Blog-Buddies, sometimes a comment sent to this blog is so superb and detailed, it really deserves to become a post of its own. Originally Sarah’s words (and the first comment) below were submitted in response to my post from today about “Why I don’t believe in Dark Souls.”
Maybe you’ll agree with Sarah. Maybe you’ll want to buy her new book, to learn more about the thoughtful and detailed approach that she brings to this topic. Here is some of her perspective about narcissists, being an empath, and more, with a bit of formatting and headings added.
Rose, as you know I have has a fit bit of flack about the book, some of it negative and much of it positive.
When I was reading this post it wasn’t until I got the the very last bit at the bottom that I could think of a real way of answering.
You wrote, “When I was at my worst, killing people etc., it would have been easy for an outside observer to call me a ‘Dark Soul.’ But I wasn’t. I was the very same soul who works so hard now to teach and heal and help.”
I was that in that place too, and having shared so many lifetimes with the same Dark Soul that I mention in the book that had killed him past lives and probably done a whole lot worse to other people.
I suppose now, in hindsight, Dark Souls perhaps wasn’t the best choice of words for the title of the book. And I have had more than enough flack from people who aren’t able to grasp the concept that “some” types of people’s sole intention is to intentionally go out to victimise and exploit others.
Empaths involved with Dark Souls
The focus however on the book was the “extreme” end of the the abusive type personality that empaths like myself tended to get involved with.
To educate the reader and give them some tools to heal themselves, not the other way round. Those types that may be similar to those pedo types that I was so used to being around as a child.
The types of readers who are likely to be wanting to leave these relationships are like:
- The woman who emailed me today to say she has finally escaped after finding her ex has been giving her GBH a date rape drug and then making out “it was all her imagination and she was making it all up”.
- The type of person who has no conscience wo could feel the need to lie about having cancer.
- Or the type of person who threatens to kill you and would if they could get away with it.
- The type of person who may drive another person so crazy with their lying behaviour and projecting and gaslighting as to render their victim so powerless they commit suicide as a result.
So, no, I wasn’t referring to your run of the mill bossy boss who makes you work overtime too much. Perhaps I was a bit too black and white.
I have been validated by the book having had emails all over the world from women who have been in the same situation and wanted to make sense of some of the madness, whatever the title of the book.
Perhaps the only people who liked the title were those who actually had a relationship with these types of people.
Before I wrote “Dark Souls”
When I dreamt up the title, I still had many cords of attachment. And I felt like a projection of the person I was in relationship with, very dark. In fact I wrote in the book without putting all the emphasis on them.
I had been lying to myself all along, I had no self esteem, my finances were in a shambles, and I was unhappy in a relationship with a man who was lying to himself and everyone around him.
Yet, in a weird way, most of the things I was to find out about him were a “reflection” of the things he was mirroring back to me. In other words, all that I needed to deal with was within me.
By that I meant having to look at myself and see what was in me that I needed to deal with, i.e lack of boundaries, lack of self-love, and so on.
Having learnt how to set boundaries, heal myself, channel, read auras, and all kinds of other weird and wonderful “stuff” since my encounter with the man and multiple other (what I call) “Dark Souls” in the book.
If you were to ask me, “Do I consider myself to be a Dark Soul or an ‘Enlightened being’ as a result of my journey?”
My answer would be somewhere in the middle.
Would I in hindsight have dreamt up a better analogy for such people with such extreme behaviour whom I refer to in the book such as “psychopathic narcissists”? Then my answer is probably not.
Finding the gift
These people are sent into our lives as a gift.
When it comes to freeing up ourselves from the toxic stuff we decide to carry around with us, which in my case, as I called it in my book, which was being an untrained empath at the time, or “energetic Gunk Bucket” — that meant I had felt I was probably the darkest of all souls at one point because I didn’t even want to be here anymore.
Does it empower us to look within ourselves? Absolutely.
Does it mean that, for example, as a result of doing it we continue to accept abusive behaviour? (As I had done for most of my childhood and adult life.) No.
Because, in fact, Mr Dark Soul (or whatever shade of grey he is in between) ended up actually being a real shiny diamond for me and most other people who meet them. Because he reminded me who I was, rather than who I wasn’t.