All kinds of empaths talk with me:
- Skilled empaths
- Questing empaths trying to find out “Who am I?”
- Scared empaths, fleeing energy vampires and narcissists
- Despairing empaths who believe they are damaged forever
- Empaths who (mistakenly) think they know everything about how to be skilled because they now “pay attention to boundaries.”
Here I’d like to give some much-needed clarification to the whole empath-boundaries-protection issue.
WHAT IS AN EMPATH?
Most beginners believe that an empath feels other people’s feelings.
Well, that’s a piece of the puzzle. Maybe.
At best, this definition is incomplete and misleading. But at worst, this definition is completely inaccurate.
The same goes for the common notion that all an empath needs is better boundaries and, like magic, all nasty empath problems will be solved. Here is what I have found, helping thousands of empaths worldwide. Incidentally, we have just signed our Foreign Rights Contract #26 with Prestij, a publisher in Turkey, for my how-to method, Empowered by Empathy. Editions have already been published in Japan and The Slovak Republic. (Legal contracts for foreign editions are boundaries I definitely do approve of!) An empath has at least one significant gift for directly experiencing at depth what it is like to be someone else.
It shows from the time that you’re in the womb. Being born as an empath has nothing to do with whether or not you have boundaries as a person.
Similarly, if you know about Dr. Elaine Aron’s concept of Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs), that’s very helpful. She has enormous wisdom to share. But this shouldn’t be confused with the skills you need if you were born as an empath. About 1 in 4 Americans is wired as an HSP, while 1 in 20 Americans is wired as an empath. You do the math!
WHAT KIND OF EMPATH ARE YOU?
If you are an empath, not just a Highly Sensitive Person, you could have more than one gift. Your gift could be smaller or greater. But it still counts as being born as an empath if you have only one smallish gift. That gift could be:
- Emotional Intuition: Knowing about other people’s emotions without feeling them. (Note: This has nothing to do with having strong boundaries.)
- Emotional Oneness: Knowing about other people’s emotions by feeling them. (Note: This is the ONLY gift on our list that matches what most people think it means to be an empath. Having this gift has nothing to do with whether or not the empath happens to have strong boundaries.)
- Being an Intellectual Empath: Knowing how other people think, without necessarily feeling any emotions connected to this. (Note: This has nothing to do with having strong boundaries.)
- Physical Oneness: Taking on other people’s physical experiences (like hunger or feeling pain somewhere) without necessarily feeling any emotions connected to this. (Note: This has nothing to do with having strong boundaries.)
- Physical Intuition: Knowing about other people’s physical sensations (like hunger or feeling pain somewhere) without necessarily feeling any emotions connected to this. (Note: This has nothing to do with having strong boundaries, either.)
- Spiritual Oneness: Experiencing another person’s connection to source, also that person’s fear of hell, self-doubts, denial, etc. None of this necessarily involves sharing a person’s emotions. (Note: This has nothing to do with having strong boundaries, either.)
- Environmental Empath: Connecting with the consciousness of one or more natural landscapes. None of this necessarily involves sharing a person’s emotions.
- Animal Empath: Connecting with the consciousness of one or more animals. None of this necessarily involves sharing a person’s emotions. (Nor is it the same thing as being an animal communicator, animal healer, or animal rights activist or having strong boundaries)
- Plant Empath: Connecting with the consciousness of one or more growing plants. None of this necessarily involves sharing emotions or having strong boundaries.
- Crystal Empath: Connecting with the consciousness of one or more crystals, precious or semi-precious stones. None of this necessarily involves sharing emotions or having strong boundaries.
- Mechanical Empath: Connecting with the consciousness of one or more machines. None of this necessarily involves sharing emotions or having strong boundaries.
- The talented Dr. Judith Orloff likes to use the term Intuitive Empath. If this makes you feel more special, go ahead! But then, for Heaven’s sake, go back over this list and see specifically which of these gift(s) you actually have.
- Same thing if you call yourself a Sensitive Empath or Victimized Empath Dealing with Psychic Vampires or Empath Who Lacks Strong Boundaries or Fallen Angel Empath, etc.
True Empath Empowerment® means that you become a skilled empath, regardless of which gift(s) you have. I can teach you! See the Links page at the end of this post for resources.
“But I want it now and I want it fast!”
Do I ever hear that a lot! “Give me the link so that I can learn how to become a skilled empath.”
To really, authentically, learn to become a skilled empath is not going to be instant, however. Or glib. Or two quick little screens on the Internet.
Becoming a skilled empath is not about trying to have strong boundaries. I’ll explain why later in this post.
Please, if you’ve been expecting a five-minute fix of any kind to turn you into a skilled empath, have more respect for yourself. And have more respect for the life-changing set of skills involved in learning this very different, natural way of holding your consciousness.
How much time and money have you spent on drinking coffee at Starbucks? Downloading and sharing MP3 files? Even getting professional manicures or washing your car!
Crazy but true… some newbies at becoming a skilled empath assume… that it is fine to spend time and money on these other things yet everything about personal growth should be instant and free. Where, in some science fiction world? Don’t be a cheapskate about your spiritual life just because it doesn’t show on the outside.
Oops, it does show, actually! To an aura reader, skimping on your inner life is glaringly obvious. (More on this later.) Within yourself, it can make a night-and-day difference, becoming a skilled empath.
And to the “avoid psychic vampires and narcissists” school of being an empath, wouldn’t it be better to develop skills as a person, not merely aim for avoidance? Seeking stronger boundaries is just a bit more useful, but not much.
The only attempts to become a skilled empath that are instant and simple and right out there on the Internet… don’t really work.
AVOIDING ENERGY VAMPIRES AND SPOTTING NARCISSISTS
A perfect example of this is the idea that a skilled empath just needs to avoid toxic people: psychic vampires, narcissists, people who would send you psychic attacks or hurt you in any way.
Sure, dangerous people exist. Although I am extremely skeptical about psychic attack, there are definitely folks among us who could qualify as psychic vampires and narcissists.
But hiding away from scary people is not a big secret of becoming a skilled empath. To some extent this is a basic survival skill for every sane and adult human being.
Alas, avoiding psychic vampires and narcissists can also become a convenient way of blaming others, and substituting an easy label for solving one’s own problems.
If the solution to an empath’s problems isn’t avoiding psychic vampires and spotting narcissists, surely it is stronger boundaries, right?
Wrong. One quick-but-good aura reading could prove this to you.
What, you’re not reading auras yet in depth and detail? I’d love to teach you that, too. Everyone was not born as an empath. However, everyone was born with a full gift set for aura reading.
All your life, you’ve been using this gift set to read people, store memories into your subconscious mind, tell when you’re in love, and plenty of other practical uses. Well, you can learn dedicated techniques to use that same personal gift set to become a really good aura reader.
When you do, here’s what you’ll find, reading the aura of an unskilled empath who works hard at strong boundaries:
- At least one gorgeous in-born gift for directly experiencing what it is like to be someone else.
- Loads of STUFF in the aura, taken in from other people. Yes, it could be emotions. It could be other kinds of junk, too.
- The STUFF detracts from the unskilled empath’s quality of life. It can cause worry, poor learning ability, sadness, and a host of other problems.
- STUFF also makes it very hard to answer the question “Who am I?”
- For an empath who has been “working on my boundaries” you will also find WALLS. They could be around the heart chakra, the solar plexus chakra, or elsewhere.
- Boundaries can make a person seem strong, alright. Also phony, fake, artificial, inauthentic. So the better you are at giving yourself big, firm boundaries, the more fake you’ll seem.
Yes, “stronger boundaries” can just be another word for walls in an aura. These walls definitely do NOT keep out other people’s STUFF. They just give an illusion that you are “taking control of your life” and “doing something.”
Walls do something, all right. They don’t keep out fear or pain or other STUFF. They don’t protect you against psychic vampires or narcissists. They don’t keep you from forming cords of attachment. Walls mainly add rigidity to the personality. And they make it hard for people on your wavelength –friends, lovers, business clients — to find you.
Unfortunately, some well-meaning unskilled empaths work really hard at strong boundaries. They create big walls, or armoring, in their auras. Then they have an easy, obvious answer to “Who am I?” Finally, they have an answer. But that answer is horribly limiting.
WHAT SKILL FOR AN EMPATH REALLY MEANS
You deserve more, as a born empath, than to flee psychic vampires and narcissists or to put up walls that distort your personality.
To “protect yourself” as an empath, you need to wake up from the inside. I mean wake up fully from inside — your way of being in your body, your emotional nature, your mind, your spiritual connection. You can’t just add hyper-vigilance about your emotional feelings. You are more than your feelings, just as you are more than your physical body.
This holds true whatever your empath gift(s). The best way to become a skilled empath involves a wake-up call from deep within your consciousness. Doing this strengthens you so much as a person that it also protects you from taking on another person’s STUFF.
In addition, there are some simple techniques to learn, as described in Empath Empowerment in 30 Days for using your inner self-awareness more fully in ways that will help you.
Put this all together and you can:
- Understand your gift(s), those YOU, specifically, have as an empath.
- Keep your gift(s) turned OFF most of the time, doing this on purpose. Without artificial walls or other boundaries that can make a person feel inauthentic to others.
- Turn your gift(s) ON when you choose to do this part on purpose. Until you have safely turned your gift(s) ON, as a skilled empath, you have no idea how powerful it can be… for knowledge, for wisdom, for service, for healing.
Empath Empowerment in 30 Days teaches you all this. If you can find another way to learn, more power to you! To my knowledge, no other books have this combination. (That’s why we’re selling so many foreign rights and my method was awarded a trademark.)
Before buying a book or studying with a teacher, you might wish to compare what is being taught and use your common sense as a consumer.
If you can find another way to learn, more power to you! No other books have this combination. Before buying a book or studying with a teacher, you might wish to compare what is being taught and use your common sense as a consumer. Working with boundaries, you might:
- Use affirmations
- Try protecting yourself with a shield or other visualization
- Check on your behavior and periodically remind yourself to have strong boundaries.
All this may make for a meaningful hobby. It’s a quick idea, easy to master. With imagination, you can find all you need from this part of our article and do the whole project as a complete do-it-yourselfer.
- But will this approach wake you up as a person, from the inside, and provide a strong answer to “Who am I?”
- Will it keep out other people’s STUFF from griming up your aura?
- Will it help you to become more authentic as a person, rather than more armored and, ultimately, less authentic?
I believe you deserve better. You deserve true empath empowerment.