criminal and took advantage of easy ways to steal from people. One easy way is to go around turning doorknobs or pulling car doors and seeing if they open and if there is anything inside worth taking. He might argue that because the door was unlocked, he was an invited guest.
If you have “Aura Reading Through All Your Senses,” you can use other techniques like “I want to hold your hand” and aura bounce/rub, too.
Or just get a photo of your potential date and read the photo from that, in the privacy of your own own. You can take Rose’s aura reading intensive to learn how to do this. Also, you’ll learn at the intensive how to “unpeel” one part of the face and see what story is revealed.
Yet another way is to order a personnel profile from Rose. Try practicing on your own and see if the profile from Rose confirms the information you read.
GLORIA adds this next anyonymous comment through me:
Anita and Ryan, I appreciate your intentions with your comments, but if you read my original post carefully, you’ll see that I mentioned that I actually have been having cords cut and doing other good work with Rose.
The intentional focus of my post is to learn about the databanks associated with the areas I mentioned and to develop the skills to read them, having made significant changes in my life as a result of a variety of types of work.
I’m all for Deeper Perception…but I also encourage a bit more focus on reading more carefully the question that’s been asked.
Anita’s practical comments are obvious to me. That’s why I didn’t focus on that particular area. I asked about Deeper Perception skills.
I haven’t decided yet if I will post a reading or not, in response to Rose’s challenge.
To be honest, the bluntness of some comments, “Get your own crud cleaned up..”, when I’ve already stated that I have been doing all kinds of good work, is rather off-putting. Who wants to be vulnerable and try out a new skill in public with that type of response?
Again, I appreciate that everyone posts with the best of intentions, but could folks please make a bit more effort to read the questions asked carefully and respond with a bit more sensitivity, respect, and patience?
Gloria and everyone, hi!
Finally responding directly to your original GUEST POST, which databanks would I read, Gloria?
I don’t have anything universal to add to the wonderful suggestions I have read from all of you. It makes me proud to see the wise and thoughtful comments by everyone who has participated in this thread so far.
* Comment 1, by Anita, gives an especially rich collection of databanks to research.
* I LOVED Comment 6, by AnnH, because it is exactly right that every exploration of Deeper Perception DOES hone intuitive skills.
One person’s big red flag could go up and really, what sets off the flag raising could be something quite small. The impact could come from a person’s own STUFF. (The Coming Home technique from “Empowered by Empathy” is always useful to do, if you have felt emotionally attacked or threatened by others! It can calm you down, heal you up, and give you a fresh perspective on that other person.)
* Deeper Perception SHOULD be supplemented by noticing a person’s behavior.
I can feel that Ryan’s comment about cleaning up one’s own aura was taken personally by you, Gloria, but I don’t feel he was writing about you as a person, accusing you in any way, or ignoring what you had written about all the healing work you have done so far.
Instead, it seems to me, he was making a comment applicable to every researcher. In fact, I chuckled when I first read the post because I thought he was probably trying be delicate and avoid an even more intense s-word! Sometimes it is so-golly-gosh-darned hard to avoid naughty words.
Seriously, Blog-buddies, Gloria included, I’m doing my best to monitor the blog for hate speech, but I cannot address everybody’s tender sensitivities.
How about this? Could all of us assume that this is a loving community of people who are growing the best we can, and that we read as carefully as we can, speak our truth as clearly as we can, and are aiming for the best of everyone concerned?
JEANETTE had this comment, to post anonymously:
In the interest of not being over-sensitive, I’d like to point out how easy it is for people to write things that could be interpreted in a hurtful way, even if that isn’t how they are meant.
Gloria, read back over “Anita’s practical comments are obvious to me. That’s why I didn’t focus on that particular area. I asked about Deeper Perception skills.”
You didn’t mean to hurt Anita’s feelings, did you? Or the feelings of other bloggies who thought her ideas were pretty cool!
When we use that Deeper Perception, let’s trust each other, okay? We’re all just learning and growing.
In response to Comment #5 from Jenmcp,”Is it possible to read from an aura a person’s feelings/emotions, as well as of course their personality traits?”
Good question there, Jen, and I think you’re absolutely correct when you write, “I think this might help in relating to people better… as well as looking for good guys/bad guys.”
This is such a great question that I’m going to turn it into a new post, so take a look at…
http://www.rose-rosetree.com/blog/wp-admin/post.php?action=edit&post=169
Hi Gloria,
Honestly, I’m not sure what your question really is. I think members of the blog community have tried to answer your question as best as we can, but twice you’ve asked us to put “a bit more focus on reading more carefully the question that’s been asked.”
What, exactly, is your question then, if you don’t mind my being so direct?
I think we answered your question according to how you asked it - this may be different from the question(s) you actually have in your mind and want answered.
I don’t think anyone in this community meant you any harm or set out to deliberately hurt your feelings in any way. That said, if you want people to be honest, everything they say and the way they say it can’t be censored and monitored. That would impede the free flow of communication and discussion on this forum and defeat its purpose, I think.
It’s good to be aware of negative aspects in other people’s behavior, but it’s also another thing entirely to go out looking for it or to your worry about how people could hurt you hinder you from fully participating in life and relationships. No one is perfect, and relationships are a two-way street that involve a lot of give-and-take. Sometimes feelings get hurt, unintentionally.
I think what you are worried about are long-standing patterns of deception and malice, not the occasional mis-step or the equivalent of stepping on your toe by accident, but trying to stay away from people who would throw you in front of a moving train and laugh, “Die, Gloria, die!” or sell their grandmother down the Mississippi River to make a buck.
Besides, I don’t think you want to become the kind of person that everyone has to treat with kid gloves, where people whisper to each other, “Be careful what you say and do around Gloria. She’s really sensitive about people hurting her feelings and worries about it all the time.” Either people start enabling you, telling you only the things you want to hear, in which case your friends are all “yes men,” instead of independent thinkers who can disagree with you. Or they just start avoiding you because they can’t deal with constantly walking around on eggshells around you, for fear of how they might inadvertently hurt your feelings.
This is only meant as my observation, not as a personal criticism.
I really tried to answer your question comprehensively in my comment #1 above, but if you have more questions or if that didn’t address what you really wanted to know, just ask another question and hone in on what you want to know about - be as specific as you can.
I also don’t see Ryan’s comment of “Get your own crud in your life cleaned up before you focus on developing new relationships” as being criticism. As they say, one finger pointed outward is really three fingers pointed inwards. We often attract certain people because of the “stuff” we have in our aura.
I’ve noticed that I used to attract a lot of people who criticized me for being who I am (and looking the way I do). Yet, the more work I do (no, it’s not magic, and there’s always more work to do - often the outward changes are quite subtle considering the wallop of pain that some of the internal “stuff” might take to get through), the more I notice *subtle* changes.
I also think that Anita DID initially answer the question - any discussion of chakras and databanks is a lot deeper than most people’s first glance or study of only behavioral patterns. Unless, by wanting “deeper perception,” the poster meant mind reading.
ANABELA wrote:
What a beautiful post Anita has written. She has written something that I believe to be the truth for myself.
Based on the techniques taught by Rose, integrity readings and scans are fairly simple to do. How people truly handle power, telling the truth, and spiritual openness and tolerance shows who they really are now… and it may be very different from their outward actions.
I think one of the biggest lessons for me is to learn how to deal with people beyond the facades they’ve fabricated to deceive others and even themselves.
Sometimes these facades can be initially meant to be used for social advantages, but over time these facades lend a hand to inauthenticity and inner disconnect.
I found it very touching that Anita mentioned the identification of empaths. It is true empaths can have their bad sides or may be very frustrating to deal with, *especially* if they are untrained.
Life is much harder when you’re taking on people’s baggage with no relief to yourself, 24-7, and a chip on your shoulder. And the occasional odd behavior is understandable if you accept the empath phenomenon.
On the other hand, when empaths meet empaths, there is a deep spiritual tie and connection even beneath the potential debris on the surface. In
the beginning it may feel like an inexplicable connection, but understanding empathy brings much needed light and understanding.
Hi, Blog Buddies,
Did I miss this conversation or what!
I was out of town. I have read the entire thread and feel that Anita’s initial post did answer the question quite
nicely. I also think that Ryan’s comment on cleaning up one’s own stuff was given with the best of intentions. I have had many sessions with Rose, and still have stuff. Plus, I have been working with myself for a very long time before that…and yep..still have stuff.
It is a process. Melanie made an excellent point about who you draw to you based on unconscious patterns.
What a great thread with some insightful, wise responses.