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    True Empath Empowerment Vs. Strong Boundaries

    September 13th, 2008 by Rose Rosetree

    Rose Rosetree, empath, boundaries, aura readingAll kinds of empaths talk with me:

    • Skilled empaths
    • Questing empaths trying to find out “Who am I?”
    • Scared empaths, fleeing energy vampires and narcissists
    • Despairing empaths who believe they are damaged forever
    • Empaths who (mistakenly) think they know everything about how to be skilled because they now “pay attention to boundaries.”

    Here I’d like to give some much-needed clarification to the whole empath-boundaries-protection issue.

    WHAT IS AN EMPATH?

    Most beginners believe that an empath feels other people’s feelings.

    Well, that’s a piece of the puzzle. Maybe.

    At best, this definition is incomplete and misleading. But at worst, this definition is completely inaccurate.

    The same goes for the common notion that all an empath needs is better boundaries and, like magic, all nasty empath problems will be solved.Here is what I have found, helping thousands of empaths worldwide. Incidentally, we have just signed our Foreign Rights Contract #26 with Prestij, a publisher in Turkey, for my how-to method, Empowered by Empathy. Editions have already been published in Japan and The Slovak Republic. (Legal contracts for foreign editions are boundaries I definitely do approve of!) An empath has at least one significant gift for directly experiencing at depth what it is like to be someone else.

    It shows from the time that you’re in the womb. Being born as an empath has nothing to do with whether or not you have boundaries as a person.

    Similarly, if you know about Dr. Elaine Aron’s concept of Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs), that’s very helpful. She has enormous wisdom to share. But this shouldn’t be confused with the skills you need if you were born as an empath. About 1 in 4 Americans is wired as an HSP, while 1 in 20 Americans is wired as an empath. You do the math!

    WHAT KIND OF EMPATH ARE YOU?

    If you are an empath, not just a Highly Sensitive Person, you could have more than one gift. Your gift could be smaller or greater. But it still counts as being born as an empath if you have only one smallish gift. That gift could be:

    1. Emotional Intuition Empath: Knowing about other people’s emotions without feeling them. (Note: This has nothing to do with having strong boundaries.)
    2. Emotional Oneness Empath: Knowing about other people’s emotions by feeling them. (Note: This is the ONLY gift on our list that matches what most people think it means to be an empath. Having this gift has nothing to do with whether or not the empath happens to have strong boundaries.)
    3. Being an Intellectual Empath: Knowing how other people think, without necessarily feeling any emotions connected to this. (Note: This has nothing to do with having strong boundaries.)
    4. Physical Oneness Empath: Taking on other people’s physical experiences (like hunger or feeling pain somewhere) without necessarily feeling any emotions connected to this. (Note: This has nothing to do with having strong boundaries.)
    5. Physical Intuition Empath: Knowing about other people’s physical sensations (like hunger or feeling pain somewhere) without necessarily feeling any emotions connected to this. (Note: This has nothing to do with having strong boundaries, either.)
    6. Spiritual Oneness Empath: Experiencing another person’s connection to source, also that person’s fear of hell, self-doubts, denial, etc. None of this necessarily involves sharing a person’s emotions. (Note: This has nothing to do with having strong boundaries, either.)
    7. Environmental Empath: Connecting with the consciousness of one or more natural landscapes. None of this necessarily involves sharing a person’s emotions.
    8. Animal Empath: Connecting with the consciousness of one or more animals. None of this necessarily involves sharing a person’s emotions. (Nor is it the same thing as being an animal communicator, animal healer, or animal rights activist or having strong boundaries)
    9. Plant Empath: Connecting with the consciousness of one or more growing plants. None of this necessarily involves sharing emotions or having strong boundaries.
    10. Crystal Empath: Connecting with the consciousness of one or more crystals, precious or semi-precious stones. None of this necessarily involves sharing emotions or having strong boundaries.
    11. Mechanical Empath: Connecting with the consciousness of one or more machines. None of this necessarily involves sharing emotions or having strong boundaries.
    12. The talented Dr. Judith Orloff likes to use the term Intuitive Empath. If this makes you feel more special, go ahead! But then, for Heaven’s sake, go back over this list and see specifically which of these gift(s) you actually have.
    13. Same thing if you call yourself a Sensitive Empath or Victimized Empath Dealing with Psychic Vampires or Empath Who Lacks Strong Boundaries or Fallen Angel Empath, etc.

    True empath empowerment means that you become a skilled empath, regardless of which gift(s) you have. I can teach you! See the Links page at the end of this post for resources.

    “But I want it now and I want it fast!”

    Do I ever hear that a lot! “Give me the link so that I can learn how to become a skilled empath.”

    To really, authentically, learn to become a skilled empath is not going to be instant, however. Or glib. Or two quick little screens on the Internet.

    Becoming a skilled empath is not about trying to have strong boundaries. I’ll explain why later in this post.

    Please, if you’ve been expecting a five-minute fix of any kind to turn you into a skilled empath, have more respect for yourself. And have more respect for the life-changing set of skills involved in learning this very different, natural way of holding your consciousness.

    How much time and money have you spent on drinking coffee at Starbucks? Downloading and sharing MP3 files? Even getting professional manicures or washing your car!

    Crazy but true…  some newbies at becoming a skilled empath assume… that it is fine to spend time and money on these other things yet everything about personal growth should be instant and free. Where, in some science fiction world? Don’t be a cheapskate about your spiritual life just because it doesn’t show on the outside.

    Oops, it does show, actually! To an aura reader, skimping on your inner life is glaringly obvious. (More on this later.) Within yourself, it can make a night-and-day difference, becoming a skilled empath.

    And to the “avoid psychic vampires and narcissists” school of being an empath, wouldn’t it be better to develop skills as a person, not merely aim for avoidance? Seeking stronger boundaries is just a bit more useful, but not much.

    The only attempts to become a skilled empath that are instant and simple and right out there on the Internet… don’t really work.

    AVOIDING ENERGY VAMPIRES AND SPOTTING NARCISSISTS

    A perfect example of this is the idea that a skilled empath just needs to avoid toxic people: psychic vampires, narcissists, people who would send you psychic attacks or hurt you in any way.

    Sure, dangerous people exist. Although I am extremely skeptical about psychic attack, there are definitely folks among us who could qualify as psychic vampires and narcissists.

    But hiding away from scary people is not a big secret of becoming a skilled empath. To some extent this is a basic survival skill for every sane and adult human being.

    Alas, avoiding psychic vampires and narcissists can also become a convenient way of blaming others, and substituting an easy label for solving one’s own problems.

    BOUNDARY ISSUES

    If the solution to an empath’s problems isn’t avoiding psychic vampires and spotting narcissists, surely it is stronger boundaries, right?

    Wrong. One quick-but-good aura reading could prove this to you.

    What, you’re not reading auras yet in depth and detail? I’d love to teach you that, too. Everyone was not born as an empath. However, everyone was born with a full gift set for aura reading.

    All your life, you’ve been using this gift set to read people, store memories into your subconscious mind, tell when you’re in love, and plenty of other practical uses. Well, you can learn dedicated techniques to use that same personal gift set to become a really good aura reader. 

    When you do, here’s what you’ll find, reading the aura of an unskilled empath who works hard at strong boundaries:

    • At least one gorgeous in-born gift for directly experiencing what it is like to be someone else.
    • Loads of STUFF in the aura, taken in from other people. Yes, it could be emotions. It could be other kinds of junk, too.
    • The STUFF detracts from the unskilled empath’s quality of life. It can cause anxiety, poor learning ability, depression, and a host of other problems.
    • STUFF also makes it very hard to answer the question “Who am I?”
    • For an empath who has been “working on my boundaries” you will also find WALLS. They could be around the heart chakra, the solar plexus chakra, or elsewhere.
    • Boundaries can make a person seem strong, alright. Also phony, fake, artificial, inauthentic. So the better you are at giving yourself big, firm boundaries, the more fake you’ll seem.

    Yes, “stronger boundaries” can just be another word for walls in an aura. These walls definitely do NOT keep out other people’s STUFF. They just give an illusion that you are “taking control of your life” and “doing something.”

    Walls do something, all right. They don’t keep out fear or pain or other STUFF. They don’t protect you against psychic vampires or narcissists. They don’t keep you from forming cords of attachment. Walls mainly add rigidity to the personality. And they make it hard for people on your wavelength –friends, lovers, business clients — to find you.

    Unfortunately, some well-meaning unskilled empaths work really hard at strong boundaries. They create big walls, or armoring, in their auras. Then they have an easy, obvious answer to “Who am I?” Finally, they have an answer. But that answer is horribly limiting.

    WHAT SKILL FOR AN EMPATH REALLY MEANS

    You deserve more, as a born empath, than to flee psychic vampires and narcissists or to put up walls that distort your personality.

    To “protect yourself” as an empath, you need to wake up from the inside. I mean wake up fully from inside — your way of being in your body, your emotional nature, your mind, your spiritual connection. You can’t just add hyper-vigilance about your emotional feelings. You are more than your feelings, just as you are more than your physical body.

    This holds true whatever your empath gift(s). The best way to become a skilled empath involves a wake-up call from deep within your consciousness. Doing this strengthens you so much as a person that it also protects you from taking on another person’s STUFF.

    In addition, there are some simple techniques to learn, as described in Empowered by Empathy, for using your inner self-awareness more fully in ways that will help you.

    Put this all together and you can:

    • Understand your gift(s), those YOU, specifically, have as an empath.
    • Keep your gift(s) turned OFF most of the time, doing this on purpose. Without artificial walls or other boundaries that can make a person feel inauthentic to others.
    • Turn your gift(s) ON when you choose to do this part on purpose. Until you have safely turned your gift(s) ON, as a skilled empath, you have no idea how powerful it can be… for knowledge, for wisdom, for service, for healing.

    Empowered by Empathy teaches you all this. If you can find another way to learn, more power to you! To my knowledge, no other books have this combination. (That’s why we’re selling so many foreign rights and my method was awarded a trademark.)

    Before buying a book or studying with a teacher, you might wish to compare what is being taught and use your common sense as a consumer.

    If you can find another way to learn, more power to you! No other books have this combination. Before buying a book or studying with a teacher, you might wish to compare what is being taught and use your common sense as a consumer.Working with boundaries, you might:

    • Use affirmations
    • Try protecting yourself with a shield or other visualization
    • Check on your behavior and periodically remind yourself to have strong boundaries.

    All this may make for a meaningful hobby. It’s a quick idea, easy to master. With imagination, you can find all you need from this part of our article and do the whole project as a complete do-it-yourselfer.

    • But will this approach wake you up as a person, from the inside, and provide a strong answer to “Who am I?”
    • Will it keep out other people’s STUFF from griming up your aura?
    • Will it help you to become more authentic as a person, rather than more armored and, ultimately, less authentic?

    I believe you deserve better. You deserve true empath empowerment.

    LINKS

    Rose Rosetree, reading auras, aura reading, chakras

    Start with FAQs about becoming a skilled empath. 

    We still have a few openings in my upcoming Intensive Weekend Workshop for Empath Empowerment, September 19-21. 

    Personal mentoring to help you become a skilled empath is available by appointment, with telephone sessions.

    But if you can learn from books on your own, you can get all the help you need as an empath from “Empowered by Empathy.” At $18.95, this is an extremely low-cost way to become a skilled empath for the rest of your life. It’s easy to order, whether by clicking on this link or calling our toll-free number, for U.S. and Canada, available 24/7: 800-345-6665.

    And I’m happy to introduce you to the audiobook edition as well. You can hear a free sample of “Empowered by Empathy” as an audiobook. Just click and scroll.

    For FAQs about aura reading, click here.

    To receive an aura reading session where I read you over the phone, helping you to clarify life choices and validate gifts of your soul, click here for information and here to set up an appointment.

    To receive an aura reading session that emphasizes healing with techniques of Energy Spirituality, click here and here to set up an appointment. (These aura readings with healing can be done fine over the phone, although I can also do them in person, if you prefer.)

    To learn how to read auras from photographs, click here for information about the how-to book “Read People Deeper.” It’s easy to order, whether by clicking on this link or calling our toll-free number, for U.S. and Canada, available 24/7: 800-345-6665.

    And click here for the basic aura-reading how-to, perfect for an in-depth course from no experience to professional-quality experience, “Aura Reading Through All Your Senses.” It’s easy to order, whether by clicking on this link or calling our toll-free number, for U.S. and Canada, available 24/7: 800-345-6665.

    Yes, my trademarked system is called Aura Reading Through All Your Senses(R). One of the most practical ways I use it is to cut cords of attachment.

    For personal mentoring, helping you to develop extra-fast at doing aura reading yourself, click here.

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    11 Comments on “True Empath Empowerment Vs. Strong Boundaries”

    1
    Lisa W said:

    What a wonderful post! So much helpful information. Just what I needed tonight.

    Thanks–Lisa

    February 5th, 2009 at 1:05 am
    2
    Sarah said:

    Thank it will help me to understand all these emotion and find ways to clear them.

    February 11th, 2009 at 3:13 am
    3
    darren said:

    why does age make these abilities stronger…or is it that we are less able to restrain them……also i want to know about visualization empathy…. and how that is possible….

    July 31st, 2010 at 6:05 pm
    4
    darren said:

    it borders on telepathy……but it is not

    July 31st, 2010 at 6:10 pm
    5

    DARREN, in my experience age does not make empath gifts stronger. And the skill of an empath is not to restrain them.

    Although I’m delighted you are commenting at this blog — Official Welcome extended here — your two comments suggest that you have a real choice in how you proceed.

    If you are interested in having a better life, I could be a good teacher for you. I can help you to turn your gifts OFF without restraining them, then turn those gifts ON as appropriate.

    And I can promise you that, if you think you have seen “strong,” you will really, really love the experience of techniques like those in EMPOWERED BY EMPATHY.

    However, another direction you might prefer is to play in the paranormal world. You can find plenty of blogs and websites that encourage you to think of empath abilities as exciting, running out of control, moving you into drama, akin to science fiction, even more thrilling than telepathy, etc.

    August 2nd, 2010 at 6:59 pm
    6

    Another way, DARREN, to present that choice is that you can simply play and have fun. And the Internet is a great place for that, including paranormal-type websites and blogs.

    Here we tend to have fun, do a share of playing, but mostly learn practical skills and heal what gets in the way. Your choice.

    August 2nd, 2010 at 7:02 pm
    7

    A belated thanks to you, wonderful LISA W., and you, smart SARAH!

    August 2nd, 2010 at 7:03 pm
    8
    A. Emanuel said:

    Informative although for me the article doesnt clearly mention what “strong boundaries” means. Strong boundaries how? in what way? How does one have strong boundaries in relation to what??

    Age in itself doesnt mecessarily give you more contol over your abilities. Its the knowledge and wisdom that gives you the control. I can be more adept at my abilities at the age of 26 versus someone at the age of 52 if I am more knowledgable in how to control and direct it. There is truly no time, only you that moves and progresses.

    October 7th, 2013 at 1:59 pm
    9

    Work on strong boundaries is a form of psychological healing, A. EMANUEL.

    Evidently you have heard of it rather specifically, since you are talking about becoming adept at it. But in case the mainstream concept really is vague to you, here is a link that may prove helpful:

    http://psychcentral.com/lib/10-way-to-build-and-preserve-better-boundaries/0007498

    October 7th, 2013 at 2:03 pm
    10

    Here is the funny part, though, about pursuing strong boundaries.

    This is at the psychological level, using the conscious mind to work on an issue one day at a time. Perhaps self-analysis is used, or conscious attempt to change interpersonal behavior.

    As you may be glad to know, A. EMANUEL, Rosetree Energy Spirituality offers a distinctly different approach. The system of Empath Empowerment(R) uses consciousness, not social skills, to help empaths to lead better lives.

    Becoming a skilled empath, to me, does not — and cannot — happen through working on your boundaries.

    Consciousness shifts (at the astral level) alone will do the job of turning empath gifts OFF.

    October 7th, 2013 at 2:07 pm
    11

    Have I researched this trademarked system for helping empaths? Actually, yes.

    In North America, Europe, and Asia, I have given workshops to help empaths.

    Routinely I take a survey towards the beginning of the workshop on Empath Empowerment.

    I ask for a show of hands about how many in the workshop have ever tried to strengthen their boundaries.

    Every hand goes up, usually. (So, evidently, A. EMANUEL, quite a few people besides me have a pretty clear idea of what boundary work means.)

    Then I ask for hand raising, “How many of you have found that this really helped you?”

    Almost no hands go up. And I sure wish you could stand where I do at such times, A. EMANUEL.

    I wish you could see the expressions of those who slowly raise their hands.

    What a poignant series of expressions, often including personal pride, sorrow, and self-loathing.

    I get to watch such expressions because so very few hands go up at all.

    And even with such students, results of Empath Empowerment far surpass the results from working on social boundaries.

    Who is helped by boundary work? Non-empaths.

    October 7th, 2013 at 2:11 pm
     
     

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