One day in the life of my blog, I was monitoring comments.
This one from AMANDA stopped me in my very human tracks. Seemed to me, her words were chiming with truth and authenticity. She had shared some recent, enormous, discoveries about healthy physical self-awareness, becoming more physically embodied:
I am very body-focused now but that wasn’t always the case. It’s been a result of work and care and attention – I grew two inches when I first went for bodywork and it showed me how truly holistic the mind-body-spirit connection is.
I also found that tension patterns in my muscles, fascia and posture reflected distortions of viewpoint in the mind – or indeed my areas of learning – so I’m always aware of the part of my body that is releasing when I learn or understand something new.
And vice versa – breathing gently into tensions can often cause realisations without effort.
I have always been told I’m an earthy, grounded type though I wouldn’t have thought of it in those terms. I am certainly sensual, and love touch and relaxation and the feel of physical presence. In the past, however, I was a real absent-minded professor, always off in the conceptual.
I could write poem upon poem to my body now. It’s such a blessing.
Wow, thought Rose. And then I thought my equivalent of “Please, sir, I want some more.” Immediately I emailed AMANDA and soon after she generously prepared today’s guest post. My links and headings, AMANDA’s amazing self.
Moving Forward Toward Householder Enlightenment.
As one with a physical body.
Rose wondered if I would write a guest post along these lines, and I’ve hesitated because it’s felt soooo personal, what’s unfolding at the moment.
I’m not at a point where I’m having profound realisations of my oneness with everything, which I would happily tell anyone about .
Instead things have got very human!
But here goes, because this idea makes me giggle a lot more than the more general comment I wrote before at the blog.
My body at the moment is busily engaged in turning me into a proper Girl. I’m attracting a lot of attention from lovely, lovely men, and one of them held me in his arms the other day and I felt safe, secure and protected by these beautiful male arms around me. I wanted to burrow into them and never come out again. I have NEVER felt that in my life!
I am also coming to terms with male lust in a way I never did before. In short, I like it. Again, I’ve always been scared and protective of myself in that respect. I feel a little like Beauty letting the beast in – and suddenly all the frog tales make sense. I have realised I’m safe and it’s OK to be wanted.
My entire physicality is changing. I feel bewitching, entrancing, sure of myself. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror the other day and thought ‘That girl’s got It!’
I have never had It before with any conscious understanding or sense that I could hold on to It.
It’s conscious learning that is grounding It as something permanent.
The physical feeling is a literal loosening and almost complete surrender in the muscles running down my spine, and various knots of anxiety are beginning to loosen.
- They’re still there and they still win on occasion, but the whole effect is a slow loosening and unwinding.
- There is such a sense of solid, secure peace when it all comes together, but I can feel the knots and fighting still waiting to come up.
- One of the knots is so intense that there’s a slight displacement in the lower rib.
On an emotional level, I feel (and again this is occasional rather than permanent – as yet) very sure of myself, clear in my boundaries, and well able to say ‘No’ and mean it.
So, that’s me today!
Today I danced, and stretched and did my normal life, but with this dance of unfoldment happening inside me all the way through.
I’m a little embarrassed to admit how new all this is to me (because I see women around me who worked it out years ago with no fuss or rib-clenching whatsoever!) – but I’m so happy I chose this path.
Allowing Consciousness to Include Inhabiting My Body More Fully
Coming to my body has been one of the most wonderful surprises and unfoldings I’ve ever experienced.
I used to zone out of my body quite frequently – in a slightly ‘absent-minded professorish’ way, but there came a point where things got so intense that I had to learn to be in my body or else – it was like bootcamp for getting hold of my consciousness and becoming present.
In the process I discovered that spending time in my body would calm everything down, and I started going for bodywork, stretching, engaging with gravity both standing and sitting. I grew two inches! and at originally 5’2” and now 5’4”, I’m very pleased with that
Now, I might play games or think about things, as I did in the past, but there’s always an awareness of my body involved, and as I release my ‘stuff’ my body literally unwinds and loosens. I move like a professional dancer or a yoga bunny– and five years ago I was tense, tight, anxious and almost completely unaware. It didn’t happen from the outside, but from the inside.
I don’t pick up on people’s postures any more.
Now, I see my body as the ground for all my self-development.
- If I am tense or numb in some muscles, that tension and numbness reflects an area of my life where I’m stll zoned out or protecting myself.
- Anger, resentment, resistance – they all show up in sinew and fascia and muscle.
- Learning to fully relax every muscle is a beautiful process of coming into trust in both my ability to stand as myself in the world, and in life to take care of me.
Moving Forward on My Personal Path of Development, my Ph.D. at Earth School
Even my PhD on the opposite sex is held as an embedded pattern in my thoracic spine, and loosening that area creates ahas without any effort – but actually more than aha’s, a deep instinct that guides me without having to even think about it.
I am not the same person I was.
It has been occasionally rather scary to let go and allow myself to, for instance, pout – I was never ‘girly’ – but it’s part of the nature of womanhood, and realising how tense I’ve held myself even by the statement ‘I am not girly’, the suppression implied, and my complete blindness to that potential within me – it’s humbling.
It’s also cyclical – each unfolding and release brings me deeper into contact with physical being – the small shiftings and movements that are always occurring to keep us in balance, the precise feeling of temperature and air on my skin and the feel of my feet in my shoes. If I have a particular emotion I can dance it out, or if I’m feeling miserable, tight and tense, can use my body to express that feeling and begin to shift it that way.
There’s a wonderful book called ‘The Posture of Meditation’ by Will Johnson, which is the deepest and most beautiful love poem to the soul that I have ever read. In it, the author posits that simply by creating an aligned posture, the body can begin to relax, and effortlessly reveal the deepest states of enlightenment.