On his personal path to Enlightenment, JOE has been proud of himself lately. Because he can’t help noticing how, increasingly, he has found himself avoiding all negative people
“I just can’t stand to be with them any more,” he told me with an air of triumph.
Uh-oh. Is that really such a good thing, no longer being willing or able to tolerate negative people?
Don’t think I advocate being purposely negative. In fact, this article will contain some practical recommendations in pursuit of the kind of positive quality of life that wise people desire.
It’s just misguided, IMHO, to pursue happiness (or Enlightenment) by the Tosser Method. Where one simply judges others as negative, tosses each relationship, and then brags about it.
Worst case of “Forced Positivity” for chakra databanks
Actually I encounter this worst case of “Forced Positivity”quite often in clients who work hard at being positive. Consider hard-working GLADYS, for instance. This new client has struggled to stay positive. And although it’s smart to make positive choices for happiness on the surface level of life, “Forced Positivity” happens quite often.
That’s where someone as hardworking as GLADYS takes the positivity pursuit inward, bringing “giving self a hard time” to the level of habitual torture.
So I found problems like these, reading GLADYS’ aura at the level of chakra databanks:
Solar Plexus Chakra Databank for Self-Confidence:
1/8 inch. Angry and frustrated. Pushing herself to stay positive.
Heart Chakra Databank for Emotional Self-Esteem
1/8 inch. Discouraged. Self-loathing. Trying hard to stay cheerful and in a perpetual good mood.
To tell GLADYS had problems, you didn’t have to read her aura, however. Her auric modeling was shot through with the troubling results of forcing herself to be what she was not.
(Blog-Buddies, you may know about auric modeling, how the truth of our auras shows to everyone and can’t be faked. Due to auric modeling, everyone reads everyone else’s aura subconsciously.)
What would have helped more? Well, GLADYS started that with our first session, permanently moving out STUFF from her aura and subconscious mind. Less STUFF means more spontaneous, positive engagement in life.
Dumping people, villifying them, projecting negativity onto them… isn’t that the sort of thing that commonly happens with “I just can’t stand to be with negative people any more”?
Once I worked as a secretary for AARP’s National Retired Teachers Association. My boss, SALLY KELLING, was a remarkable communicator. She could talk to anyone, pull out the likability in anyone.
If folks had a particle of decency in them, SALLY would find it and speak to that.
She wasn’t phony. (Alas, she wasn’t perfect, either. But that’s another story.) SALLY just had superb communication skills… and the desire to get the best from every relationship.
I used to book airline tickets for my boss and make the rest of her travel arrangements. After one such trip, SALLY started getting calls from Ms. JOE. I couldn’t understand it, at first. Why all the calls? SALLY was constantly in meetings with high-powered executives. Ms. JOE didn’t seem to be one of them.
Turned out, Ms. JOE got to sit next to SALLY on a recent flight. Ms. JOE became convinced that SALLY was her new best friend.
After solving this mystery, SALLY gave a gentle laugh. Evidently she was used to having strangers falling in love with her.
I’m all for being that kind of person, authentically charming. One way to not get there is to whip out a Negativity Meter in different social situations, making it your business to assess just how terrible every stranger is.
What can help when dealing with “negative people”?
Based on my personal journey, as well as helping clients over the past 42 years, here are my top five strategies for dealing with people who might be considered simply “negative.”
1. Heal any spiritual addiction
People often seem “negative” to someone whose life is all about New Age Spirituality, Fundamentalist Christianity, etc. (Did you know that, in the U.K., a term for the latter group is “Happy Clappies”?)
Apart from suggestions about overcoming spiritual addiction that you can find in “Magnetize Money with Energetic Literacy” or — in bits and pieces — scattered throughout this blog, consider this: If everyone outside your belief system seems like a “negative person,” maybe it’s time to move outside that belief system.
2. Overcome energy hypochondria
It’s so easy to pull out a Negativity Meter when conscious waking hours are spent monitoring everyone’s energy. Look, I teach aura reading and even I don’t do it all day long. I do no more than 30 minutes total, most days, of all spiritual practices combined.
My conversations tend to be regular, human-type conversations, with people in here-and-now objective reality, learning from the flow of information. (And occasionally learning from the process of the conversation.)
If a conversation isn’t productive, I say and do what I can to make it productive.
How often, I wonder, are folks unfairly blamed for being “negative” or “boring” just because the blamer is lacking some social skills?
3. Move out STUFF that causes suffering
Cutting cords of attachment can make such a difference, as can learning the many skill sets in “Use Your Power of Command for Spiritual Cleansing and Protection.”
GLADYS, for instance, was doing a brave workaround. A cover-up with sweetness and light. Brave but unconvincing.
How wonderful the opportunity to permanently heal the subconscious and astral-level STUFF. No need to cover up then!
4. Put in what aligns with a your soul
Ha, the second 50% of Energy Spirituality! The better known 50% is moving out STUFF with cord-cutting, etc. But the second 50% is also important.
Filling up with what really suits you — that is a very personal type of healing (just like the first 50%, true STUFF removal).
Certain social skills just can’t be learned, so long as old kinds of pain are dominating. And, historically, certain social skills just may not have been available in your childhood this lifetime. Now is a great time to fix that, to supply what is needed.
With less STUFF, anyone becomes more teachable! So never worry that the most painful parts of your history must be your destiny.
Many, many people today are lacking in social skills. Learning them is fun.
Until effective relationship skills are learned, however, one uses up each relationship and tosses it after the rest.
5. Keep your heart open, appropriately
I loved watching how SALLY KELLING used to keep her heart open with people. As her secretary, I got to eavesdrop a lot. And, with SALLY, was eavesdropping ever inspiring.
One way to be with folks is to “Duh!” them, ever-ready to sneer or judge. At the opposite extreme, we can keep our hearts open. We can make the best human connection possible.
If the other person in a conversation doesn’t have much to offer, we still don’t have to close up our hearts. We can keep the relationship pleasant but superficial.
Having a range of skills for different types of conversation sure has a lot more nuance to it than deciding, “That’s a no-good, negative person. He’s dangerous to my mental health and spiritual progress.” 😉
Beware the cultural New Age fad of “all positive”
Fads in cultural life do affect us all, whether or not we’re consciously aware of the social pressure. One such fad is “Being positive.”
No nuance or personal accountability, just judgment!
Just check out some of these Google hits for today:
- Negative people: 42,500,000
- Negative people in your life: 18,800,000
- Avoid negative people: 51,000,000
- Toxic people: 94,800,000
- Avoid toxic people: 11,200,000
- Can’t stand to be around negative people any more: 33,900,000
- Be positive: 761,000,000
Evolution doesn’t mean getting all victimey
Actually, one’s spiritual evolution is NOT directly proportional to one’s disdain. You could look to improvements like these instead, when you have less STUFF in your aura, have improved energetic literacy, etc.
- Accomplishing a great deal every day
- Enjoying yourself, regardless of whom you’re with
- Helping people as you deem it appropriate
- Being The Most Important Person in the Room
- Deepening relationships with people you like
- Managing the degree of intimacy with all your relationships
- Even managing to HAVE relationships with real-live people, in here and now conversations
- Use self-authority gently and persistently all day long
Why the big fuss over negative people?
I’ll bet you Blog-Buddies have developed some interesting theories about this. Bet you have also been hearing people make unrealistic demands lately that YOU become positive. Which, perhaps, means that you drop everything to respond point-for-point to all the ways you have allegedly hurt their tender feelings.
Perhaps you have heard folks talk about avoiding the negative people as though it is a kind of religious duty. Not just being holier than thou but, now, more positive as well.
How Kali Yuga is that, having “negative people” have become unacceptable to the world view? Must all of us now go along sedatedly with the cheerful crowd?
What think you?