Solving the Mystery of Sweat

Who is Pocari, and why would I want to drink his sweat?

Aha! The mystery has been solved after only five years.

For as long as this aura reader has been coming to Tokyo, I have seen vending machines. They’re on the street every few blocks in some areas. It’s fun window shopping, trying to understand Japanese drinking habits, as part of my thirst to understand people here.

Variety is a very big part of Japanese culture, which has been obvious since my first time here. Imagine walking into your neighborhood Seven-Eleven. If it were like convenience stores here, you would find that every neighborhood store is unique. It will sell some hot items for sale near the front, perhaps some steaming kind of meat or fish or a fried item that could really be anything (at least if the customer is illiterate in the way that I struggle against, being here).

Snack items? Sure they will be available. Loads of snack items: The sweet, the crunchy, the fishy. And those items will change every three months, because those smart Japanese customers are just crazy for variety.

So those vending machines with trendy drinks change their inventory rather frequently, too. Yet some items remain year after year. And the one I have always found baffling has been “Pocari Sweat.”

Advertising Copy to Inspire You

This time in Japan, my Trip #10, it has finally become possible for me to read advertising copy on some of these vending machine classics. This is not, alas, because of my superb skills reading Katakana and Hiragana. (Although I’m making some progress with all this.)

No, the advertisers have begun taking pity on foreigners like me, so more English messages have begun to appear on the bottles and cans for sale.

Last weekend, right before my workshop, I finally solved one baffling Japanese mystery, just by reading a can:

Pocari Sweat is a healthy beverage that smoothly supplies the lost water and electrolytes during perspiration. With the appropriate density and electroytes, close to that of human body fluid, it can easily be absorbed into the body.

Yum, right? Sometimes you just get a hankering for extra human body fluid. Hey, imagine if Gatorade were marketed in America as, “Tastes fresh, just like saliva.”

Okay, ready for more? Some of the beverages for sale in vending machines in Tokyo have the sort of advertising copy you or I might expect.

Wonda: Wonderful coffee. Morning shot. 100% fresh Arabica beans make an unique flavor.

But some competing brands, even from the same company, aim for a bigger impression on the vending machine customer.

Wonda Premium: Gold is a premium coffee with a radiant like beauty perfected with premium beansl. For a radiant life.

Or, if your mouth is feeling ambitious, how about this one?

Roots Royal Mix: Real blend. Brazil technology brungs you an aromatic coffee break and a fine life.

Only about a buck to by this, incidentally! Whereas a large Starbucks latte might be more like $7. (Just guessing. I’ll have to check on this part and get back to you. Within a 10 minute walk from here, I could go to three different Starbucks. Sometimes, when feeling especially homesick, I will walk into a Starbucks, listen to some of that good American rock ‘n roll, and shed a quiet tear. But I’m more likely to buy a chocolate chip cookie than add to my usual caffeinated state.)

Meanwhile back at the Laundry Room

My favorite written communication during this trip, so far, hasn’t been inside a vending machine. Instead, it has been an impeccably typed notice from the management at the residential hotel I’ve been staying.

We’re in a swanky neighborhood, near a number of embassies. Elizabeth, the manager here, speaks perfect English and even supplies the name “Elizabeth” — which is really considerate, since foreigners like me just might hear her real first name once every visit and keep forgetting it. Which has happened.

Elizabeth is a saint. It would be worth a whole trip to Japan just to hang out with her and sample her Darshan.

But why would that  have to include writing English perfectly? Elizabeth, I suspect, has grown up speaking Japanese. That means a language that is upside down and backwards compared to English, and has every sentence filled with crunchy particles to mean things like:

• subject of sentence
• subject of sentence emphasized
• also
• in
• because of
• object of verb
• name of your third cousin, once removed (joking)
• and
• and, when there are more than two things on the list

Well, how could there not be a certain number of mistakes? So enjoy this helpful memo tacked up right now in the Laundry Room:

Dear Guests:

Thank you for staying at Azabu Court. If you notice that your laundry is missing, we are keeping:

* 3 black color briefcases and one pair of black color socks in our office

* One side black color socks.

Please pick up at the front desk. We are keeping them for 10 day.

Thank you.