Deeper Perception Made Practical



Phony — three ways to avoid seeming phony to others

Phony? That’s not exactly desirable. This blog post gives you three ways to avoid phoning in your life. “Busy” to you. “Phony” to others.

Many a smart teenager goes through a “phony” stage. Not trying to be phony or fake, but obsessively finding fakery in others.

Important, this search for the genuine self and authentic behavior! As teens, we need to figure out who we are and find ways to express it through words and actions, friends and clothing.

Phony? It Matters.

  • As voters, we had darned well better be able to discern authenticity vs. phoniness. (As recently noted in multiple comments related to The Mitt Romney Smile.)
  • As viewers of celebrity photos, we would be wise to spot phony pictures. (As recently noted in Comment 4 by M.)

Some of you Blog-Buddies may even have favorite literary characters who have inspired you in the quest to live authentically. For me, it was Holden Caulfield, hero of “Catcher in the Rye” by J.D. Salinger.

The reclusive Salinger never could have imagined the bigger problem today, a huge social problem, an authenticity problem, and source of much interpersonal confusion.

Phony. As in “Phoning It In”

One way of phoning in life is to, literally, be on the phone.

Talking on the phone while interacting with other humans. Personal dates that are accompanied by both parties tweeting elsewhere (adult dates reminiscent of play dates, back during that stage of development called “Parallel Play”).

Within the realm of consciousness, it matters so much for our spiritual evolution how we position that consciousness.

Blog-Buddy AMANDA had great thoughts to share about this in her Comment 1 at a recent post about handling dramatic and catastrophic events.

Here are three ways to avoid “phoning in” one’s own life.

Phony Due to “Going spiritual”

A lot of outsourcing occurs these days in New Age circles.

It can be so sweet to discover The Other Side in the form of angels. Or  to start meditation for the first time. Or to discover prayer.

With the rising vibrations on earth, even old methods of seeking guidance or meditating can become more rewarding than ever.

However, these can all become too much of a good thing. Also known as “Spiritual Addiction.” This has been a topic of many blog posts. (Just noodle around, typing “Spiritual Addiction” into our search box!)

All these sweet attempts to better oneself can actually slow down a person’s spiritual evolution, however. Three tests can tell you if this is happening to you:

  • Are you phoning in your life because you’re so busy multi-tasking… while doing the really cool spiritual part?
  • When you encounter a difficulty during your day, do you check out and “Go spiritual” by seeking the really cool psychic guidance or What Would Jesus Do? (To other people, the resulting glassy eyes and phoning-in demeanor will not be inspiring.)
  • Are you wrapped in in The Romance of the Astral? So flashy! So fascinating! Only that doesn’t lead to Enlightenment. (Check out who has made it so far onto our Enlightenment Life List, for instance. Unlike many nominees for that list, you won’t find a single practicing psychic, medium, or channeler.)

Instead of “Go spiritual,” it is far more evolutionary to have up to 30 minutes per day of personal development time and otherwise “Go human.”

“Going spiritual” is just a fancy way of phoning life in, however sublime the Movement jargon.

Phony Due to Inappropriate, Ineffective Self-Healing

Ineffective but so well meant!

Many a super-courageous spiritual seeker has chosen the self-healing mode related to analyzing emotions.

In the midst of life’s everyday challenges, do you find yourself:

  • Trying to give yourself a session of psychotherapy?
  • Hunting down the source of your emotions?
  • Believing that discussing your emotions, therapy style, is THE way to solve problems with other people?
  • Self-consciously working on your issues?

When so much of the action is internal and subjective, guess what it seems like to other folks who are trying to interact with you?

As if you are phoning in that conversation!

Phony. Though You Never Meant to Seem That Way

Their feelings might be hurt. They might think you feel superior to them, or you just don’t care.

Others are free to make up their own stories about why you seem to be phoning it in, often confirming their own worst fears and fantasies.

Ironic, right? When the whole purpose was to improve your social life, not wreck it further. 😉

For heaven’s sake: Surely the time to do therapy-type sessions is with a trained mental health professional. (Honorary self-generated degrees don’t count for this.)

Why not use your 30 min./day personal development for pursuing your own analysis? Just not all day long. Not while interacting with others. If you are old enough to read today’s post, you are far too old for parallel play.

Phony. Due to Time Travel

Telephone talks happen best here and now. Even texting and tweeting do, I suppose. (Although I’m not in a position to tell for certain, having done neither yet.)

Definitely a person seems to be phoning life in when an inner monologue is about future glories or past memories.

Whether technology assisted or just plain beaming yourself elsewhere, this is not a way to grow quickly. It is not a way to evolve, with the exception of one’s dedicated 30 minutes tops of daily woo-woo time.

We humans just aren’t usually are clever as we think that way:

It comes down to consciousness, doesn’t it, folks? When we position awareness in the here and now, authentically being ourselves, that is where we find the greatest power, love, and light.

To put it another way, acting phony (even when not on purpose)? That’s the opposite of personal growth.

Any stories to share about that, Blog-Buddies?

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  1. 1
    AJ says:

    Oh, Rose, “Catcher in the Rye” was also my go to book in high school! It helped me come out of the closet and turned me into quite the bossy pants in life. Of course, I also learned how to use the F- word a hundred different ways too—let’s just say that my parents never really approved of the transformation.

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