Spotting Narcissists

“I need to be able to spot narcissists” — this has to be one of the most heart-wrenching reasons why people come to me to learn empath skills, aura reading, or face reading.

One thing is for sure. When it comes to this type of detective work, time is of the essence. By the time you have divorced a narcissist who is your lover or spouse, that’s on the late side. Same thing if you have worked for a narcissist for a decade or had your career been sabotaged by narcissists.

Someone you have trusted for years could still be a narcissist. If you never suspected, couldn’t it be time to take affirmative action of a very special kind? I can definitely teach you to spot narcissists accurately.

Better late than never? Sure. But early birds can catch more than worms. They can catch narcissists.

TOP TEN LIST FOR SPOTTING NARCISSISTS

If you wish to protect yourself from abusers, sociopaths, psychic vampires, or narcissists, I strongly encourage you to spend a couple of hours with my book that combines all three approaches: “Read People Deeper: Body Language + Face Reading + Auras.” It won’t just help you to read narcissists, but to find who is a really good person as well, someone worth investing in emotionally. The how-to book contains many categories to help you develop street smarts and survival skills that could make any scary narcissist in your life become a lot less scary.

Below you’ll see how I would list categories from this how-to book in general order of importance. Of course, any cause for concern that you have in a relationship would move that category straight up to the top of the list.

1. Charm
2. Flirtatiousness
3. Control
4. Balanced Give & Take
5. Respect
6. Listening Ability
7. Hurt Feelings
8. Intimacy
9. Stubbornness
10. Sensitivity

Why these categories? Let’s take CHARM as an example. Some of the most charming people you meet are the most dangerous. Surface perception won’t help you spot narcissists, but these categories can help you go straight the the questions that are on your mind. (And will the other person know you are prying? Highly unlikely! These techniques are subtle. Just because someone’s a really vile narcissist doesn’t mean that person is also wise in the ways of reading people deeper.)

BEING YOUR OWN ADVOCATE

Whether you prefer to read body language, faces, or auras, it’s important to get real skills. Many folks have talent for self-protection against narcissists, except they wrongly assume that they were born knowing everything they need simply because they have talent. Is that ridiculous or what?

In how many other aspects of life do folks make this assumption? You wouldn’t drive a car or even give yourself a haircut without getting some expert instruction first. At least, I hope! So it’s no reflection on your intuition or perceptiveness if you have been unable to spot a narcissist based on your past skill level.

Narcissists don’t change. But you can. You can get skills.

Looking back with that wonderful 20-20 hindsight, perhaps you will find that your experience(s) with narcissists have prompted you to grow as a person. One way you can celebrate that is by daring to read people deeper on your own, narcissists or not, without being swayed by their popularity or other people’s opinions.

Working as a teacher of personal development for 38 years, I can tell you that many of my clients had no clue about who were the worst narcissists, sociopaths, or abusers… just because these people were popular, even well liked. For instance, I vividly remember one client whose father was a very respected judge… who would go home after a good day’s work and take a strap to the kids.

Dare to read people for yourself. Don’t base your opinion on what others say. The one important exception here is that if all your friends warn you about Person X, alleging that he/she is dangerous, a narcissist or psychic vampire, etc., pay attention. Don’t just get yourself a new set of friends.

Think I’m kidding? A client told me recently, “My friends don’t understand him.” She was disgusted with her friends, when it might have helped her just a bit more to consider whether the “love of her life” really was a narcissist.

IS PARIS HILTON A NARCISSIST?

Sorry, but I can’t read the worst narcissist from your personal history on this blog. Instead, I would like to pick a celebrity who is well known to most of you Blog-Buddies. 

Hmmm, which public personality might be a candidate as a major-league narcissist? The person could be considered pretty, popular, even a role model for others. She could have loads of celebrated attributes, be rich and famous, not widely considered a narcissist at all. Hmmm.

A narcissist, being spotted, might complain that someone like me is simply jealous. Well, jealousy over a celebrity’s good fortune is different from objectively doing aura reading, face reading, etc.

Here are some observations about Ms. Paris Hilton, reading her from the photo here. (To see it more clearly, click to open up a separate window with a photo of this potential narcissist. )

Is she a narcissist or not? How would I know? I’d have to use skills to find out, just like anyone else, just like you.

Let’s use techniques as a basis for intuition, rather than trying to substitute intuition for technical skill.

Intuition works great as a support, but not a replacement for actually reading people deeper. The same goes for common sense. I find this is especially important for people who consider themselves intuitive empaths. Intuition alone is no protection from narcissists.

Please, study how to turn your empath gift(s) OFF before you try turning them ON with an empath-merge. Simply being an intuitive empath won’t protect you in the least from a narcissist, a psychic vampire, or any other person with potentially abusive personality characteristics. You have talent, if you’re an empath. You don’t necessarily have skill. Whereas a narcissist has a talent for narcissism, which will affect you strongly if you have merely talent and not yet skill.

Body Language of Narcissists… and Pitfalls

Paris is speaking to someone on her cell. Apart from this physical connection, there are no other nonverbal cues of engagement or interest.

Could it mean something, in terms of possibly being a narcissist, that:

• Her feet and legs move forward.
• Her face is averted, both eyes and head tilt.
• Also, her free hand is clenched and anchoring in energy at her own upper heart area.
• In short, Paris looks as cute as could be. Yet she couldn’t be more physically disconnected from the person she’s talking to.

So nonverbal communication might raise the red flag, “Could she be a narcissist?”

Yet it is easier to be distracted reading at this level, compared to reading faces or auras. Nothing obvious screams out “Narcissist.” In this case, you must first screen out all the physical data that society has trained us to notice and interpret in a favorable way:

• Pretty blonde, straight hair, something society tells us makes someone “pretty” or “good.” Does that say “narcissist”? No, it says “good.”
• Slim body. Does that say “narcissist”? No, it also says “good.”
• White complexion — one of those all-too-easy prejudices to overlook; many people would consider that skin color more evidence that Paris is innocent of any possible shortcoming unless it’s proven otherwise. Saying “narcissist?” Just the opposite.
• Beautiful, expensive dress. Oboy, here come more social points. Does that fine clothing say “narcissist”? No, that gorgeous dress says “rich.” And does “rich” mean “narcissist”? No, it means good.”
• Perfect outfit, including handbag and shoes. Rich and stylish, does that say “narcissist”? No, of course not. It equals “good,” right?
• Expensive photograph. Yes, even this photo adds its subtle seal of approval. This is no ugly snapshot. Lighting and camera angle have probably been combined with the skills of a professional photographer.
• Certainly, this is a classy photograph. The implication about character is clear. Does it say “narcissist”? No, it says “rich and privileged and important and celebrity and, of course, good.”

READING NARCISSISM ON A FACE

This photo isn’t ideal for face reading, but sometimes you must go with the best you have. Reading faces when you try to spot narcissists, you’ll do much better with a clear head shot from a front angle. But even here, you can see something interesting about the personal priorities of Paris Hilton.

Look at the three lengths of her face. Area I goes from forehead to eyebrow, Area II goes from eyebrow to lowest part of the nose, and Area III goes from nose bottom to chin. On Paris, Area II is the clear winner.

In my system of Face Reading Secrets, every item of face data goes with a talent and also a potential challenge.

Talent: Strongly ambitious person. And, despite her apparently carefree partying lifestyle, you’ll find that Paris Hilton is quite single-minded about her “career” as a celebrity.

Potential Challenge: Could her ambitions help place her front-center-and-otherwise-central in her own life? Of course, this one characteristic doesn’t mean there is a problem with being a narcissist, not necessarily. If anything in a face triggers concern over whether the person might possibly be a narcissist, go ahead and read auras.

AURA READING CLINCHES YOUR ABILITY TO FIND NARCISSISTS

For Paris, there are many sweet things, many gifts of her soul. You’ll find that in reading everyone’s aura, actually, when you go deep enough. But short- and long-term problems can show up as well, what I call STUFF when reading auras. Paris has plenty of indicators that spell trouble to this aura reader, including the following:

Presence entering the room databank at the Root Chakra

“I am the one who matters here, nobody else. Notice my star power!”

Personal power in intimate relationships at the Solar Plexus Chakra

“I stay completely in control of my relationships. And there are no intimate relationships, really, with other people.”

Emotional connection to others at the Heart Chakra

Using people, using opportunities, gaining publicity, playing with people like toys — these are the patterns I find.

In an ideal world, you could take your time and do an in-depth empath-merge, like the one I demonstrate in this photo. But even with a not-perfect photograph, or a quick minute, where you’re seeking truth, you can find what you need. Use your gifts for reading people with skill and, never again, will you be fooled by someone who seems like sweetness & light but, really, is more likely to bring you bitterness & shadow.

LINKS

I can help you to permanently cut the cord of attachment to any troubling relationship in one simple phone session. Narcissist? Psychic vampire? Psychic attack? In over 20 years doing this part of my work, I’ve dealt with plenty of these. Fear not!

Make an appointment and it could bring you huge relief, quickly and easily.

Here is where you can learn more about cutting cords, and why it is so important. This should be required reading, if you’ve had to tangle with a narcissist.

My how-to book, Cut Cords of Attachment, is the first to explain a quality method for doing this kind of healing, for yourself or others. 

• You may find that this is must reading if you are an emotional or spiritual healer, a psychic, a marriage counselor, a psychotherapist, even a Reiki healer.

• And, if you have a narcissist in your history, please be sure to check out this resource for spiritual and emotional healing. This book can also help you to become a smarter consumer about cutting cords.

Finally, I will be teaching my last weekend workshop for the year just for those who wish to develop skill and confidence at cutting cords. Read details here and consider attending this boutique-style, small group, experience in October.

Learning to read people in more depth and detail is your ultimate protection against being in a relationship with someone dangerous, like a narcissist, and not know it. There are many other reasons to learn this deeper form of literacy, and you can find an abundance of resources and articles at my website. Click on any book cover or FAQ (links start on the left) for reading you won’t find elsewhere.

If I were going to recommend one book about how to read faces, read auras, read the latest discoveries in body language and nonverbal communication, it would be Read People Deeper. Innovative techniques in this book are great for spotting narcissists.

When you want to become a skilled empath, I really can help you. Some spots are still open in my special weekend workshop for empaths this September 19-21.

You can also get skills for empaths from my how-to book, Empowered by Empathy. 

And psssst, you can eavesdrop on a free soundbite from the audiobook edition. Either way, print or audiobook editions, the skills you learn will really protect your from narcissists, psychic vampires, and other abusive people.

For Energy Release Regression Therapy, you can gain useful background information about what makes this approach so effective. In order to schedule one of these power-packed regressions, you will need to come to metro D.C./Northern Virginia. Sometimes people plan a trip especially to do a combination of these plus an Intensive, or just a bunch o’ regressions.

Over this last week, for instance, a client who had suffered enormously from a series of narcissists in her life flew in from England and did eight sessions of Energy Release Regression Therapy plus a face reading.

Mitch, who coordinates appointments, will be able to help you to set up the schedule that would work best for you. The previous link will get you started in a healing journey to bring insight and protection, something you are in an ideal position to appreciate if you have been dealing with a narcissist.