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Deeper Perception Made Practical

Vacuum Cleaning, Courtesy of Unskilled Empath Merge. A Guest Post by Zelda

 

Protect Yourself by doing Skilled Empath Merge, not taking on Imported STUFF through unskilled empath merge!

Protect Yourself by doing Skilled Empath Merge, not taking on Imported STUFF through unskilled empath merge!

Empath merges really do happen.  Skilled or unskilled, they happen. Unskilled empath merges happen regularly for any of the 1 in 20 folks born as an empath. Not to alarm you, but unskilled empath merges happen hundreds or thousands of times every day. to every talented empath who has not yet developed skills to really empower your consciousness.

Whenever you are doing unskilled empath merge, someone will be on the receiving end every time. Temporarily, very temporarily — usually just for a couple of hours or days — that other person can feel improvement. The empath has taken on Imported STUFF.

After that short time, the recipient of the unskilled empath merge winds up taking on exactly the same amount and kind of STUFF that was released. While the empath keeps the Imported STUFF indefinitely. Interested in protecting yourself from that?

  • To learn more about unskilled empath merges — and how to stop them happening — I recommend Become The Most Important Person in the Room. You can learn powerful skills from either the ebook or paperback edition.
  • Or take my annual Empath Empowerment Workshop this March 22-23, 2014. You can progress so rapidly as an empath, and have such fun besides!
  • This blog can motivate you to learn, but the skill set is not teachable over the Internet on a blog. At least not the system of Empath Empowerment(R). What can this blog do? Educate and inspire you.

I was so inspired by a recent exchange here, begun when Teresa asked about Imported STUFF resulting from Skilled Empath Merge. (There followed quite some discussion  in the comments section at 10 Types of Stuff Related to Heroin, Pot, Cocaine and Other Drugs )

Blog-Buddy ZELDA added a comment that was just magnificent. It included a great new term she developed, Vacuum Cleaning someone else’s aura, courtesy of an unskilled empath merge. Here comes some ZELDA-flavored wisdom.

The human vacuum cleaner experience with an unskilled empath

Teresa, the experience you describe regarding those “Dear friends” who receive temporary benefits from the human vacuum cleaner experience with an unskilled empath was very common for me before I learned about being an empath and then became skilled.

Besides all the crucial information and skills that one can learn from Rose about being an empath, I think that truly recognizing and valuing one’s wiring as an empath is a crucial part of stopping that pattern of relationship.

I transformed from the codependent, vacuum cleaner approach to friendship with “Dear friends” to getting real clear about my gifts and discerning with whom I wanted to share them. It’s much easier to do that once an empath gets skilled and is able to turn off the empath merges.

It was painful to go through phases of realizing that those people didn’t really like me for who I was. Lots of takers. But now it’s OK. I’m glad they’re gone. :-)

Experiences from any of you former human vacuum cleaners?

Blog-Buddies, can any of you relate to ZELDA’s experience? Any stories of triumph or pathos to share?

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  1. 1
    Zelda says:

    Wow, I wasn’t expecting that, Rose! 🙂

    After I sent off that comment that became a guest post, I realized that I needed to make a correction.

    “It was painful to go through phases of realizing that those people didn’t really like me for who I was.”

    Actually, they did like me just fine for who I *was* back then. Someone who gave more than she got in return. I’ve grown out of that form of “me.”

    It’s much easier and more pleasant to live this way than it is to live as a human vacuum cleaner.

  2. 2

    Thanks again, ZELDA.

    A very good distinction, made on top of a super guest post.

    I’ll bet many of you Blog-Buddies can relate.

  3. 3
    Allison says:

    Zelda, thanks for a great perspective! I’ve only just realized I’m an empath, and I wonder: what do you do when the takers show up expecting more??

    Here is a human vacuum-cleaner story, just for fun (using a loose definition of fun):
    Last fall I hosted a dinner party where the guests were some of my in-laws, plus their in-laws. I get along great with everyone who was at the party, but between them there is resentment and tension. I felt like my head was spinning during the party, and for about a week afterwards I was one big emotional stew of their regrets, reckonings, and resentments. I was probably in empath-hyperdrive, because when I throw a party I want everyone to enjoy themselves. The experience was so miserable that I finally buckled down and read ‘Codependent No More.’ It helped, but not as much as Rose’s books.

  4. 4
    Primmie says:

    Love the term! Ex-Vacuum Cleaner here and very much appreciating being dust free. I’m also an Ex-Dishwasher too. Last week I was waiting outside a meeting room when a man walked out and tried to hand me some dirty cups. He thrust them at me expecting me to take them, as he said “Can you wash these cups”. I didn’t take them, stepped aside and said “No”. Bliss. Life is so much easier not taking on anyone else’s stuff whether it’s mental pain or dirty cups. Without a doubt in the past I would have washed the cups and hoovered up that man’s unfelt shame. As it was I skipped by all of it. Hurrah!

  5. 5
    Teresa says:

    Zelda,

    Thanks for the wonderful guest post!

    Like you, I had several “Dear friends” that were takers. I’m sure they didn’t realize what price I was paying for their friendship. Actually, I didn’t either. I’m not yet a skilled empathy but I have turned my skills off and now they recognize I have changed. Our friendship has fizzled and, at times I feel a bit lonely. However, I no longer have violent mood swings, profound depression and feelings of hopeless confusion.

    Life is good!

  6. 6
    Zelda says:

    ALLISON, to answer “what do you do when the takers show up expecting more??”

    What I have done is say NO to them.

    I’ve completely changed my orientation in relationships. Way back in less empowered days, I would tolerate all kinds of nonsense.

    Then I began to speak up and decided to let the chips fall where they may.

    A colleague I’d befriended started a pattern of complaining about work the moment he saw me. He’d continue even after I told him that on the weekend, no, I didn’t want to hear complaints about work. We had a few exchanges about that. In not so many words, he was telling me what a fine garbage can I was for others to dump their problems. As if that was a compliment!

    We parted ways.

    My experience has been that speaking up in a respectful way is key. A true friend will respond in a way that shows that they value me and our friendship. Takers tend to freak out in one way or another.

    I’m glad my comments were helpful to folks.

  7. 7
    Kylie says:

    Interesting post Zelda, and I love your answer to “what to do when takers show up expecting more.” I agree, learning to speak up for self is the key to handling takers. What has helped me to be able to speak up for myself is a) reading Rose’s book “Become the Most Important Person in the Room” and learning from it how to turn the volume up on my inner experience and b) having many sessions of Rosetree energy spirituality have helped me to change old patterns of behavior. I love your complaining coworker example. Putting up with “all kinds of nonsense” is the perfect description for my pre-empath skill days. I still put up with more nonsense than I should–but the more I practice speaking up, and taking other actions for my happiness, the easier and more automatic it becomes. It is a complete change of orientation.

  8. 8
    Zelda says:

    Glad you enjoyed it, Kylie. More recently, I’ve been getting a kick out of “shallowing up,” as Rose puts it.

    I’m working again with another colleague I haven’t worked with for several months. This guy was a TV news anchor for years and can be quite charming and affectionate. I do believe that he’s sincere.

    It used to really make my head spin when he’d then switch to being totally focussed on himself and not show the slightest interest in me. I’d attempt to have a conversation with him after the class we both worked in and he’d be checking his mail on his phone, not even looking up. Back then, I’d feel hurt and baffled.

    Last week the light bulb went off that led me to wave a friendly good-bye to him at the end of class and just leave. Duh…I enjoy being cordial and professional and getting the job done. And then just dropping the rest of it that used to drive me crazy.

    It’s easier to do that now and it feels like I’m watching a movie when I think back to how bothered I used to get about those interactions that now I just don’t get into.

  9. 9
    Kylie says:

    Hooray for shallowing up!

  10. 10
    David.. says:

    Vacuum is a good analogy, although these days for me it’s not like standing there sucking, its more like the edge nozzle, slup, slup, slup, oops. Just little bits but far more often than i ever realized.

    The big surprise for me was making this conscious and discovering the multiple ways i do it – even with other drivers in traffic and random people at a distance. Also how very foreign “shallowing up” is.

    I’m in the learning camp.

  11. 11
    Kira says:

    I can’t really feel the vacuuming effect myself. But I eventually figured out that my opinions had a tendency to change when around various people. It’s a very subtle effect and still difficult for me to tell when it’s happening (hard to catch myself in the act).

    I caught it happening once when I found myself extremely stressed and throwing a tantrum despite my best intentions–I was with two people with widely differing views of the world, and I was apparently trying to be “in sync” with both at the same time.

    I’m partway through “Become the Most Important Person in the Room” for the 2nd time, and I still have trouble telling if I’m getting any more skilled.

  12. 12
    David.. says:

    Kira – the merge/vacuum effect takes place very quickly. A quick tune-in and read that brings baggage with it.

    But I know what you mean. I sometimes feel less skilled now that I’m more conscious of doing it.

    One analogy I use is it’s like our relationship with food. Only this stuff came online before birth. So there is long ingrained habits that have largely not been conscious.

    hmmm – just realized that in the crystal gift, I’m not online all the time. I do consciously turn that one on and off, mostly off. A good internal example. Must be in the “helping” ones we develop the bad habits around.

  13. 13
    Kira says:

    The subtlety of some of these relatively easily defined gifts makes me really wonder how anyone can tell they’re a molecular empath. I’m not sure I fully understand even what kind of info you get from that one.

  14. 14
    Kira says:

    I do have experiences similar to what Zelda described in comment 8; I used to want to get inside people’s heads and understand what made them tick, but now I’m much more interested in the shallow interaction. (I watch TV and movies and read books to find out what makes people tick.)

    The thing is, I “shallowed up” in that way before I ever heard of Rose’s books. I figured at the time that I had been so desperate to find out what was in other people’s heads because I wanted to understand what was in my own, and because I wanted to know how to make them understand me. I figured that when I started being on a more even keel in my own life, I got more interested in living it instead of fixing it and correspondingly less interested in my friends’ innermost thoughts and feelings or in “fixing” them.

  15. 15
    Kira says:

    Another (probably better) way to put it is that I used to feel lonely even in groups, so I was constantly trying to pick up any clues from others as to how to belong. I currently feel like I belong wherever I am and with whomever I’m with in most situations, so I don’t feel like I have to try; I can just be myself, and it feels natural.

    I think that whole dynamic is making it difficult to remember what it felt like when I was almost certainly actively using whatever gifts I have to get as much information as I could.

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