Is Detachment Overrated? GUEST POST by Ryan
January 15th, 2008 by Rose Rosetree
People in metaphysical communities often talk about freeing ourselves from attachments. “You are most free to have things when you detach yourself from them!” they utter. I have let go of many things the last few years of my life - physical possessions, people, desires, attitudes, beliefs, and so on - either by choice or for reasons beyond my control.
The things that we have attachments to often give us a unique sense of who we are as individuals. One thing many people become quite attached to and have no desire to part with is photographs. Photos, however, are something that I have always had a tendency to get rid of. I look at photos of myself, of other people, of places from long ago and my mind becomes filled with memories of parts of my life that often feel alien because my life has changed so much.
Photos also do not have much sentimental value to me since spiritual ties are very vivid and are far more valuable than a bunch of photos anyway, so I do not feel much need or desire to keep photos.
I have always been a naturally detached person, and I have gladly relinquished most of the things I have let go of in my life. I have become so good at detachment the last couple of years that I am constantly searching my surroundings for things I can get rid of since letting go of things often brings about a huge sense of freedom. In this age of computers, getting rid of photos is often as easy as right clicking and selecting “delete” and off to the bit bucket they go, so the temptation to delete pictures off my computer is very strong.
What do photos have to do with detachment? I had an urge a few months ago to delete a number of photos, but a part of me said not to since keeping pictures of myself from various ages will allow me to see how my face has changed as I get older. That is a very good reason to keep pictures of myself, but which pictures? Ugh! Whichever ones I do keep, I know that at some point the urge to delete them is probably going to resurface anyway.
Getting rid of things, however, is not what detachment is about; detachment is about allowing people and things to go down paths that may be different from ours without resistance from us.
Even so, this struggle with pictures has me wondering if being detached is overrated and if situations exist where attachments to things are actually good. Young children need to form attachments to their parents in order to survive, but do we, as adults, have attachments which we would be worse without?
Being detached is not the same as not caring or not having interest, but sometimes we can be so detached from something that we simply do not care about it at all or we have zero interest in it.
Would a writer want to fully detach from her computer? Would a plumber want to fully detach from his tools? Minimalist lifestyles have developed a certain appeal to me, but a number of them probably would not be conducive to accomplishing my life tasks.
“Well why not?” you might be tempted to say, “If you give these things up then the universe will bring you other things to compensate for them.” Maybe so, but Earth
So is being attached to things ever truly desirable? I do not know with certainty yet, but rather than deleting the pictures I was wanting to discard, I put them into a zip file which I stuck in the nether regions of where I keep files on my computer - a compromise between wanting to get rid of these photos and saving them for future use. Perhaps in the future I will resolve my feelings towards photos. This resolution would be a lot easier if detachment was black and white.
Ryan, I am just delighted by the thoughtfulness of this post.
I believe that “detachment” is appropriate as a natural experience when a person has a high state of consciousness. The more you relate to yourself as a blissful energy presence, magnificently connected, the less important it is to hang onto the smaller human experiences.
But this kind of detachment is not a path, IMHO. It is a consequence.
Along the way, as you may have guessed, I do find it useful to cut cords of attachment. But doing this doesn’t end relationships, as you know. Cords distort, and cutting a cord will never remove the spiritual ties that link us to those we love… and to higher consciousness.
Ryan, glad to see your post here! I miss your very thoughtful blog.
Learning to detach is, for me, very difficult. Wayne Dyer was the first person who really got through to me on “detaching from the outcome” which I remind myself of often. The more I attach to something, the more I allow it to hold me in that energy. Once I “let go”, I am free to move forward to another space. Sounds so easy, doesn’t it?
It’s also been helpful for me to see what I am attaching to and why so I can decide if it’s something I want to put my energy toward.
Hope to see more posts from you! (No chance of a blog re-start??)
Ryan, your struggle with detachment is very familiar to me. I generally keep all photos but I debate over whether or not to keep old journals that I have written. They are rather self-incriminating but they feel like a part of me somehow. Or I feel that by keeping them I am honoring the struggle that I went through.
Ever since I read some Buddhist texts in high school I have wondered what detachment really means. I like Rose’s comment that detachment is rather a consequence of higher consciousness. As with all words, “detachment” is pretty loaded. I guess that aura reading can show how people with higher consciousness actually live with detachment. Empathic merges can reveal how people live with joy and love life while knowing that reality is more than physical stuff. I guess that is how I would like to think of detachment, then: consciously experiencing life beyond/along with the physical, a.k.a. Deeper Perception:)
Lisa: Thank you. I used to spend tons of time reading blogs, reading and posting to message boards, and checking other Internet sites frequently. Thankfully, I have slowly managed to move away from this to where I spend very little time at these places on the Internet anymore. Having a blog of my own is not really something I need right now.
Dana: Your response made me laugh. “Self-incriminating” is certainly how I often feel when looking at old pictures and other things from my past. Photos are especially incriminating because my aura has changed so much that I don’t recognize older “versions” of my aura a lot of times.
Anabela: “Overemphasized” is a good term. I will keep that word in mind for future use.
Dear Blog Buddies and Ryan,
Ryan, your post gave me (the personality aspect) much to think about. First, about photos. I used to be uncomfortable looking at many photos, present and past, but have not gotten rid of them. Many, I have in boxes. Some, taken at important times in my son’s life…were never developed, and I have never told anyone this.
When I would go into someone’s house some of the photos, though smiling, would make me distinctly uncomfortable. You see, at that time, I did not focus on the gifts of the soul, only the things that were painful for me to know. I also think that avoiding photos of others was also avoiding sensitive or painful, unresolved things in myself.
It would appear on the surface that I was not attached, but I was keeping fear at bay in myself as much as I did not want to experience the painful things in the lives of other’s photos be they on the wall or on the piano! I have worked with much of those issues and now can enjoy looking at photos once again.
Now, I will go in another direction as to what your post invoked for this one. That term detachment…does not mean not caring, it rather means not being tied to something with fear and that fear is about not having. There is nothing wrong with stuff as long as it does not rule you in the world of form.
The everyday aspect of Colleen has long had a history of difficulty letting go, but that is getting better. Letting go does not mean not having. Humans hold on to things out of fear and fear is the issue more than any one thing. Letting go of someone or something is allowing the, “this or something better”, to come in it’s place. Sometimes when a person is truly let go of, they come back around when they do not feel tethered to you. If not trust that someone more appropriate to where you are now can come. As Rose indicated, detachment is an aspect or function of higher consciousness.
Not being attached to an outcome allows other things to come into being. Speaking to the emotions..they are not good or bad. It is one of the most important ways that human learn through…their reactions etc. and how to balance the emotions. It has been pointed out that how one processes emotions is more important…well said!
One moves from reacting to a situation to responding then finding as one matures and is able to release the density of much that holds one back, that things that may have triggered one’s reactions (buttons pushed) no longer holds a charge for you.
Emotions are valuable teachers and ultimately healing. I would say, however, that as one becomes more conscious that the use of anger can be a slippery slope. I say that for my experience, not to judge the experience of others.
Is that your picture Ryan? What a young thing you are and a cutie too! Am I allowed to say that, Rose?
Anabela, I like your point that “Buddhist detachment is full of compassion.” That certainly doesn’t mean a lack of feelings. And I like how you said that detachment means remembering the “play” of life. When I read about and explore past lives, it is comforting and freeing to think of life as a drama. But in practice the big picture is often the last thing that I think of. It is so easy to play my role “convincingly”!
Yes, Colleen, that is me.
Maybe it would be simply too unpleasant to be an empath AND attached, the equivalent of hell on earth.
Your post really got me thinking, too, Ryan-
I recently moved from VA to KY and ended up having a much smaller space in which to keep my “things.” I needed (chose) to give away at least half of my material possessions.
In the last couple of weeks, I needed (chose) to give up my storage unit and thus found myself paring down even more. I ended up giving 12 boxes of books to the local library, and found myself very hesitant to give them up. And I found the line between attachment and detachment very difficult to draw. I am a BOOK LOVER. I’ve taken pride in my collection and have enjoyed having many bookshelves full of books from which I could choose a book and read a snippet for inspiration at will. Was I negatively attached to my books and was it a “good” exercise to give them away, however reluctantly?
I also recently needed to sell my car which Ibought brand new 7 years ago, and found myself reluctant to let go. Was I negatively attached simply because I didn’t want to let it go? Does attachment have its place when it’s a familiar means of transportation? Or would true detachment mean that I trusted some other means of transportation to come along when it’s needed?
Gee, Melanie,
I have a home in Kentucky and am temporarily living in Va. as a travel NICU nurse. I find it interesting that you have moved to KY. from VA. I’m attached to my little car of 14 years, but I could let go if need be. My car’s name is “The Baby”. I have many books and it takes a while for me to let go of them…but I have. These are not bad things, as long as they do not rule you.
HI Ryan,
Thanks for the wonderful piece on attachment or not.
I’m personally a naturally detached person, so I don’t have too much of a problem with this. I have many pictures, but don’t value them to any degree ( to the horror of my children and relatives, who think any good mother should have mounds of albums of babies etc.) I could easily part with them, but hold on so as not to hurt their feelings. I love my children I just don’t need representations of them to remind me of that.
I’m working with Echkart Tolle,now and love his ideas and resonate completely with them. He would no doubt believe that as long as we are going back and forth between attachment or no attachment we are still caught in the constrains of the mental body and therefore caught in duality. In order to find true peace we need to transcend the mind.
Keep the pictures or don’t, it really doesn’t matter, what really matters is to simply accept what is and put a stop to our mental debate about things. I’m still working on this, it’s not really easy to do that.
This is an interesting discussion.
My friends and I had a similar discussion recently on detachment and attachment in relationships. One friend pointed out that how can we NOT have attachment in a marriage or long term relationship? Sometimes when you become so close to a loved one when the thought of losing that person is like losing a part of your arm or piece of you.
Another perspective was detachment in a relationship is possible when you’re whole and complete yourself, and that you are responsible for your own happiness or experiences. When the ego looks for others to make them happy then it’s a formula for failure. Also, separation is part of growth and that the person’s reason for separating is their next step on their life journey.
Your thoughts?
Kathy, I like your last comment about Echkart Tolle and accepting what is. If we didn’t have memory and emotions then this task would be easier.
Hi Vincent,
I totally agree with your comments on being whole, which itself is our joy. Relationships cannot ever complete us, such relationships are egoic in nature. That is why we continue to suffer so much from them. When we fear loss of a relationship we are in a fear-based mentality, which will ultimately bring more fear and discomfort.
I especially agree with your concept of separation being a part of our spiritual journey. It appears that we must be separate and then find ourselves to be whole again and know it for the first time. This is the purpose of our existence currently to evolve into beings who are complete and know that we are. This is the next step in the evolution of humankind. Nice chatting with you.
Colleen- This may not be the place, but I’ll ask what you know about communities of spiritually minded people here in KY. Where are they? I live near E-town and haven’t had any luck yet, but I’m hoping people will come out of the woodwork - perhaps it’s simply time for me to do some more work on my own!