EMPATH #1, “Fran” had me read her aura, and it was a delight. Besides being well trained as a healer, she clearly had strong skills as an empath.

Her empath circuits were strong and wonderfully unencumbered by other people’s stuff. Moreover, Fran’s aura showed clearly that she had learned how to keep her empath gifts OFF most of the time, turning them on only when desired and doing this in ways that kept her safe.

EMPATH #2, Freya, gives empaths advice at her blog. I applaud her intent to help people get in control of their abilities. “It’s not always an easy process, but it is an achievable one, provided you make the effort.”

Then Freya goes on to advise empaths to project their emotions outward in order to change other people:

“Feel free to use [your emotions] to help others heal on an emotional level. If they’re angry, send them love. If they’re panicked, send them love. If they’re scared, send them love. I know that sounds corny, but that’s what you’re doing when you project calming energy for the sake of helping someone.

“People who are angry or panicked are imbalanced (for that moment, at least) and your projection of the opposite emotion can really help to stabilize them. You needn’t do anything special, simple feel the emotion in your heart chakra and will it out of your body and over to them — you do this without thinking all day long, so don’t worry; you can do it whenever you set your mind to it.”

“EMPATH” DOES NOT MEAN “EMOTIONAL”

I do not (NOT!!!) advocate following this advice. But I do find it well worth discussing here because it brings up some important ideas for empaths who wish to become skilled empaths, not merely talented empaths.

Must you be an empath in order to be able to send your emotions out strongly toward other people? Of course not.

Everyone can project emotions… or try to coerce other people “for their own good.” By comparsion, only 1 in 20 people was born as an empath.

Freya is not the only writer in the field of empath empowerment who confuses being emotionally intense with being an empath. Karla McLaren has published a CD that has influenced a lot of empaths: “Becoming an Empath.”

There she defines being an empath in purely emotional terms. In fact, one of her recommendations is that every empath should find support from others because, being an empath, you’ll need it.

Right! You’ll need support if you follow this method because you won’t, alas, develop skill as an empath. Karla is an appealing writer who can offer help of the misery-loves-company variety.

Years after “Becoming an Empath,” she has publicly renounced her work, but the publisher still sells her CD. Like Elvis still being in the building, right?

As an alert empath, straight from the title “Becoming an Empath,” you may recognize a problem. A person can’t “become” an empath. Yes, you can learn Emotional Intelligence or manners or tweak your social boundaries. But either you are born as an empath or else you’re not.

If you are born as an empath, it shows in your aura right from babyhood (actually, right from the time you are in the womb). Any skilled aura reader can find it, along with other gifts of your soul.

But you qualify as an empath if you have ANY gift to directly experience what it is like to be someone else. Your gift could be physical, intellectual, spiritual, environmental, plant, animal, crystal, mechanical, even molecular, not necessarily emotional at all.

WHAT BEING AN EMPATH DOES NOT MEAN

Emotional problems.  Anyone can have them. Sometimes they’re short-term problems and sometimes long-term. But having emotional problems does not mean a person is an empath.

Many of the conversations you’ll find online, googling on “empath,” concern either emotional problems or teenage angst. Sometimes born empaths write about how they suffer or, as Freya correctly reports, they feel it is is “a curse” to be an empath.

How can you tell if you are an empath or, to be blunt, you’re really dealing with emotional problems instead? I’d recommend that you get a copy of Empowered by Empathy and find out if you can relate to the gifts and experiences described there, right from the first page where I write about being “Malled.”

If the techniques that follow in that book help you, there’s a clue that many of your long-term problems have not been a curse at all! An empath doesn’t have a disability but a talent. Very likely your past suffering has been due to your being merely a talented empath, but not yet a skilled empath.

If the techniques help you a bit, but you’re still suffering, you might benefit from emotional and spiritual healing. This will supplement your growing skills as an empath. Some options that I offer for healing are in the LINKS section below, but they’re hardly the only resources around. Your job is to decide what speaks to your needs and follow up accordingly.

PLEASE DO NOT ADD TO THIS PROBLEM

Back at Freya’s projection technique, I’m concerned that she’s furthering the popular misunderstanding that confuses being an empath with having emotional problems. (Wouldn’t anyone who is troubled prefer to tell herself or himself, “This is happening because I am talented as an empath”?)

But what really distressed me — enough for me to write this blog post — is the advice that Freya advocates about pushing your emotions on others for their own good.

There is a technical name for what she advocates. It is not “empath.” It is “psychic coercion” or even “psychic attack.”

“But all I’m doing is sending out love to calm people and fix their problems.”

Alas, projecting ANY emotion, wish, thought of yours into another person breaks a spiritual law.

Love can be contagious. Real love, however, cannot be forced or inflicted upon others.

You may know that, besides training empaths, I facilitate sessions of emotional and spiritual healing. Just last week I did a session for an extremely well-trained and talented energy worker. Her training had not included knowledge of psychic coercion and we removed, literally, truckloads of it from her aura.

Never, ever presume to inflict your values or choices to over-ride another person’s free will. And certainly, don’t use the word “empath” to justify psychic coercion.

READY FOR A LAUGH?

One very talented empath, Brenda, has had a number of sessions with me. Partly, she has gone for coaching to become a skilled empath and partly Brenda has asked me to help her cut a number of (rather vile) cords of attachment.

One of these was to a stalker, “Buddy.” Currently in jail, Buddy had taken a shine to Brenda and thought of her has the love of his life.

Buddy was so crazy, he even requested a conjugal visit. Imagine Brenda picking up the phone and being asked if she was ready to schedule a love-in with a man she had never even dated. Well, this really happened.

Brenda declined. Brenda objected. The prison official who called to arrange this love tryst was, evidently, a person of great — if misplaced – compassion. Disappointed that Brenda refused to come, she said:

“Buddy wanted me to tell you, he just wants to hold you and love you like a puppy.”

Love — sometimes it is the answer. Sometimes, frankly, it’s not.

LINKS

Develop skills as an empath with this simple, inexpensive tutoring session between pages, Empowered by Empathy. In America or Canada, you can order it 24/7 with a toll-free number: 800-345-6665. Or use this magic empath button to order online. (Just teasing about that name. It’s regular old ordering, with money, that helps to keep me blogging and, otherwise, doing this wonderful work.)

If you prefer audiobooks, you’re in luck with the audio edition of Empowered by Empathy. And you can hear a free sample by scrolling down the page to which this link takes you.

Sometimes an empath-in-training will prefer personal mentoring. This can be done over the phone or in person. Empath Empowerment is a skill set, not just a wish. It takes some learning, and the great thing about study of this kind is that you just get one session at a time. One session might do it for you, or maybe you might need several, but either way you will only commit to the time and cost that is appropriate for you. These sessions are still $125 for 55 minutes. To set one in motion, start by ordering a personal session here.

Try one of these sessions also if you’re not sure you’re an empath.

As an empath, or simply a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), or if you worry that you are under psychic attack, you may find a great deal of relief by doing a personal session of Aura Transformation. This will involve healing with Energy Spirituality, probably including my cutting a cord of attachment.

Another way to free you up as an empath is Regression Therapy. My specialty in this field is Energy Release Regression Therapy, which is done in person here in metro D.C. (Sterling, Virginia, to be precise). If you are having trouble developing skill as an empath — or suffer from other problems described in detail here — this method of healing could be just what you’ve been seeking.

Loads of free FAQs at my website can help you to learn more about:

• Cutting cords of attachment

• Sessions of Regression Therapy

• Becoming a skilled empath

• and many of the other topics involved in Deeper Perception Made Practical

• Skilled empaths
• Questing empaths trying to find out “Who am I?”
• Scared empaths, fleeing energy vampires and narcissists
• Despairing empaths who believe they are damaged forever
• Empaths who (mistakenly) think they know everything about how to be skilled because they now “pay attention to boundaries.”

Here I’d like to give some much-needed clarification to the whole empath-boundaries-protection issue.

WHAT IS AN EMPATH?

Most beginners believe that an empath feels other people’s feelings.

Well, that’s a piece of the puzzle. Maybe.

At best, this definition is incomplete and misleading. But at worst, this definition is completely inaccurate.

The same goes for the common notion that all an empath needs is better boundaries and, like magic, all nasty empath problems will be solved.Here is what I have found, helping thousands of empaths worldwide. Incidentally, we have just signed our Foreign Rights Contract #26 with Prestij, a publisher in Turkey, for my how-to method, Empowered by Empathy. Editions have already been published in Japan and The Slovak Republic. (Legal contracts for foreign editions are boundaries I definitely do approve of!) An empath has at least one significant gift for directly experiencing at depth what it is like to be someone else.

Similarly, if you know about Dr. Elaine Aron’s concept of Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs), that’s very helpful. She has enormous wisdom to share. But this shouldn’t be confused with the skills you need if you were born as an empath. About 1 in 4 Americans is wired as an HSP, while 1 in 20 Americans is wired as an empath. You do the math!

WHAT KIND OF EMPATH ARE YOU?

If you are an empath, not just a Highly Sensitive Person, you could have more than one gift. Your gift could be smaller or greater. But it still counts as being born as an empath if you have only one smallish gift. That gift could be:

1. Emotional Intuition Empath: Knowing about other people’s emotions without feeling them. (Note: This has nothing to do with having strong boundaries.)
2. Emotional Oneness Empath: Knowing about other people’s emotions by feeling them. (Note: This is the ONLY gift on our list that matches what most people think it means to be an empath. Having this gift has nothing to do with whether or not the empath happens to have strong boundaries.)
3. Being an Intellectual Empath: Knowing how other people think, without necessarily feeling any emotions connected to this. (Note: This has nothing to do with having strong boundaries.)
4. Physical Oneness Empath: Taking on other people’s physical experiences (like hunger or feeling pain somewhere) without necessarily feeling any emotions connected to this. (Note: This has nothing to do with having strong boundaries.)
5. Physical Intuition Empath: Knowing about other people’s physical sensations (like hunger or feeling pain somewhere) without necessarily feeling any emotions connected to this. (Note: This has nothing to do with having strong boundaries, either.)
6. Spiritual Oneness Empath: Experiencing another person’s connection to source, also that person’s fear of hell, self-doubts, denial, etc. None of this necessarily involves sharing a person’s emotions. (Note: This has nothing to do with having strong boundaries, either.)
7. Environmental Empath: Connecting with the consciousness of one or more natural landscapes. None of this necessarily involves sharing a person’s emotions.
8. Animal Empath: Connecting with the consciousness of one or more animals. None of this necessarily involves sharing a person’s emotions. (Nor is it the same thing as being an animal communicator, animal healer, or animal rights activist or having strong boundaries)
9. Plant Empath: Connecting with the consciousness of one or more growing plants. None of this necessarily involves sharing emotions or having strong boundaries.
10. Crystal Empath: Connecting with the consciousness of one or more crystals, precious or semi-precious stones. None of this necessarily involves sharing emotions or having strong boundaries.
11. Mechanical Empath: Connecting with the consciousness of one or more machines. None of this necessarily involves sharing emotions or having strong boundaries.
12. The talented Dr. Judith Orloff likes to use the term Intuitive Empath. If this makes you feel more special, go ahead! But then, for Heaven’s sake, go back over this list and see specifically which of these gift(s) you actually have.
13. Same thing if you call yourself a Sensitive Empath or Victimized Empath Dealing with Psychic Vampires or Empath Who Lacks Strong Boundaries or Fallen Angel Empath, etc.

True empath empowerment means that you become a skilled empath, regardless of which gift(s) you have. I can teach you! See the Links page at the end of this post for resources.

“But I want it now and I want it fast!”

Do I ever hear that a lot! “Give me the link so that I can learn how to become a skilled empath.”

To really, authentically, learn to become a skilled empath is not going to be instant, however. Or glib. Or two quick little screens on the Internet.

Becoming a skilled empath is not about trying to have strong boundaries. I’ll explain why later in this post.

Please, if you’ve been expecting a five-minute fix of any kind to turn you into a skilled empath, have more respect for yourself. And have more respect for the life-changing set of skills involved in learning this very different, natural way of holding your consciousness.

How much time and money have you spent on drinking coffee at Starbucks? Downloading and sharing MP3 files? Even getting professional manicures or washing your car!

Crazy but true…  some newbies at becoming a skilled empath assume… that it is fine to spend time and money on these other things yet everything about personal growth should be instant and free. Where, in some science fiction world? Don’t be a cheapskate about your spiritual life just because it doesn’t show on the outside.

Oops, it does show, actually! To an aura reader, skimping on your inner life is glaringly obvious. (More on this later.) Within yourself, it can make a night-and-day difference, becoming a skilled empath.

And to the “avoid psychic vampires and narcissists” school of being an empath, wouldn’t it be better to develop skills as a person, not merely aim for avoidance? Seeking stronger boundaries is just a bit more useful, but not much.

The only attempts to become a skilled empath that are instant and simple and right out there on the Internet… don’t really work.

AVOIDING ENERGY VAMPIRES AND SPOTTING NARCISSISTS

A perfect example of this is the idea that a skilled empath just needs to avoid toxic people: psychic vampires, narcissists, people who would send you psychic attacks or hurt you in any way.

Sure, dangerous people exist. Although I am extremely skeptical about psychic attack, there are definitely folks among us who could qualify as psychic vampires and narcissists.

But hiding away from scary people is not a big secret of becoming a skilled empath. To some extent this is a basic survival skill for every sane and adult human being.

Alas, avoiding psychic vampires and narcissists can also become a convenient way of blaming others, and substituting an easy label for solving one’s own problems.

BOUNDARY ISSUES

If the solution to an empath’s problems isn’t avoiding psychic vampires and spotting narcissists, surely it is stronger boundaries, right?

Wrong. One quick-but-good aura reading could prove this to you.

What, you’re not reading auras yet in depth and detail? I’d love to teach you that, too. Everyone was not born as an empath. However, everyone was born with a full gift set for aura reading.

All your life, you’ve been using this gift set to read people, store memories into your subconscious mind, tell when you’re in love, and plenty of other practical uses. Well, you can learn dedicated techniques to use that same personal gift set to become a really good aura reader. 

When you do, here’s what you’ll find, reading the aura of an unskilled empath who works hard at strong boundaries:

• At least one gorgeous in-born gift for directly experiencing what it is like to be someone else.
• Loads of STUFF in the aura, taken in from other people. Yes, it could be emotions. It could be other kinds of junk, too.
• The STUFF detracts from the unskilled empath’s quality of life. It can cause anxiety, poor learning ability, depression, and a host of other problems.
• STUFF also makes it very hard to answer the question “Who am I?”
• For an empath who has been “working on my boundaries” you will also find WALLS. They could be around the heart chakra, the solar plexus chakra, or elsewhere.
• Boundaries can make a person seem strong, alright. Also phony, fake, artificial, inauthentic. So the better you are at giving yourself big, firm boundaries, the more fake you’ll seem.

Yes, “stronger boundaries” can just be another word for walls in an aura. These walls definitely do NOT keep out other people’s STUFF. They just give an illusion that you are “taking control of your life” and “doing something.”

Walls do something, all right. They don’t keep out fear or pain or other STUFF. They don’t protect you against psychic vampires or narcissists. They don’t keep you from forming cords of attachment. Walls mainly add rigidity to the personality. And they make it hard for people on your wavelength –friends, lovers, business clients — to find you.

Unfortunately, some well-meaning unskilled empaths work really hard at strong boundaries. They create big walls, or armoring, in their auras. Then they have an easy, obvious answer to “Who am I?” Finally, they have an answer. But that answer is horribly limiting.

WHAT SKILL FOR AN EMPATH REALLY MEANS

You deserve more, as a born empath, than to flee psychic vampires and narcissists or to put up walls that distort your personality.

To “protect yourself” as an empath, you need to wake up from the inside. I mean wake up fully from inside — your way of being in your body, your emotional nature, your mind, your spiritual connection. You can’t just add hyper-vigilance about your emotional feelings. You are more than your feelings, just as you are more than your physical body.

This holds true whatever your empath gift(s). The best way to become a skilled empath involves a wake-up call from deep within your consciousness. Doing this strengthens you so much as a person that it also protects you from taking on another person’s STUFF.

In addition, there are some simple techniques to learn, as described in Empowered by Empathy, for using your inner self-awareness more fully in ways that will help you.

Put this all together and you can:

• Understand your gift(s), those YOU, specifically, have as an empath.
• Keep your gift(s) turned OFF most of the time, doing this on purpose. Without artificial walls or other boundaries that can make a person feel inauthentic to others.
• Turn your gift(s) ON when you choose to do this part on purpose. Until you have safely turned your gift(s) ON, as a skilled empath, you have no idea how powerful it can be… for knowledge, for wisdom, for service, for healing.

Empowered by Empathy teaches you all this. If you can find another way to learn, more power to you! To my knowledge, no other books have this combination. (That’s why we’re selling so many foreign rights and my method was awarded a trademark.)

Before buying a book or studying with a teacher, you might wish to compare what is being taught and use your common sense as a consumer.

If you can find another way to learn, more power to you! No other books have this combination. Before buying a book or studying with a teacher, you might wish to compare what is being taught and use your common sense as a consumer.Working with boundaries, you might:

• Use affirmations
• Try protecting yourself with a shield or other visualization
• Check on your behavior and periodically remind yourself to have strong boundaries.

All this may make for a meaningful hobby. It’s a quick idea, easy to master. With imagination, you can find all you need from this part of our article and do the whole project as a complete do-it-yourselfer.

• But will this approach wake you up as a person, from the inside, and provide a strong answer to “Who am I?”
• Will it keep out other people’s STUFF from griming up your aura?
• Will it help you to become more authentic as a person, rather than more armored and, ultimately, less authentic?

I believe you deserve better. You deserve true empath empowerment.

LINKS