Your trusty reporter returns for Part Two in this series, writing to you from the country of small chairs, low enough so that her feet are pretty much guaranteed to touch the floor. (Being 5 feet, one inch, plus change, that doesn’t always happen for me in America.)
Besides having small chairs, Japan is also a land of gigantic politeness, where degrees of deference are built right into the language. Yet even here, it is possible to make yourself the most important person in the room.
How can that be? Self-importance that I’m recommending has little to do with external behavior and everything to do with inner consciousness.
Yes, you can develop a mighty sense of self based in spiritual awareness, which would be especially important if you have been born as an empath. (And I’m defining “empath” here as someone with at least one significant, trainable gift for directly experiencing what it is like to be other people, whether that gift be intellectual, spiritual, physical, emotional, environmental, etc., whether you have one gift or many. Click here for FAQs about being an empath.)
Connecting to a sense of self, inwardly, is the most important part of becoming a skilled empath. Granted, all the TURN OFF skills are not nearly as flashy as the TURN ON skills you can learn, as well. But until you gain a strong and flexible sense of yourself, inwardly, you’re at risk for picking up other people’s fear, pain, etc. This STUFF can be psychological or physical or spirititual.
Although real, it doesn’t truly belong to you; with skills, it will leave. This could be the easiest healing you’ve ever had. Recently a student told me that her knee hurt constantly until she read Empowered by Empathy. The pain left, and it hasn’t returned since.
CONSCIOUSNESS, NOT BEHAVIOR
To some extent, many thoughtful empaths are aware that something needs strengthening. They just don’t know quite what. At a recent talk in Tokyo, I asked my audience how many had tried approaches like these:
- Tighten your boundaries
- Stop acting over-sensitive
- Avoid toxic people
In our group of 60, about half raised their hands. It’s the conventional wisdom, after all.
Then I asked those with hands up to raise a second hand if trying this had helped them much. Many second hands went up, which surprised me. Usually people don’t find much real improvement from these psychologically-oriented approaches, not if they’re empaths in the first place. Essentially, these are social approaches, behavior-based, e.g., After having a reaction in a particular situation, you tell yourself. “You’re being over-sensitive. Stop it.”
In my opinion, these approaches work far better for people who are NOT empaths. Why? Unskilled — merely talented — empaths move in and out of the auras of other people, doing quick and instinctive merges with them, picking up their pain, coming back to self… all of this happening quicker than the flicker of a candle flame… over and over all day long. What happens isn’t conscious. And unless the person can read auras, he/she will have no clue about all the debris being deposited into his/her energy field.
As I waited for audience members to decide whether to raise that second hand, my attention went toward a man in the front. In a quick (intentional) empath merge, I popped into his experience. It went like this:
“Of course, this is supposed to work. Well, I worked at it hard. I gave it my best. So I have to say that it worked.
“Do I actually feel better? No, but I do have that familiar virtuous sense of having worked hard and done the right thing.
“Sigh! It is just my lot in life that I do all the things I’m supposed to but I’m still so unhappy.”
Friends, never, ever settle for standards like these in the realm of healing. It’s one step away from “The operation was successful but the patient died.”
When you, an empath, make yourself the most important person in the room, does that translate into selfish behavior? Not at all. You just level the playing field.
To a non-empath (most people) your basic approach to life is that you’re the most important person in the room.
Being self-absorbed is an entirely different consideration. When you do aura readings, explore someone’s heart chakra databanks, or belly chakra databanks around sexuality, or throat chakra databanks around intimacy in communication, etc. Occasionally, you’ll find that a person carries STUFF in his/her aura, like big walls, or simple disinterest in others. As a result, life is experienced as “Me, me, me,” with no real room for experiencing others.
Think about that distinction, Blog-Buddies. How you hold life, from deep inside. Do you have an sense of yourself, flowing in and out of different situations? Does that depend on your “image,” how other people treat you, or just who and what you are?