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Ex-Atheist. A Guest Post

PRIMMIE's portrait as an ex-atheist, moving forward differently now on her path to Enlightenment

PRIMMIE’s portrait as an ex-atheist, from spiritual awakening towards Enlightenment

Ex-Atheist. In this Guest Post, PRIMMIE describes how a spiritual awakening knocked her right out of atheism.

Years later, she moved into Enlightenment. As documented by a guest post she wrote three years later. (Just check out the contrast between her photos. Startling and inspiring!)

What about RES? PRIMMIE had a session with me years ago, when I taught RES skills in London. At the College of Psychic Studies. And, by the time of this article, she had been commenting actively at this blog for years. Starting in 2010.

Here follows PRIMMIE’s beautiful guest post about the impact of an experience of spiritual awakening. 

 

Childhood Reluctance to “Study” God As “Someone Important”

My official journey with Atheism began when I was 12.

I was brought up in England, as a Catholic. Mostly that meant that I learned things about God much as I learned things in school about Geography and History.

God was far away. And He was important. Like the Kings and the Wars.

When I was 12 my father told me he didn’t believe in God. From then on, neither did I.

It suited me at 12 to think the way my father thought. He seemed much more God-like than any deity my teachers at school taught me about.

As I grew older I found I could not believe anything that conventional religion suggested. I felt totally disconnected from anything to do with God.

When Some Form of Higher Power Became Required

In my 20’s my addictive behavior became unmanageable so I entered therapy and joined Recovery through a 12-Step Program. For those who don’t know much about Recovery, it is a spiritual program which teaches that addiction is spiritual bankruptcy.

In order to recover from addiction it is believed that people need to embrace the idea of a Higher Power.

I wasn’t a natural at that!

I never could create a God of my own understanding, which is what is suggested in Recovery.

I reasoned that if I could imagine a God into being, that God would simply be fantasy and, therefore, meaningless.

However, I  did  begin to really trust myself thanks to therapy. I began to trust my unconscious. I became an atheist who prayed and I prayed to the unknown inside of myself.

That worked and I was able to change my addictive behavior. I now realize, in doing that…  I was doing all the preparation I needed to discover the Divine. But I had no understanding of that, not while I did it.

Believing in the Power and Wisdom of My Unconscious Mind

That was my thinking for many years, and I was quite happy with that.

In fact I loved being an atheist despite being involved in a spiritual process.

Yes, I positively delighted in it.

Uh-oh

Last week sometime between Tuesday and Thursday 4th-6th of March, 2014, I realized I was still and happy.

And that I am, in fact, God.

And that the silence in me is God and I am the silence.

Saying “I am God” sounds extraordinarily odd to a confirmed atheist. But, for me, it is true.

Then I thought about the word “Atheist.”

“Atheist” has sounded so sweet to me.

“Atheist” was tied up with all sorts of important things I have admired, such as rebellion and intellectual rigor.

“Atheist” also meant deep loyalty to my precious father,.

I realized that my experience had changed. Now the word “Atheist” meant nothing to me anymore.

Now, for me, “Atheist” is just a term, an idea.

I now know who I am — just like everyone else — what everything is — God.

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  1. 1
    A.J. says:

    Beliefs can influence a person both positively and negatively. Atheism can promote self-responsibility for one’s life and the desire to leave a good impression or a life of selfishness. Congratulations on your journey Primmie, your point of view is interesting. 🙂

  2. 2
    David.. says:

    Beautiful, Primmie. And it’s such a natural thing that really has nothing to do with belief. It is gnostic, direct knowing. And that washes all belief away.

    On one hand, we can say belief doesn’t matter, only an openness to what is here. On the other hand, belief can be a barrier to that openness. The openness is the more important part.

  3. 3
    Amanda says:

    Primmie,

    Thank you!

    I found this wonderful to read and as ever with you, so clearly and honestly explained – especially your description of the direct cut-through of your realisation.

    You don’t need my love or respect but you got it anyway 🙂

    Amanda

  4. 4
    Suz says:

    Very courageous, Primmie.

    It all eventually comes down to “I AM,” doesn’t it.

  5. 5
    Primmie says:

    A.J. I wasn’t an Atheist in order to be responsible or otherwise, it was just what was most true for me at the time. It wasn’t a philosophy. It was more like saying “I’m not a Christian/Muslim/Pagan”. Kind of defining myself by saying what I was not.

  6. 6
    Primmie says:

    David, thank you. I have that experience and it really funny having it despite quite entrenched belief. It makes me think how in the past it was perfectly possible to live one’s whole life utterly convinced that the world was flat, while the world quite happily wasn’t.

  7. 7
    Primmie says:

    Amanda, thank you! You have mine too.

  8. 8
    Jill Erin says:

    Oh Primmie, I am so happy for you. I actually have come to believe that coming from a place of atheism is vastly easier to reach enlightenment than from almost any other path, these days. In my own experience and journey to enlightenment it was more a process of beliefs falling away , one by one.

    I love how you express yourself here, too. You make it all so relatable. Thank you so much for sharing this!

  9. 9
    David.. says:

    re: Comment 5 – I know what you mean. In my teens I may have identified with Agnotic for similar reasons. Not this but not sure what instead.

  10. 10
    Isabella says:

    Primmie, it’s been especially interesting to watch you change. Thanks for sharing.

  11. 11
    Isabella says:

    People are really changing at a rapid pace.

    It’s good advice to not count on people changing in the ways you want them to change, or count on them changing at all. Or count on them *not* changing, depending on who the person is. 😉 I guess just don’t bother with worrying about what’s going on with other people!! 😉

    But some people who I would have counted out, I am seeing change in deep ways. *Wow* ways. I have a friend – I read his aura six months or a year ago and then today – and wow.

    He was someone who’s aura said loud and clear to me, “Depressed and not interested in changing.” So, okay. You accept him for he is and know there are certain limits to the relationship.

    But now he’s really changing, in a big way.

    It’s not that our relationship is going to change – but I’m so grateful and moved to see a friend coming back to Earth (he’s someone I’ve known through lifetimes, ancient, amazing soul).

    It makes me feel safer and like maybe this really will feel like home some day, if all my friends are here, fully.

  12. 12
    Isabella says:

    In other words, seeing awakening is amazing.

  13. 13

    Even for your usual high standard, ISABELLA, I found your Comment #11 to be exceptionally eloquent and heartfelt.

    Thank you.

  14. 14
    Kylie says:

    Love this post Primmie–thanks for sharing. Having identified as everything from Catholic, to agnostic, to atheist, to Buddhist, to animist to very spiritual and not religious, I can relate to this post. I stopped going to church when I was 12 because my father didn’t believe in God. I wanted to be like my dad!

    Isabella, your comment made me happy. Hurray to unexpected good changes!

  15. 15
    Primmie says:

    Suz, I think it does!

  16. 16
    Primmie says:

    Jill Erin, I really like it when beliefs fall away. It is great to feel things change. I think having my twins and the recent concerns I’ve had for my son have opened my heart more deeply than ever before.

  17. 17
    Primmie says:

    Isabella, thank you!

  18. 18
    Primmie says:

    Kylie, it’s nice to know you relate. I have often felt quite alone as an Atheist, although in my stubborn way I’ve quite liked that too.

  19. 19
    Jill Erin says:

    Primmie,
    I have a nephew who is autistic and he is the sweetest young man I know. He seems to bring out the best in everyone around him. That is his “special” gift. Just one example – he was bullied by a kid in High School and the rest of the student body pulled together to defend him and protect him.
    Give your babies a big hug and kisses for me. I hold you all in my heart.

  20. 20
    Primmie says:

    Thank you Jill, that’s lovely of you.

  21. 21

    Yes, wonderful comments from you JILL!

  22. 22
    Zofia says:

    Wow, this is a brilliant post and a brilliant series of comments. Just perfect.

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