For Empath Empowerment, Quiz Yourself
May 18th, 2009 by Rose Rosetree
Could I be an empath? That’s a first step in Empath Empowerment. Here’s a quiz I developed to help you, adapting a quiz for Highly Sensitive Persons developed by Dr. Elaine Aron.
Are you already a Skilled Empath? Then this quiz may serve to remind you of how far you’ve come.
Empath Empowerment isn’t something you can learn from any blog post or two. Could you learn to ride a bicycle that way? See LINKS for resources that can really make a difference, helping you to stop picking up other people’s pain and fear. Plus there are those wonderful extra benefits to Empath Empowerment. 
(Again, see LINKS.)
Still, the first step toward Empath Empowerment DOES involve figuring out if you’re an empath or not.
You can take Dr. Aron’s quiz for HSPs and, if you’re an empath, you’ll qualify. But being an HSP is very different from being an empath.
Dr. Aron estimates that about 1 in 5 Americans is a Highly Sensitive Person.
By contrast, 1 in 20 Americans has been born as an empath. The big difference is this:
- Being an HSP is about having a very refined nervous system.
- Being an empath is about being able to directly experience what it is like to be other people. That means vivid, intense, personal experience. But it need not be emotional, as you’ll appreciate by taking this quiz.
Add your reactions to this new quiz by writing a comment after you’ve taken the Empath Quiz!
For Empath Empowerment, Start with this Quiz
Answer YES or NO to each of the following questions.
1. I am easily overwhelmed by the suffering of other people.
2. I seem to be aware of subtleties in the feelings of other people.
3. I suffer when someone I am close to has one of the following: an emotional, physical, intellectual, or spiritual problem. (Any one cause of suffering would count; you don’t have to relate to all of them to answer YES.)
4. I assume that most people instinctively react to the problems of others as intensely as I do, only many people I know have better control over this than I do.
5. I find myself needing to withdraw after having had intense contact with other people so that I can restore my sense of self as separate.
6. Even after I withdraw from contact with other people, sometimes I cannot easily shake the memories or feelings from our being together.
7. I am easily overwhelmed by conflict between people, even when I am not personally involved.
8. I have a rich, complex inner life and assume that just about everyone else has the same.
9. I am made uncomfortable by mixed messages from others, e.g., When someone describes himself in one way yet I have a strong sense that something quite different is going on within him.
10. Sometimes I am deeply moved by the experiences of other people, even if I don’t know them personally.
11. Sometimes I feel so overloaded by the experiences of other people, I just would like to turn it all off!
12. Sometimes my own opinions, feelings, or needs seem to be drowned out by the intensity of what I find in others.
13. Sometimes I “medicate” myself with overeating, coffee, etc. so that I don’t feel pulled in so many directions by other people.
14. I can get rattled when I feel that another person dislikes me, even if nothing about this is said on the surface of a conversation.
15. I find that people often expect me to give to them, rather than their giving to me, and I don’t know why this happens so much.
16. Complete strangers choose ME to talk to. Sometimes I wonder if I have a sign in my aura that says, “Tell me your problems.”
17. I try hard to avoid putting other people ahead of myself, but my first impulse tends to be to fulfill what THEY need rather than what I need.
18. When I am driving, stopped at an intersection, and another car honks impatiently, it can be hard for me to wait until moving forward feels safe to me. There is such a pull from inside to do what the other driver wants.
19. I have always been extremely perceptive about other people, about either their emotions, their ideas, their preferences, their values, and/or how they physically feel.
20. Looking in the mirror, the person I see there does not seem to exactly be me. It is as if there is more to me than that simple reflection.
21. Do I feel that the main thing I am is my physical body? No way!
22. Secretly, I have wondered sometimes if I am crazy. Also score a YES if you worry: Could I be too sensitive? Or have weak boundaries? Or just too many ups and downs?
23. I can tell, moment by moment, when people I am close to react to an experience, such as a concert, TV show, etc.
24. I find it unpleasant to be with people who are very upset, physically or emotionally.
25. I often put other people first, not doing it on purpose but as a kind of instinct.
26. I can become unpleasantly aroused when someone around me has a lot of conflict or pain or fear going on. Even after saying goodbye, I can feel bad for quite a while.
27. When I try not to care about others, I feel guilty.
28. It has taken me a long time, growing up, to get a sense of myself as a person, knowing who I really am.
ANSWERS
If you have at least three YES answers, it’s likely that you were born as an empath. That simple!
Empath Empowerment skills are simple, too. They just take a bit of attention and intention to learn. Once you own them, you have them for life.
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“JEFF” writes:
I purchased your book Empowered by Empathy and I absolutely love it. Thanks so much for writing it.
I particularly enjoy your lifestyle advice on staying grounded and your techniques of Breaking out of the Amusement Park and Coming Home.
Anyways, from reading your book I realize that I do struggle with out of control empathy: emotional intuition and emotional oneness but your book has helped a lot with that.
I also struggle with ADHD. I take Adderall for the ADHD and it kills my empathy. I don’t feel malled and I don’t connect when I don’t want to, in fact I find it hard to connect even when I do want to.
I’m just sharing because I thought you might find it interesting, the possiblity of a connection between ADHD and Empathy. Well have a great day!
JEFF, first I want to comment on medicating yourself with Adderall. It may work, but at an awfully high cost to your nervous system — and not just in the ways you have mentioned, which are quite serious.
I would recommend that you consider some sessions of Energy Release Regression Therapy, to help you move out STUFF that has been deposited in your system by the Adderall. In such sessions, I have helped clients to remove STUFF related to illegal substances.
For a first session with me, I would recommend a phoner where I facilitate cutting a cord of attachment, starting to clean up STUFF from your aura in that way.
There are really two ways to go, either junking and numbing up your aura — the Adderall route — or the cleaning and healing an aura route. When you want to choose the latter, I’d love to help you.
The techniques in “Empowered by Empathy” can’t work their best when the system is distorted by STUFF caused by Adderall or other optional chemicals. For more about ADHD, see the next comment.
JEFF, about the connection between being an empath and having ADHD:
For clarity, you are referring to an Attention Deficit Disorder, correct?
There is no particular connection between them, in my experience. Being an empath does not set you up for any disease or psychiatric diagnosis or need for medication.
STUFF can be involved, however. Taking in STUFF as an unskilled empath will exacerbate all a person’s problems, including that one.
In the previous comment, I recommended Energy Release Regression Therapy as a means to help with the Adderall problem. I would also recommend it as a means to remove causes of ADHD. Although I don’t make claims that we can remove that syndrome completely, I have had success with helping clients who had been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, panic attacks.
From my perspective, it makes sense that when frozen blocks of energy in a person’s cells are stuck, that distorts the person’s ability to pay attention.
You can make it your business, JEFF, to seek out professional healing that removes frozen blocks of energy. Find a healer who is compatible with you (I would be honored to be your choice) and don’t stop healing, bit by bit, until you can claim a GREAT life, with excellent, natural ability to pay attention however you wish.
Finally, JEFF and other Blog-Buddies, you can find some practical articles about Regression Therapy here:
http://www.rose-rosetree.com/faq.htm#aboutregressions
Plus consumer info here: http://www.rose-rosetree.com/RegressionTherapy.htm#consumer
And a whole bunch of articles about how Energy Release Regression Therapy can help with specific problems here:
http://www.rose-rosetree.com/RegressionTherapy.htm#benefits
HI Rose,
This quiz is helpful in getting more objectivity on being an empath and realizing that others aren’t?! I have assumed that other people have a lot of these same abilities as myself, but just “managed” them better or were “healthier”. Yikes. Talk about dumping on my self-esteem.
I am so happy to be on my way to becoming skilled. At times, it is still hard for me to imagine what other people experience, if they aren’t experiencing things of this “deeper perception” level..??! Perhaps this will become clearer to me and make more sense as I become more skilled, and learn to separate myself more clearly from others.
I imagine this is also a path to get to know “me” more, freer of “stuff”. I hope so. But what I hope most, is to stop taking on additional “stuff” and emotional baggage from other people as if it is my own. It’s not!! How empowering! And the relief this will provide is palpable. Thanks for writing Empath Empowerement. : )
From JEFF: Thanks for the quick reply and wow!
The adderall is my prescription and I’ve only practiced your techniques while not on the medication.
You are right about frozen blocks and while I’ve never heard that word before I know exactly what you mean. I refer to them as cocoons.
I think you connected with me by reading my email and could tell about the frozen blocks. I think these blocks compound my problem of uncontrolled empathy because when I can pick up on the negative emotions of others I can pick up on other people’s feelings of insecurity, hostility, jealousy and selfishness so powerfully that I can taste them.
My question though is if my problem really is frozen blocks then why can I study and pay attention extremely well in an empty house, one on one situations, or in the dorm when everyone is sleeping?
I would think that since I carry these blocks around all the time that my attention should be also pretty steady.
You see my attention problems are affected by being around people. If there are no people around then I can study. I can be extremely focused such that I can remember the details of peoples dress, my surroundings, conversations, or assigned readings down to the slightest nuance.
I feel like if there is no one around for me to absorb STUFF from or if I’m so connected with someone that it reduces the amount of STUFF that I absorb from everyone else that I have no problems at all. Is that possible?
This list made me laugh a little bit. I just went through saying “Yes, yes, yes, yes…” But, thankfully, I can see a lot of them fading into past tense.
The only one I think I can say no to is wondering if I’m crazy. Doing drugs has made me feel that way, but I don’t think my empathy has.
Jeff – Your frozen block could hold information saying, “I can’t pay attention when other people are around because (blah blah blah..)”. The blocks are very nuanced and specific to you and you’ve “learned” from past experiences. It’s not as if there is a specific ADHD block installed in each afflicted person, or that there is just a generalized “lack of focus” block that is in effect no matter where you are or who’s around you.
For example, you have a block (or multiple blocks), put in place by a past experience, telling you that people are always more important to pay attention to than your work. So, when people are around, that’s where your focus inevitably goes. And it feels nearly impossible to work around! I just released something very similar in a regression session.
Lisa – I have the same thoughts, wondering what life feels like for people who aren’t empaths. I imagine they just go bumping around life nearly unaware of other people. You know, on the extreme side of the scale, lol. I don’t know, I’m just glad I’m an empath. Seems like life would be pretty dull any other way!
Loved the quiz. The ones that really stood out for me were #5&6 (I have to decompress after being with people and distract myself so as not mull over and analyze every moment) and #9 (I find mixed messages really bothersome to the point where I’m tempted to say “You don’t think that at all! Why do you gain by pretending you do?”).
I have a copy of Empowered by Empathy and I think I need to go back and re-read about how to turn empathy off.
Excellent, SUE. Empath Empowerment is one of those life skills that deepens ever time you return to it.
Weird. I don’t think I’m an empath, really, but I answered yes to most of these. Many of them do seem to me like things that most people would experience or feel … but maybe not? I suppose that is part of the point. At any rate, thanks for posting this, Rose.
A.D., sounds like you have just made an important discovery. MOST unskilled empaths don’t know they’re empaths. They expect, just as you used to, that “everyone is just like me.”
In “Empowered by Empathy,” there’s a whole chapter called “Skeptical Interlude” where you can test yourself further about whether or not you’re really an empath.
Plus elsewhere in the book you have detailed descriptions of the different gifts an empath might have. So you really can connect with Aha! experiences around what it means to be born as an empath.
Browse the print edition or audio edition of “Empowered by Empathy” by clicking on the cover at http://www.rose-rosetree.com. Or just give yourself a holiday weekend gift by calling our toll-free order number (Works in the U.S. and Canada 24/7.) That’s 800-345-6665.
Once you KNOW you’re an empath, that’s good. But it doesn’t make someone skilled as an empath. That’s what the book is for.
Learning this skill set isn’t hard, but it takes some time and attention. You could compare it to learning how to ride a bike.
Becoming a Skilled Empath involves your entire mind-body-spirit system. That’s why I can’t just post “The Secret” on my blog and instantly all unskilled empaths have all problems solved.
But you have taken a vital first step here, A.D. If you think your life has been great so far, just wait until you’re a Skilled Empath. Wow!
And, meanwhile, thanks for writing.
I especially like #9. I am frequently amazed at how many people seem to engage in wishful thinking when describing themselves. Various types of personal profiles on the Internet, which frequently include a person’s picture (thus enabling you to read their aura), are especially good places to see this in action.
I chuckled when you said if you answered at least 3 questions “yes” you were probably a born empath; how about 28 yeses?
I love #18. I hate it when I’m trying to make a left turn and someone comes up behind me. They don’t even have to honk for me to feel pressured. When I’m first in line at the light, I have to pay close attention to the light so that I can go right away and not hold anyone up.
Like #9, I hate it when people deny the way I sense that they’re feeling. Also, when they say they were “just joking” about something. It blows me away that people can not know what they’re feeling.
I remember wishing as a child that I could read other people’s minds so that I could know the right thing to make them happy. Even I knew that was pretty weird. So many experiences in my life make sense now as I look back on them.
I’m 57 yrs old and I’m finding that I’m getting more sensitive as time goes on. In the past few years it has started extending to plants, animals (especially trees and cats) and even sometimes inanimate objects.
So many people have called me their “therapist” and joked that they ought to be paying me for our “sessions”. I’ve received gifts from strangers for helping them when I used to work in a store and also from some people I’ve worked with (and helped) in other places.
I always wondered if I was so good with people, why did I want to avoid social situations like parties or even family reunions? I’m much better “one on one” with people.
It is only recently that I’ve started recognizing/believing I’m an empath. I always thought I was just a “nice” person. Thanks for the quiz, it is another step in learning who I really am.
Sorry for the multiple comments, I didn’t realize until this last one that you could write more than just a couple of paragraphs per comment. There I go again, apologizing and explaining so I won’t make anyone upset. It just feels too bad not to.
CHERYL, each of your comments is just great. It works well with a blog to have a separate comment for each topic. I do the same myself. Makes things more readable for all the Blog-Buddies.
If you have a chance to read “Empowered by Empathy,” I have a hunch it will help you a lot.
As I was explaining to some Japanese clients today (through an interpreter), learning to become a Skilled Empath is a lot like learning to ride a bicycle. Doesn’t take forever, but it is a very specialized knack that takes a bit of practice.
Learning about yourself (28!!!!) from this Quiz is a great first step, but only the very beginning. The practical point is that when a Skilled Empath you won’t be picking up STUFF into your aura, STUFF you may not even consciously be aware of carrying. Consciously recognized or not, it still can come back to bite you, as it were.
Also, for the sake of being of service to others, you’ll really enjoy the third part of Empath Empowerment, not learning about your gifts, or learning how to effortlessly and naturally keep them turned OFF most of the time, but learning pwerful techniques to safely turn your gifts ON, fully!
It’s a delight to have met you today. Keep on reading and commenting as you become part of this informal — and SWEET — online community.
Rose,
Thank you for your suggestions. I would love to read your book. I’m going to get it as soon as I can get the money together.
Maybe I’m strange, but I love being able to feel people’s emotions (now that I know that’s what’s happening). I want to enhance my sensitivity as much as I can. After reading your site, I am trying to be more aware of my reactions when I’m with people. I purposely try to send out loving energy to people when I’m with them and I find I feel it coming back to me in almost all cases. Sometimes the energy goes back and forth and is intensified with each exchange in the encounter. I am so grateful for this gift and for finally being able to use it in a more conscious way.
That being said, I admit that it IS very difficult to deal with angry people (that’s the hardest emotion for me to handle). Fortunately, now that I know where it is coming from, I can step back from the anger a little more easily. The thing that still upsets me severely is when I am trying to deal with two people with conflicting needs at one time. I can’t be my best with either of them then and it causes me much anxiety and pain.
Concerning the quiz, not all 28 questions were equally true for me, but I did identify to varying degrees with all of them. Hope this clarifies things.
“20. Looking in the mirror, the person I see there does not seem to exactly be me. It is as if there is more to me than that simple reflection.”
Does anybody else look in the mirror and see what looks like totally different people on different days? It shocks me sometimes that I can look so different. Sometimes other people seem to change too.
CHERYL, that mirror thing is very common for empaths. Wrote about it a bit in Empowered by Empathy.
It’s delightful having you become part of our Blog Community. Thanks for both your recent coments.
Hi Rose,
I bought and started reading “Empowered by Empathy” and “Aura Reading”. I have to tell you, you are the REAL DEAL. The extent of your expertise and teaching ability just jumps off the pages. Thank you for sharing all your hard-won experience with us. You’ve spared a lot of people a lot of suffering.
There was one thing, though, that was very uncomfortable for me. It was the tone of belligerance in many of the Q&A questions (am I the only one that hears this?) I kept thinking, “why can’t you ask the question in a pleasant way instead of jumping down Rose’s throat when she’s only trying to help you?” In your seminars, do people really act that way? If so, it seems ironic that they are attending an empathy seminar. I admire the patient and thorough answers you gave them in spite of it all. It was very calming.
I hope that reacting so strongly to this was just me being sensitive and that you weren’t as hurt by it in real life as I was by only reading it.
CHERYL, you sweetie. How your question made me laugh. Am I correct in guessing that you do not live in the United States?
In my 39 years, so far, as a spiritual teacher, I have had some of the most exquisite students you can imagine. Others have been merely delightful. Moving down the continuum of bliss, however, I have encountered students at least as rude as those you’ll encounter in my Q&As.
On this blog, for instance, you haven’t seen many comments that were simply not enabled.
The useful thing about printably rude questions is that they can bluntly address concerns people really do care about. By making the questions so blunt, I’m not merely paraphrasing questions from my students. I’m letting the pain/fear/skepticism show.
However, I’m glad to announce that in my more recent books — LET TODAY BE A HOLIDAY, CUT CORDS OF ATTACHMENT, READ PEOPLE DEEPER — there aren’t any more Q&A sections.
Foreign publishers have convinced me that they don’t like to include such things in their books. For instance, I think of my respected publishing buddy Nina Normann Ferguson, whom I would dearly love to have publish my books some day.
So you may not be the only one to be turned off to the blunt, smart alecky, tone of the Q&A sections in AURA READING THROUGH ALL YOUR SENSES, THE POWER OF FACE READING, and EMPOWERED BY EMPATHY.
Just remember this: America is so wacky that, in my state of Virginia, we have passed a concealed weapons law that makes it okay for people to carry hidden guns when the go to a bar! And recently legislation was passed nationally to allow people to tote their firearms into national parks.
Hi Rose,
I didn’t mean for it to sound like I didn’t like the Q & A section. In fact, I found them very helpful. I just felt pain on your behalf when I read them. I guess that I should have realized that a lot of people feel skeptical. Fear does cause people to be angry. If they only knew the love and wonder they are missing.
Aw, CHERYL, I could tell you liked the Q&As. And your being appalled at how rude people can be when asking questions. You Sweetie!
Well, some students are skeptical and rude, but they still are sincerely interested. I’m happy to teach such people. Of course, I prefer if they are skeptical and polite.
Some students are skeptical and rude… and just showing off. I’ve learned to spot that very easily.
For that matter, some students are polite and may have a question or two, but they don’t really want to learn anything from me at all. With CORDS OF ATTACHMENT, for instance, they like to test me. Will I match their set ideas? As in, “Can you cut all my cords in one session?”
If I give the “right” answer, the one they expect, then I pass the first test. Etc.
The whole process is a delight, and it’s lovely how fast people decide if they really want to study with me or not. So I don’t have to let any of it cause me pain.
But I do accept your good wishes, for sure!!!!!!!
Rose,
The other day I used one of your links to get to a blog entry where you have aura photos of yourself while doing an empathic merge with crystals. Try as I might, I can’t seem to find it again. I tried using the search function, but that didn’t help. I am interested in learning more about crystal/mineral empathy. Can you direct me to that blog entry?
Also I have a question. What does one use crystal empathy for? In other types of empathy you are helping people, plants or animals.
Thanks.
HI Rose,
I love your attitude:
“The whole process is a delight, and it’s lovely how fast people decide if they really want to study with me or not. So I don’t have to let any of it cause me pain”.
And keeping this attitude in the whole kit and kaboodle of prospective clients/students being rude to you and testing you… That is an impressive attitude to hold onto.
I aspire and am focusing on holding onto a positive and empowered feeling/attitude when I get thrown off my center by interactions with rude or toxic people. Most notably for me right now, with my in-laws and their radically disfunctional and toxic ways. Would be great to always stay centered and empowered. Ahhhhh… thanks for the inspiration that it is possible.
Aw, if you had any in-laws like YOU, ANONYMOUS, that would go a long way toward restoring your joy.
Hi Rose , i was just looking on a friends f/b page and saw that she had posts about HSP and started looking around.
I’m 51 years old and have thought all my life that im some kind of freak or wimp or something. I’m still very worried …your summary said if you answered yes to three of the Qs that you were probably born empathic…
I had only one no, on Q 18.i am constantly overwhelmed with emotion .
I can tell when my kids are upset from 2000 miles away and in the past ive used drugs to “deaden” that.
i havent tried the book Empowered By Empathy but will be looking for it .most of my friends think im a very odd person to put it mildly, and dont like that i know how they feel or what they are thinking.
Mainly , i just want to turn it off permanently. Is that possible?
hmmm , i see the last post was aug of last year . i hope you still look over this coment post occasionally . any way ,thanks Rose , ill look for more recent blogs from you.
wade
WADE, fear not. New comments show up right on the home page.
Thank you for your thoughtful share in Comment 27. I don’t know which survey you were responding to, e.g., Question 18.
I DO know that if your Facebook friend was excerpting portions of any of my books without permission, she was infringing on my copyright. I would appreciate your contacting her and asking her to remove what she posted.
One problem with people taking it upon themselves to publish THEIR versions of my writing is that who knows if it is accurate, confused, etc. And that can lead to a lot of problems beyond my control.
I would appreciate your informing her that I work really, really hard (often for years) in order to write books, develop trademarked systems, teach workshops, etc. in order to help people.
This blog, for instance, says at the bottom “All rights reserved.” Probably she means well, but it is just plain wrong to post questionnaires or portions of any of my books online without expressly requesting my permission.
Forgive me for starting with the intellectual property response to your question, but this is logically the first way to respond to what you wrote.
A new comment will address things in more detail.
Hello again, WADE. You have clearly had a lot of anguish related to your sensitivity.
As something you can do right away, it’s smart to get a copy of EMPOWERED BY EMPATHY. Even more, I would recommend your turning to BECOME THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN THE ROOM.
A blog is not a place for me to facilitate healing. I spend many hours each day working with clients in personal sessions, usually by phone, in order to offer individualized help.
If one or both of these books does the trick for you, great! If they help a bit, but you’re still suffering, consider making an appointment for a session of Aura Healing and Transformation.
You can read more about these at my regular website, http://www.rose-rosetree.com . Click on SESSIONS on the left column and read away! You’ll also find many free articles that might be helpful.
I suppose I’m in that Skeptical Interlude right now. I’ve always felt “different” from other people. I described it as feeling “disconnected” for a while, but that didn’t seem to make much sense to me, because I was always extremely quick to pick up on how people were feeling.
The disconnect I’ve always felt was always in regards to “nuances” that everyone else seemed to be picking up on, like while watching movies and telling jokes. When I hear my brother laugh from the other side of the apartment, I feel intense anger and sadness. My mom would tell me that I was being overdramatic, and that it was “crazy” to “overanalyze” how my brother is feeling.
In my mind, and as I described it to her, when he laughed, it felt “forced” and “uncomfortable” to me, and that he was burying intense amounts of anger, boredom, and frustration. I would jump to memories of laughter from other people, and while I knew the laughter sounded the same, something told me, “My brother’s laughter is different. His is a fake laughter.”
#4 hit me like a ton of bricks. It’s been circling around in my mind for the past few months, since I started meeting people who are more into the things that I like to do. I always felt like they “knew” what was going on to the extent that I do, but that they had “better control” and “more experience.”
I’ve been beating myself up, trying to wrap my mind around it, but it just seems so foreign. Recently, I’ve even been thinking of them as “insensitive” and “selfish,” and it just makes me feel awful, because I don’t know what to do with this conclusion that I’ve come to: They don’t “get it,” and they’re nice, selfless people “in their own right.”
I’m sorry if this seems jumbled, but what really got me was the mention of ADHD. I was recently diagnosed (3 weeks ago), at the fresh age of 19, and since taking Ritalin, the “whirring” feeling I’ve had in my mind for years felt like it shut off.
While I can still “choose” to dwell on those “deeper intuitions,” it makes it easier to switch back to My-Life-Mode. It worried me to see someone note this feeling as “killing empathy,” because I know that Ritalin makes me feel less overwhelmed by everything for the first time in my life, and it seems like discontinuation of my medication would send me back into that Hell.
It has always been an enlightening Hell, but having spent years in it, I came out realizing that I have no idea who I am, as an individual, and that I have no idea where a lot of my feelings come from. I feel split in ten-thousand directions, with this “I-Need-To-Save-Everyone/Everyone-Is-Hurting” complex.
Any thoughts? I’m very very confused and scared.
TRAVIS, thanks for writing. The first, and most important, point to make is the role of common sense. So I’ll devote a first blog comment to that.
When you are in such discomfort, the very first thing to do is to find a mental health practitioner. Call friends or organizations or even a help desk to get some recommendations of a reputable professional you can see.
The practitioner who has prescribed your current medication is a great person to start with as a resource for you.
TRAVIS, continuing, I would recommend “Become the Most Important Person in the Room” as a simple, straightforward program that you can start using on a daily basis.
You can order it easily at our toll-free number, 800-345-6665. (Details about the book, plus online ordering, are at http://www.rose-rosetree.com ).
It’s obvious from what you wrote earlier that you were reading “Empowered by Empathy.” So glad you have it, and it can be helpful as well, but the other book is easier to work with and, as you have noted, you’re on the confused side for now.
The best way to use BECOME is to read it first just for fun, skipping all the assignments. Then read one short chapter a day, with a 10-minute homework assignment.
Doing this, don’t strive for perfection. Don’t beat yourself up. Simply do the best you can in an easy, sloppy way.
Results will accumulate and will help you IN CONJUNCTION with getting help from a mental health professional.
One more practical point, TRAVIS, is that it would be great if you could have at least one phone session with me, what would officially be called a session of “Aura Healing and Transformation.”
This would not be a substitute for meeting with a mental health professional, right?
During a session, I can do a Skilled Empath Merge near the beginning to get a sense of what is going on with you.
This is where using full energetic literacy becomes helpful. Depending on what I find, I can then select the appropriate skill set to help you.
That might involve removing psychic coercion, cutting a cord of attachment, moving out astral entities, locating a problem with energetic imbalances, even facilitating an exorcism. Ways of being out of whack, aurically, are very individual and require individual consultation.
For example, I had a session recently with “Gladys” who had a longstanding, very serious problem with ADD. However, when we were in session, I noticed some imbalances in WHERE she was putting her attentin, which threw certain chakra databanks out of whack.
We discussed it. I facilitated a bit of healing. Within 24 hours she gave me the feedbank that “I don’t seem to have ADD any more.” And the results lasted.
STUFF can be healed, and in very individual ways, so don’t be discouraged, Travis. But don’t expect anyone’s blog or chat group to give you the in-depth expert help you need to support your own efforts.
Hi Rose,
For about half a year now, I’ve been on a sort of journey to figure out if the roller coaster of emotions I have experienced my entire life is me being an empath.
As an academic, I’ve done my fair share of research. I took a plethora of other quizzes and read all sorts of theories. I even spoke briefly with a psychic while on vacation (when I asked about all the emotions I experience, she said I was an empath).
But none of that has helped me so much as this quiz and the other information on your website. The way you put things is so down-to-Earth and easy to understand.
After taking this quiz and answering “yes” and “ABSOLUTELY” to a vast majority of the questions, I really feel that I am an empath.
And for me, that’s a heavy statement to make. Most of the people I know and associate with either don’t believe in this sort of thing or think it’s evil.
I know I’m not evil. But I’ve been diagnosed with clinical anxiety and depression and have experienced panic attacks. So that would be the accepted explanation for all the emotions… supposedly.
Still, those diagnoses have never felt all the way right, and the medication I took all through my teen years just dulled the edges off of ALL my emotions–not just the sadness and worry.
As an adult now, I’ve stopped the meds–partially for artistic purposes and partially because I might be an empath. I have a full range of emotions again, but I still get overloaded.
Huge emotions come over me and are so strong, I can’t rationalize them away at all. Like the quiz mentions, in these moments, I honestly feel crazy. But then I’ll find out sooner or later that someone to whom I’m close experienced those emotions at moment. Of course, even after I pray and put on my rose quartz necklace and the intensity drains, I still feel lingering bits of it.
One of the few things that gives me a vacation from the chaos is music. I can listen to it, and though I feel it, it’s my choice. I can choose the emotion, and that is a sweet and welcome treat.
What I mean by all this is to thank you for posting this. It’s bringing me closer to understanding a truth about myself, a truth that is simultaneously scary and fascinating. And by extension, understanding a truth about my father and late paternal grandmother with whom I have many of these traits in common.
As an artist, I need to understand myself. As a woman, I need to take care of my health. As a member of the human race, I need to take my gifts and share them with the world in a positive way. This post has helped me come a little closer to getting to a place where I can do just that.
Thanks,
Carol
The advice that you’ve given resounds with me, especially given the experience I’ve had in the past few months. I went from a point where I viewed my entire emotional blueprint as diagnostic criteria for mental-illness-of-the-week, fighting my instincts until I felt numb. I remained in that state for so long that I forgot what it was like to really feel something. Recently, I’ve allowed myself to feel, trying not to judge it, and letting my heart speak for me.
I actively silenced that voice within for so long that my mind was left to its own devices, unchecked by the sentiments of my spirit, and I ruined myself. Given the ADHD – which makes so many different things more difficult – and that feeling that I always felt differently than everybody else, reacted different, the best thing for me (and everyone else, for that matter) would have been to allow myself to feel and think the way that worked best for my mind, unrestrained by the stigmas of society.
Instead, with the ignorance of the child that I was, I shut myself out of the social world. When I finally opened back up to it about 6 years ago, it was exhilarating at first, but the sense that I was intrinsically different than everyone I encountered overtook me. I lost focus on school, and the stress brought about by my lack of motivation to engage in social pursuits was compounded when I lost the motivation to engage in the intellectual (which had always been my outlet).
With nowhere to put my energies, with the ignorance I had as a 13 year old (the social phase only lasted a few months in 2004), with a mother who was and still is emotionally dead, and with the persistant feeling that there was something “wrong” with me, I sought medical help.
Now, instead of going to mental health professionals with a goal in mind of diagnosing me, I manipulated them to diagnose me with different illnesses I had found on the internet. When they diagnosed me, always tentatively, and I took the medications, nothing changed. So, I moved on to the next “mental-illness-of-the-week,” spent months trying to get the diagnosis, got the medications, experienced no change, and repeated the process until I had dropped out of school and did nothing but examine my thoughts and feelings under the pretext that I was sick.
At its worst, I had no friends, did not communicate, dropped out of school, and checked myself in – voluntarily – to a residential treatment center, usually reserved for juvenile deliquents who had cut a deal in court.
About 18 months ago, after a year back in high school, I began weening myself off of the seven medications I was on for “Bipolar Disorder, Not Otherwise Specified,” “Generalized Anxiety Disorder,” and “Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.”
I ended up failing all my classes because of the turmoil that put my nervous system through, but I then entered my overdue senior year last September, and I stuck with it the best I could.
Now, in January of this year, I met someone who reminded me of the 13-year-old me before I turned inward. I met him, and we’re actually dating. At first, I was so confused as to how he and his friends did ANYTHING that they did. They seemed to “get” things that I didn’t, and it brought me back to how I felt at 13, and how nothing I had been through had altered my true essence.
The beautiful thing was that I – instead of doing what I did 6 years ago – accepted myself and decided that I would just work with it the best way I could.
I got to a point where I got so bogged down my the drudgery of forcing myself to get up, forcing myself to shower, trying to shut out that constant chatter of self-criticism and overanalysis that had for the past 6 years taken over me, having to refocus myself with every step of my morning routine – “Travis, what the heck are you doing? Wash your hair. Okay, now your face” – and I ended up having nervous breakdowns multiple times a day.
This was strange to me because I hadn’t cried in about 3 or 4 years, since my best friend died. By the end of the week, I had a complete mental breakdown where I just uncontrollably screamed for about an hour, by myself in my room.
After that episode, which was about 8 weeks ago, I sought mental help again, but with the intention of simply telling them what my concerns were and having them tell me what they make of it. I was put on something they give to epilectics to calm their nerves, and that solved the uncontrollable breakdown problem, but didn’t stop the numbness I felt in between. I then was put on an antidepressant.
By that time, I had some stability, and really took a look at what my actual difficulties were from an objective point of view. A month ago, I reported these findings, and was diagnosed with ADHD. The Ritalin did what it’s supposed to do, but this only opened me up to the fact that I was emotionally restraining myself.
3 weeks ago, I got angry for the first time in years, and just let it out, and I’m working on allowing myself to feel exactly how I should feel at any given moment, and to react in the way that is most beneficial to me without harming anyone around me.
I’ve discovered my passions again, and continue to battle that negative voice, but – hey! – it’s only been a few months! So, I’m hopeful in general.
I came to this site because, after opening myself up to my emotions again, and – given my intellectual orientation towards analysis – noticed a discrepancy between my situation and how I was feeling.
I also noticed that it became exponentially more difficult to focus, keep that negative voice in check, and just not feel fragmented, after or amidst being in the company of others. I also discovered, given how connected my emotions are to past experiences, that I’ve felt this way for a while, but simply stifled it.
The “wrong”-ness that I fought so hard to “fix” before is my mind’s natural orientation towards multitasking, its “ADD”-ness that prefers different ways of processing information, and my spiritual orientation of feeling deeply connected with everyone.
Now, in the continuation of my efforts for self-discovery, I’m wondering if empathy is another part of that “wrong”-ness that I’ve now embraced as “Travis”-ness (which is the only “right”-ness for me).
I actually went to the mall two days in a row. The first day I went there, I was mostly surrounded by energetic youth at an arcade, playing a video game that I love, singing karaoke, making people smile, talking to some realy nice people. I did well at everything.
Yesterday, though, I wasn’t as occupied, so I ended up doing what I always do, and I couldn’t shake this feeling that I just wanted to help people. I went from face to face, and soon the processing of my sense of sight ran synchonized with my sense of “how they’re feeling,” and I had to leave the mall. This has happened a lot, especially in the past few months, even moreso in the past few weeks, since I opened up to my own emotions. Instead of fighting it, though, I don’t let it shake me. I care about them, I worry about them, I don’t know what I can do to help them, I know I can’t help everyone, this frustrates me, but I move on. Regardless, I came home yesterday and just felt very … malled, as you might put it.
It seems that the only thing that decides whether or not I have a good time is whether or not I keep myself in check. It’s exhausting, and completely unfamiliar, and very isolating.
When you said that Gladys focused her attention in very unbalanced ways, this rang true to me. Like I said, I was hyperfocused for years on myself and “fixing” me, and shutting off my emotions because I viewed them as symptoms of some nebulous mental illness. I’m happier now that I throw my attention onto more positive things. But, it’s still a struggle, and I just want to know if there’s anything else I could be doing to make this process easier.
Sorry that was so longwinded. I am a bit of a writer.
TRAVIS, writing whatever you want, however long it takes, is part of everyone’s invitation to comment here at this blog.
Although your story is unique, and it has included an uncommon amount of pain, one thing you wrote about is extremely common. Most empaths don’t know about their lifelong gift(s), nor do they have any idea how delightful life will be after becoming a skilled empath.
But becoming a skilled empath isn’t done just by reading some interesting ideas on the Internet. It isn’t like research you have done about diagnoses. It is a SKILL SET, like learning to ride a bicycle.
I really do encourage you to get a copy of BECOME THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN THE ROOM, do one short chapter a day plus a simple 10-minute homework assignment, and wake up your strengths.
Being a skilled empath means that you are able to comfortably, easily keep your empath gift(s)OFF most of the time. When you do turn them on, you do it on purpose, and very briefly. The insights you will get? Priceless.
For inspiration, you might want to check out some Skilled Empath Merges reported by Elaine in comments to these two different posts:
http://www.rose-rosetree.com/blog/2010/06/12/lynne-porzel-body-whisperer-empath-merge/
http://www.rose-rosetree.com/blog/2010/06/07/empath-merge-with-medical-intuitive-judy-lavine/
Hi Rose,
I have just found your writings, but I am so excited to read your books, and perhaps take some training from you.
I feel kind of stupid not realizing I am empath for all this time, the signs were certainly there, particularly when I was a child and I could almost not function because of feeling the constant emotional pain from humans and animals…
It was very interesting to take the quiz, because while I answered “yes” to many questions, I found myself also answering “I used to do that”. I think to some extent I have either turned off my empathy, or perhaps learned boundaries, as I’ve matured.
At one point in my adulthood, I actually had to move far away from my family, whom I get along with well. But I was finding it hard to know if others liked me for myself or them, and I was finding myself too enmeshed with them.
As a teenager I found it very hard to be away for a weekend on retreats with other people, where I was expected to be with them 24/7. I would start getting nutty and antisocial by the end, because I needed to be by myself so badly.
I look forward to reading much more, and learning how I can use my empathic skills in a more conscious and constructive way.
Kara
KARA, welcome to the world of Empath Empowerment(R) and other skill sets to make deeper perception practical.
There are some relatively easy things you can learn, for sure.
Glad to have you here.