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Integrity Aura Reading of Academy Award Winner Jared Leto

Jared LetoJared Leto. Photo by nicolas genin from Paris, France (66ème Festival de Venise (Mostra)) [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

This photo comes courtesy of Wikimedia Commons. In no way is it implied that the photographer or the subject endorses either me or this use of the image.

 

Jared Leto’s performance as a transgender woman in Dallas Buyers Club won him the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor in 2014. A powerhouse of creativity, the young actor is also is lead vocalist and main songwriter for Thirty Seconds to Mars, playing multiple instruments in addition to singing.

Jared Leto’s band has sold over 10 million albums worldwide.

Would you also expect him to be a pretty complicated man? I would. Between the high level of creativity, the struggles of his childhood (including a father who committed suicide when Jared was eight) and, far as I can tell, Leto’s living far out-out-out-outside any LGBTQ closet.

Aha! I thought. Jared Leto would be just the one to research as my final Academy Award-related aura reading of 2014.

So, Blog-Buddies, I will research him in character as himself and also as Rayon in “Dallas Buyers Club,” awarding Chakra Databank Change Points as appropriate. (For more on this type of aura reading research see Rose Rosetree’s Aura Reading Movie Reviews for Oscar Nominees… and a Contest .)

Even within the unusual realm of Aura Reading Movie Reviews, today I am going to give you something unique in this energetic literacy research.

Lately we have had many articles and comments here about Deception Detection, spotting liars, and all-around checking out a person’s integrity.

So this aura reading will emphasize chakra databanks related to integrity. Official name: Integrity Aura Reading.

The largest number of integrity-related databanks I have ever researched at “Deeper Perception Made Practical.” Historians in Mind-Body-Spirit, take note.

  • Interested in protecting yourself by accurately spotting liars?
  • Curious about famous actors in general and Academy Award winners in particular?
  • Wondering about the aura of a man who would successfully play a transgendered woman?

Just keep reading! Photo links are at the end of this post. Let’s get to the fun.

In Dallas Buyer’s Club, Jared Leto plays Rayon, a transgender woman who forms an unlikely friendship with a homophobic straight man.

Aura Reading Databank at the Root Chakra for Presence in the Room

This chakra databank is a shorthand version of a person, akin to the image you might have for yourself on Facebook. Why important for an Integrity Aura Reading? Because of possible contrast with the rest of a person’s chakra databanks. Outside of extraordinary acting and a few other unusual situations, chakra databanks never lie.

Aura Reading of Jared Leto, Playing Himself

5 inches. Already way too thin — and this is BEFORE his nearly 40-pound weight loss undertaken for “Dallas Buyer’s Club.” The man is barely present in his life, experiencing something more akin to an Out-of-Body Experience.

A wisp of a man really, he moves in and out of having consciousness localized in his body. Extremely detached from his human identity and personality, in the moment of this photograph, Jared is posing, playing the role of being a sensitive actor who is being photographed.

Oboy, Blog-Buddies, what a way to begin! Really, unless you read somebody’s aura all the way down to the level of chakra databanks, how would you ever be able to notice something like this? As humans we are wired to notice expressions, body language, hear a person’s voice, watch what a person does in objective reality.

Nothing from this level will inform us about a person’s energies. While Stage One Energetic Literacy provides a hunch, a glimpse, a sweet preview of what we would learn from true energetic literacy. And Stage Two Energetic Literacy, though more reliable, can be very limited in the range of information discerned. Good thing that anyone — and I mean any normal person who is capable of reading this screen — could definitely learn full Stage Three Energetic Literacy.

Aura Reading of Rayon in “Dallas Buyers Club”

18 feet. Bitter, strong, female.

The intense reality of presence is way more human than Jared Leto’s usual “Could be anything” self.

What a relief to meet this strong human personality, even if it is utterly fabricated.

Chakra Databank Change Points: 1

For Jared Leto, acting is such a stabilizing way to move his energies. There is probably no other therapy that helps him to feel balanced. He doesn’t carry this identity inside him. He creates this identity, and doing this gives him something relatively interesting to commit to as a human being, living day by day, making the movie.

Aura Reading Databank at the Root Chakra for Presence PROJECTED in the Room

Not everyone has this chakra databank. Actors do. Salespeople, politicians, models, players, psychopaths, and others have this one. Everybody possesses certain chakra databanks that are specific to your lifestyle, your use of free will, the significant others in your life right now. If you don’t need a Root Chakra Databank for pretending to be someone other than who you are, congratulate yourself on having an easier life, Blog-Buddies!

Aura Reading of Jared Leto, Playing Himself

Fills the room plus 20 miles. “I am a beautiful, sexy woman, lush and absolutely gorgeous. A showstopper.”

Ok. A very strong thought form can be projected by anyone. This one is definitely a blonde.

Maybe sometime you have seen a celebrity magazine at the supermarket checkout line. There is a paparazzi photo of a beloved celebrity like Cameron Diaz, only she looks terrible. The impact of such photos is to make us think that lack of makeup accounts for the difference.

I don’t think so. Blog-Buddies, you or I could have unflattering photographs. Sadly, the odds are we have. But we still looked like ourselves.

The stark contrast in those celebrity photographs is that when we see Cameron Diaz in a movie or on a talk show, we aren’t just seeing a woman with mega-professional quality makeup. She is projecting “Cameron Diaz, the Star.” That is what we recognize. Even with Stage One Energetic Literacy, we recognize that, because it is projected so powerfully.

Aura Reading of Rayon in “Dallas Buyers Club”

Fills the room plus five inches. Dominates the interactions with others. Takes her usual personality and amps it up to seem invulnerable, invincible.

This is a very natural shift that this character might make, so the performance is convincing and makes the character more sympathetic.

BTW, have I mentioned that I have not seen “Dallas Buyers Club”? So true. The only one of the Oscar-nominated movies I have seen from the whole nominated batch was “Gravity.” Loved the special effects, glimpsing moments of being in outer space, especially enjoying the very rare moments when that was possible watching the suspenseful thriller about survival. I watched “Gravity” for its lighter moments. How funny is that?

Chakra Databank Change Points: 1

A gorgeous job, with an intelligent artistic choice beautifully rendered.

Aura Reading Databank at the Throat Chakra for Verbal Integrity

Telling the truth. Or not. There are so many variations.

“Deception Detection” is a much better name for the field than “Spotting Liars.” When you use the system of Aura Reading Through All Your Senses(R) there are so many more lie detector tests than simply focusing on verbal prevarication.

Aura Reading of Jared Leto, Playing Himself

2 inches. Hardly anyone home, inside of this man at the time of this photograph. I suspect drugs have been involved here. Certainly the quality of the chakra databank broadcasts a feeble message, as though a breath of air could blow the human part of this man away.

What there is of Jared Leto at this chakra databank proclaims, “I can be anything you want me to be.”

To this aura reading, the impact is not pleasing but terribly sad, verging on chilling that a man could be used to such an experience of being a man.

Aura Reading of Rayon in “Dallas Buyers Club”

18 feet. Speaking truth to power, with beautiful integrity and conviction. Awe inspiring auric modeling!

Chakra Databank Change Points: 1

Inspiring performance, and a total change from Jared Leto’s personal experience.

Aura Reading Databank at the Solar Plexus Chakra for Power Integrity

Blog-Buddies, this is one of my favorite chakra databanks for an Integrity Aura Reading. What does the person actually do? Is there follow-through on commitments? Are things done that were purposely not mentioned? (This might not show up the least in the Throat Chakra Databank for Verbal Integrity.) The lies lived can be the worst, though. Have you noticed?

Aura Reading of Jared Leto, Playing Himself

18 feet. “If good sex is involved, I’ll do anything.”

Aura Reading of Rayon in “Dallas Buyers Club”

40 feet. Warrior-like courage.

Chakra Databank Change Points: 1

This portrayal is inspiring, moving, convincing, compelling.

Aura Reading Databank at the Third Eye Chakra for Spiritual Integrity

Blog-Buddies, what inspires you to live with integrity? The sum total of that, at any given time in your life, is read in this chakra databank.

Aura Reading of Jared Leto, Playing Himself

4 inches. There is a pretty strong identification with living in an astral realm while inhabiting his physical body. You can read more about that in the conclusion to today’s Integrity Aura Reading.

Aura Reading of Rayon in “Dallas Buyers Club”

3 inches. Disillusionment has shaped this character’s spiritual life. Once she did believe in God and tried to be a good person. But for her, it is as though the God Company has gone bankrupt.

Because her experience of the Divine has gone missing-in-action, Rayon has only a hollow memory of caring about whether she is good or does good, according to any non-human spiritual power.

Chakra Databank Change Points: 1

Another poignant artistic choice, powerfully actualized.

Aura Reading Databank at the Belly Chakra for Sexual Integrity

Usually sexual fidelity is an important reason for reading this chakra databank. There could also be many nuances around gender identity. I have not specialized in this aspect of aura reading and will cheerfully leave that to others. This aura reader doesn’t have to specialize in everything!

Aura Reading of Jared Leto, Playing Himself

1/2 inch. Jared Leto has suffered so much around sex and sexual identity. It’s as though he has been smashed Humpty Dumpty-style and somehow put himself back together again. More than once.

At the time of this photo, the databank is numb, frozen with pain. Practical interpretation: Sexual integrity has become an area of “Who cares?”

Aura Reading of Rayon in “Dallas Buyers Club”

27 feet. Fiercely loyal, she will fight for the one she loves. The sexual integrity is beautiful. It has much more of a sacred quality than Rayon’s spiritual integrity, actually.

Chakra Databank Change Points: 1

So unlike Jared Leto, how Rayon’s sexual integrity displays in this chakra databank. It is an extraordinary, highly believable, moving kind of performance. The character of Rayon is rough as saw blades, yet so likeable.

Aura Reading Databank at the Root Chakra for Financial Integrity

The mega-famous actor and musician doesn’t have to worry about money, I suspect. But for those of us who do need to watch our finances, this chakra databank is a really important one to read before falling in love, marrying, or otherwise mingling your assets with somebody else.

Aura Reading of Jared Leto, Playing Himself

1/8 inch. This chakra databank is in shutdown at the time of this photograph. Jared Leto doesn’t care about money.

Hey, that’s an understatement. Money is equated with materialism, for this actor. He doesn’t like it. He doesn’t want to be involved.

It will be interesting to observe what happens to Jared Leto’s finances over time. With this auric modeling he may not hire the best financial advisors. I hope some good karma fairy godmother, in human form, watches over Jared’s financial prospects. And the rest of his prospects as well. He is such a sweet man.

Aura Reading of Rayon in “Dallas Buyers Club”

80 feet. Quietly prudent about money and careful to be impeccable with it, even  the drive to make financial choices that are socially responsible.

Chakra Databank Change Points: 1

As with all the chakra databanks in this carefully constructed role, this is a fully actualized, very human portrayal. It is the exact opposite of the one-note, pretendy-type acting that I discovered in the Aura Reading Movie Review of another Oscar winning performance this year.

To this aura reader, Lupita Nyong’o didn’t deserve to win. But Jared Leto? Definitely.

Conclusion

Chakra Databank Change Points: 7 out of 7

Jared Leto is one superb actor.

As a person, his chakra databanks (according to my findings ) are more troubling. Blog-Buddies, if you search at this blog for articles on substance use, you can read more about how substances can cause people to lose their identification with human life and instead relate more to an astral level within this life.

Am I claiming that Jared Leto has a substance addiction at the time of the photograph used in today’s Integrity Aura Reading? No. Whatever has caused this shift in his consciousness could have happened years ago, or be biochemical in nature, or be fairly temporary and caused by other factors about which I am totally ignorant.

Bottom line, though, is a pretty consistent lack of personality integrity across the board.

Does this make sense? Wholeness and sincerity for a human being require feeling invested in that human identity.

At the time of this photograph, Jared Leto doesn’t really have that going for him.

Yet that doesn’t prevent Leto from being a superb actor. Such a whatever-ey, energetically volatile, transient way of being in life could certainly be advantageous for his creative life. Nothing gets in the way of his imagination, no limits, no inhibitions.

What is an Integrity Aura Reading? One more way to use energetic literacy to learn things about people that are really important to know.

Incidentally, one of my how-to books can teach you how to research 50 different such categories, Read People Deeper.

Photo links for you aura readers

Once you develop complete Stage Three Energetic Literacy, you can easily read chakra databanks. With just a bit more study, you can read them from photos and movies just as easily as from someone in person.

That’s why I enjoy remind you’all that, when have developed this basic form of literacy, every photo is an aura photo.

For a more time-sensitive reminder, my once-a-year Workshop on How to Read Auras will be this May 16-17. Come if you can. It is going to be so much fun. And please don’t think this is going to be like a clairvoyance workshop, emphasizing “See the Colours.” You will learn the system of Aura Reading Through All Your Senses(R), helping your gifts to be used through a variety of techniques, a program designed to help you succeed at claiming your birthright of energetic literacy.

If you’re curious to research the aura of a man evolving under the pressures of fame, the photo of Jared Leto at the top of today’s article can be opened up bigger and clearer. Just click here, onto this Jared Leto Aura Photo Link.

This adorable photograph of Jared Leto comes from September 2009, when the man was merely famous and successful, not world-famous and crazy-successful.

Those of you Blog-Buddies who are aura readers might wish to create a guest post where you research the same chakra databanks I will be using here in today’s article, only you might compare Jared Leto back in the day to his aura in a more recent picture. Or even when he was making his acceptance speech at the Oscars.

For comparison photos in this article, I found a pair of pictures of Jared Leto before and after his nearly 40-pound weight loss for the role, with his second photo in the movie role.

What is it with making actors literally add or shed physical pounds? Can’t we let performance and make up and the rest of the illusions be enough? Grrrrrrrrrr. It is called “Acting,” right?

Anyway, to see this pair of images, click onto this Jared Leto Aura Reading Movie Review link.

A smaller file, more stable, is at this mini Jared Leto Aura Photos link.

 

 

 

 

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  1. 1

    Photo credit for the picture of Jared Leto at the top of today’s post goes to nicolas genin from Paris, France (66ème Festival de Venise (Mostra)) [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

    This photo comes courtesy of Wikimedia Commons. In no way is it implied that the photographer or the subject endorses either me or this use of the image.

  2. 2
    Jean says:

    Thank you Rose – Hooray for “Integrity Aura Reading!”

    I find all of this to be quite helpful as I continue to carefully navigate the waters of my local creative community…

    Am moved to copy below a bit of your practical eloquence.

    “Wholeness and sincerity for a human being require feeling invested in that human identity.”

  3. 3

    Thank you, JEAN. And how delightful to hear from you!

    Is there anything you can share as a professional musician about the pressures of performing and how, as a skilled empath, you’re handling them?

  4. 4
    Jean says:

    Well Rose….for myself one key in handling the pressures of performing is by staying strong with my empath skills – while at the same time allowing myself to be the delightfully sloppy human being that I am.

    A real sign of personal evolution for me is that I can now honestly view my own very human sloppiness as ‘delightful’… (usually 🙂

    Please note that In addition to empath skills I successfully utilize lots of other RES techniques to handle performance pressure (and life in general) – spiritual cleansing and protection and aura reading to name a few.

    I do my best to keep within 20 minutes of technique time a day – then stay in my ‘human shoes’ and go at it as a human bein’ – in good old objective reality… thusly keeping my boat from drifting towards the waters of spiritual addiction.

    Onto a lighter topic have recently been getting lots of objective laughs from Maru the Cat – I just love watching Maru (and Hana) get into (and out of) boxes.

    Now there in Maru we have a truly great performer – as well as a natural ham…

  5. 5
    Curious As Ever says:

    Fascinating as ever, thank you so much, Rose.

  6. 6

    Thanks so much, CURIOUS AS EVER and INTREPID JEAN.

  7. 7
    Dana says:

    This article so powerfully showed how huge the effects of drug use can be (well, I’m assuming drug use…) How sad that Leto has so much worldly success (well-earned) but doesn’t really inhabit it.

    Also, it’s interesting to me how actors can portray characters with more power, integrity, etc. than themselves and then go back to being themselves with less of it. I had assumed that if they could create that character, they could also live those elements… but clearly I’m not an actor:)

  8. 8
    Isabella says:

    Thanks for this reading Rose. I always get excited and savor your aura readings. I actually took a little break and slowed down so reading it would last longer. 🙂

  9. 9
    Kylie says:

    Very interesting, Rose, though sad to read. I’ve been a fan of Jared Leto’s ever since his acting in “My So Called Life.” What amazing sweetness/sensitivity he showed in that show. His character had a very pothead-like astral-y quality in that show. When asked a question, he would seem as if he was coming back from miles away to answer it.

  10. 10
    Renee says:

    Thanks Rose, Really fascinating. I found it really interesting about how celebrities and others project their presence into a room. I remember seeing J Lo on Dancing with the Stars just on as Leah Remini’s friend. Her presence seemed so much smaller and non “star like”. It really struck me how just normal she looked vs her presence when she is “on”.

  11. 11
    David.. says:

    Thanks, Rose.
    A question. For “Presence PROJECTED in the Room” you mention not everyone has this databank.

    Unskilled empaths often have a habit of trying to be invisible. Would this relate to not having the databank or suppressing this one? Or it depends?

  12. 12
    Opal says:

    “Presence PROJECTED in the Room” Chakra: Do all actors have this? I mean, do you get this chakra if it’s simply a skill you use professionally (on set) or do you get this chakra when this is a habitual way of being as a person? I’m guessing the latter. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that enlightened people probably don’t have this chakra. It seems unnatural to say the least.

  13. 13
    Opal says:

    DANA – “Also, it’s interesting to me how actors can portray characters with more power, integrity, etc. than themselves and then go back to being themselves with less of it.”

    This exactly. You would think that getting a taste (even subconsciously, even temporarily) of a deeper, wholer kind of existence would be enough to inspire a person to change. But it is really fascinating that people can imagine themselves into ways of being that are more evolved than their own. I remember watching an old interview with Leonardo Dicaprio when he was fresh off of Titanic. He said that the hardest part about playing Jack Dawson was that Jack was pretty wise going on to say that it is tough to play someone who’s more “clear” than you are.

  14. 14

    Such thought-provoking comments, everyone. 🙂

    Regarding Comments 11 and 12, I’ll include related information in my next post. Clearly it’s time for me to do one of those educational-type posts, bridging the divide between what has become “obvious” to me, given my line of work, and what needs to be communicated if you don’t spend most days of your life reading chakra databanks for clients or writing. LOL

  15. 15
    Primmie says:

    Wonderful thought provoking reading, thank you Rose. Going out on a limb I’d say Presence Projected might be something that falls into disuse as you grow. Speaking as someone who can be very charming/was very charming and now isn’t very often. Charm feels very hollow after a while and anything you “win” via it, feels unreal. I think if you’re treading the path of “To thine own self be true” being a very beguiling person just isn’t as fulfilling as being authentic. Hard to give up though as mostly it works. Unless you meet an Aura reader of course 🙂

  16. 16
    Opal says:

    Looking forward to it, Rose!

    Just came back with another angle to consider:

    I’ve always wondered why certain actresses are labeled “plain” or “average” while others (the movie stars) have their beauty hyped to high heaven even though, if you were to compare feature to feature, they are all similarly conventionally beautiful. I’ve always just assumed it was the media marketing push burgeoning stars get from those magazine “Hot Lists”. Thought projections, huh? Something else to add to the beauty myth.

  17. 17
    Dana says:

    OPAL – That was an interesting anecdote from Leo! I love hearing stories like that from actors, since that info doesn’t often come out. I heard an awful one once though about how Heath Ledger was affected in a disturbing/psychological way playing the Joker in The Dark Knight.

  18. 18
    Isabella says:

    Primmie, some people are just authentically charming! Charm can be really sweet, pure, and natural. Doesn’t have to be manipulative. And it can make others feel better.

    Though things like charm, charisma, and sex appeal are often thought to only benefit the person projecting them… how could that be so? The reason people are able to manipulate with these qualities is that other people like being around them, ’cause it feels good.

  19. 19
    Primmie says:

    Isabella, I wouldn’t want to suggest that anyone give up their natural sweet charisma. I live with a double dose of toddler delightfulness as a mother and it makes me very happy. It’s the active use of charm as a way of manipulating others that I’m not a fan of. It would be much like being an empath and using one’s knowledge to influence others. Which I wasn’t above when I was younger.

  20. 20
    Opal says:

    ISABELLA – It’s true. Charm can be a kind of emotional giving. I recently read the aura of a movie star (a nice enough girl) whose major form of emotional giving at this time, beyond being polite, is dazzling people. For what it’s worth, she’s grateful for the attention she receives.

  21. 21
    David.. says:

    Another layer to it is presence or darshan. I’ve met a few people who quietly completely dominated the space they were in. One you could feel him outside the building.

    (Thats how I could relate to “fills the room” or “out to the moon” in Rose’s terms.)

  22. 22
    Opal says:

    PRIMMIE – Charm works really, really well, yes. Having aura read some romantic relationships it occurred to me that someone can earn a great deal of love and adoration from others just by being charming/entertaining. Even if they aren’t particularly nice. Even if it’s their ONLY form of giving. Their lovers tend to project the rest on to them.

  23. 23

    RENEE, your Comment 10 above is quite the standout.

    Many of you other Blog-Buddies added comments at this thread that are just wonderful. I wound up moving-copying many to “What Is Auric Modeling?”

    Have a look and ask your questions about this tricky and tender topic.

  24. 24
    An Avid Reader says:

    Hi Primmie,

    I really, really appreciated your comments about charm and how charm is different from being authentic. I have had many extremely charming people in my life and while charming can really grab you and lure you in, it can sure leave you empty and disillusioned once you figure out what is real and what is not.

    I appreciate your insider understanding about charm and also that you are able to explain things about it I couldn’t put my finger on and and that you know why it is something you chose to leave behind.

    I also want to agree with you that charm does work–in the short term, or in more superficial relationships. It also seems to be like a drug for everyone involved. There is a contact high and then eventually the house of illusion that charm built comes crashing down.

  25. 25
    Allison says:

    “Pretend-ey acting” is my new favorite phrase!
    I remember a rant Jared Leto wrote several years ago, about how he had turned away from acting and all the money that goes with it, to do music instead. That seems to jive with the ‘don’t care much’ attitude towards money. From what I’ve heard, it’s notoriously difficult to make money in the music industry.

  26. 26
    Primmie says:

    An Avid Reader, oh you are most welcome! It’s been hard won knowledge for me. Charm absolutely was an addiction for me and recovering from that aspect of addiction was complex. It’s a very subtle thing and possibly most people wouldn’t notice when I switched it on or off but they’d notice the feel good high, which I shared too. I mixed unskilled empath merges into that charm so it was quite a heady unhealthy mergy exciting intoxicating mess really. Very different from simply beaming out one’s beautiful natural self.

  27. 27
    An Avid Reader says:

    Hi Primmie,

    I want to thank you again for your comments about charm. Thank you for helping me to connect the dots and to become more conscious about a relationship “theme” in my life and the trapping of how it works and what it is.

    Until I read your comment and reflected about it, I did not even know how pervasive an issue this has been in my life.

    So, thank you so much once again for sparking an awareness or consciousness within me that has already been incredibly healing for me.

  28. 28
    An Avid Reader says:

    I am still thinking about charm since I have newly gained some conscious awareness about the topic with much thanks to Primmie.

    I have actually re-thought my previous statement that “charm works in the short term or in superficial relationships” and I would like to amend it. In many cases, I have seen charm work long term. Not all people in society are interested in self awareness or are aware enough in general to detect that something might be amiss in interactions with charming people.

    Also, one of the wonderful things about interacting with charming people is that they know how to make you feel really important or special and, well, who doesn’t like that! The down side, of course, is that charm can be used as a very effective tool for manipulation (either consciously or unconsciously).

    I am by no way implying that all charming people engage in unethical behavior: Regardless of intent, charm does have an incredibly seductive quality to it…

  29. 29
    An Avid Reader says:

    Hi Primmie,

    It must of been hard won knowledge, Primmie! Because charm is so powerful. I have a very charming mother! So, I know. And yet, there is something so subtle about it. It can be dismissed as popularity or people skills, but there is really something else going on.

    I also think my mother has a charm/empath merge situation going on! (Thank you again, for that awareness!) And it does pack a punch! And I can see why you would call it a mess 🙂 I am so glad that you have recovered!

    I have been engaged in all kinds of personal healing work and yet your comments somehow really helped me become conscious of this issue and why I may have repeatedly made some unwise choices in relationships.

    I can see now that someone I know–I actually think she is a good person–heavily relies on charm because she lacks appropriate assertiveness skills. Not so easy for me to see that prior to my recent charm epiphany! 🙂

  30. 30
    Opal says:

    Have any of you seen the movie The Deep Blue Sea? It’s all about a woman in the 50’s who leaves her husband for a charming narcissistic lover. Her husband, honestly curious, asks her if he loves her, treats her right, etc. Her reaction implies no. Husband: Well, then, what does he give you? Wife: Himself… He gives me himself.

    Her lover really treats her horribly, but has an addictively charming (and sexy) personality. Contact high, indeed.

  31. 31
    an avid reader says:

    Hi Opal,

    I haven”t seen the movie but I can understand why character would make that choice (having umwittingly made similar choices in tbe past).

  32. 32
    Zelda says:

    This conversation about charm reminds me of a situation with a colleague. This gentleman can be very charming and really has used his charm quite well in his career. For 30 years, he worked as a TV news anchor and reporter in a large city market and worked nationally, too. A big part of that job was being liked by the viewers.

    I remember going through phases of getting to know him as we worked together. For a while, I thought there was more sincerity to the charm and would be a bit baffled. I’d see it turned on and turned off so quickly that I’d get confused.

    I was amazed to learn that his boss would track how many people would switch channels just after the beginning of a broadcast. If it was after something like 4 seconds, my colleague would hear about it!

    Then it became clear to me how important charm was for him. I let go of my confusion and frustration that came from my expectations that there was more to the charm than there was.

    Interestingly, now, having grown and changed myself, I very much appreciate his charm. Fortunately, he doesn’t have malicious intentions. He’s just not the deepest friend I’ve ever had. But I am actually quite fond of his charm. It does tend to make life sweeter.

  33. 33
    Primmie says:

    An Avid Reader, have you read Rose’s reading of Leonardo di Caprio? I think it absolutely brilliantly captures what happens when a person has incredible charm and that means no one really ever sees the true them. I love that reading so much and I felt such empathy for Leonardo because how can you truly be known for yourself if everyone is dazzled by you when you’re not even especially trying to dazzle?

    There’s a bit of it here:

    “Sure, I’m grateful for all the love. I really don’t need adoration or hero worship. Even the regular love, it can’t touch me. Because it is for who I pretend to be. So very few people have even a glimmer about who I really am, not what I do or how I can shape-shift into seeming what that other person wants me to be. I won’t stop doing those things. Who, among all the people who cares about me, really cares about me?”

    That’s the loneliness of charm described perfectly I think. Charm used that way is a disguise so how can there be any intimacy at all if people merely fall for the disguise? And also, it’s hard to give up that disguise because it gives you such incredible tools for navigating the social world. I only gave it up because I wanted real connection so badly.

  34. 34
    Opal says:

    PRIMMIE – Not to be harsh, but it is kind of Leo’s fault (not just Leo but others like him as it relates to this conversation). If you are unwilling to be authentic and put down your front, how are you supposed to open yourself up to true intimacy? Are people just supposed to read your mind? It’s immature.

  35. 35
    an avid reader says:

    Hi Primmie,

    Thank you for pointing out the Leonardo reading Rose did and for including an excerpt in your comment. I will go back and read it again the entire reading Rose did again. From the part you excerpted, it certainly does sound pretty lonely.

  36. 36
    Julie says:

    I’m enjoying this discussion about charm. It’s something I’ve been thinking about lately, as I find I have more than the usual amount of it. I’ve been wondering what the danger zone of charm is, and where it stops being the lovely quality it otherwise can be.

    It can be a light and fun way to interact with people that doesn’t go very deep or be very serious. And I’m otherwise a really serious person (understatement!) so it helps me lighten up a bit. But that’s also the limitation of it, is that it doesn’t go very deep.

  37. 37
    Julie says:

    I could understand the temptation to use charm compulsively and avoid really giving a person anything of substance. I think some people with intimacy problems do just that; give a small slice of themselves through charm or otherwise but don’t connect with anyone deeper than that.

    I could see how the charmer might wonder “Does anyone really know me? Or does anyone really know the real me?” It could become a bit of a game of hide and seek, similar to the dynamic Leonardo DiCaprio had at the heart chakra in Rose’s recent reading of him.

  38. 38
    Julie says:

    The other way I could see charm becoming a problem is if a person distorts their communication to be charming. Like, if they are no longer speaking from inner truth, but are speaking to gain popularity.

    I think there’s something subtle that happens there… when the motivation changes from honesty to popularity. I remind myself that those are very different motivations for speaking.

    Over time, it could also lead to a change in facial characteristics like a mouth pull to one side or a crooked smile.

  39. 39
    Julie says:

    So, when is it ok for me to be charming? Laughter…I think when it naturally arises, when it is just something that bubbles up, that wants to be said in the moment. When it is something that I do believe, I do mean, I do think. It’s not fabricated or false in any way. It just adds a light touch to the moment, maybe makes someone laugh or feel better in some way.

  40. 40
    Julie says:

    It’s important that the charm be connected to myself, if that makes sense. There can’t be a disconnect. It can’t be that the words are separate from the rest of myself, and from the truth of the rest of myself. They have to be part of that overall expression, unified.

    Kind of like the discussion of integrity, in fact, exactly like that! The verbal words being not separate from a person’s deeper truth. I think of Rose’s reading of Lance Armstrong and his words, verbally, cycling away with no connection to truth or integrity. That’s the kind of disconnect I would want to avoid.

  41. 41
    Julie says:

    There’s also a character from TV who comes to mind. The actor Matt LeBlanc played the character of Joey on Friends. I loved the show but felt like in the later episodes the character had become a caricature of charm at its worst. He had loads of charm but no connection to inner belief. Words and expressions and movement had no real value. It was like everything that was happening was surface only with a disconnect to the inner person. He reminded me of a puppeteer, pulling the strings on a puppet. Pulling the facial expression, pulling the gestures, none of it real or felt on the inside.

  42. 42
    Julie says:

    I was also going to add that I had a friend once who was very charming. Rose did a reading of him, part of which really speaks to the question of charm and verbal integrity. This was long ago but I’m strongly reminded of it.

    At the level of communication, she found he had a way of privately interpreting people and events in a way that was not very charitable. And she found a major disconnect between the way he presented himself and his secret inner dialog.

    Her recommendation to him was to learn to get by on more than charm. To not consider vulnerability shameful. To become truthful and develop intimacy in relationships.

    In her words, she said “You can impress people so much that it takes them a long time to realize that the slice of you they’ve been given to know makes for a pretty shallow relationship. By then, you’re either on to the next person or juggling a large crowd of admirers”.

    Funnily enough, I don’t think he really valued the large crowd of admirers that much. I remember he used to complain that they wanted so much of his time. He was always in demand, socially.

  43. 43
    an avid reader says:

    Hi Julie,

    I think that a person who is connected to their soul and is communicating in a joyful or playful way could be called charming- but maybe it is more charisma? I am sure it is possible for a person to be charming in a very authentic way. I don’t think that is problematic because as you stated, it can still be connected to a person being truthful or in alignment with their soul.

    I think charm becomes problematic when it is a veneer or a facade.

  44. 44
    Julie says:

    Thanks, Avid Reader. That was a word that was playing around the edges of my mind as I wrote, although I never quite said it: soul!

    Communication from soul and joyful, like you said, is charming and a gift to others.

  45. 45
    an avid reader says:

    I think any talent or gift can be used for the good or for nefarious purposes. Obviously some people are graced with talent in the charm department and I could certainly see how it would be tempting to use it for all types of purposes.

    It seems to me that would take a very high degree of soul development in order to be able to handle charm, charisma, and other magnetic qualities with integrity. Many gurus and spiritual teachers have failed miserably at this test. With charm and charisma come power. Power can be a heady trip. Not everyone succeeds at walking the straight and narrow with it.

  46. 46
    Zelda says:

    I think that the intention that goes along with the charm is important, as well as the stakes in the situation.

    This thread reminds me of something I learned from Regina Thomashauer, aka Mama Gena, who leads “The School of Womanly Arts,” about flirting.

    People often think flirting is really about ‘getting’ someone, as in, I will turn on the charm to get this guy.

    But actually, that’s not what it is. Flirting is really about enjoying yourself in general and sharing that enjoyment with others. It’s the kind of thing we tend to do automatically in the presence of a baby or cute animals.

    In my travels, I’ve loved the charm and flirtatiousness I experienced in countries in which that tends to be the norm in many daily interactions, such as shopping at a market.

    Of course I have no expectation or desire around running off with someone I flirt with in those situations. I find it a lot more fun to have those kinds of interactions in my day because they bring me pleasure.

    When it comes to a romantic situation or a business deal, of course, I’d use my skills to get at what’s going on beneath the charm.

  47. 47
    Kylie says:

    Hi Julie, I love your comments. I think you’ve nailed the difference between authentic and inauthentic charm. The character Joey is a great example. Also, really interesting, Rose’s reading of your friend.

    This conversation reminded me of a very charming acquaintance I have. She is the founder of a gay women’s social meet up group here, a group that has helped many women here to make friends, and have fun outings. Her charm is of the connected kind, I’m sure.

    The thing is, as with many charming people, eventually you realize that the charm is not for you alone. She is that charming to everyone. It is one of the reasons why that meet up group is such a success–because of the way she so warmly welcomes everyone who comes to an event.

    I remember my disappointment when I realized we weren’t going to have a deeper friendship. But I don’t hold that against her.

    Ultimately it comes down to the need for discernment. Who, of all of my acquaintances, both desires and is capable of a deeper two-way relationship with me? That woman, no. But I very much enjoy her sparkle, and the way she so freely shares it.

  48. 48
    Kylie says:

    I didn’t see your comment before I wrote mine Zelda, but that is what I was getting at as well. I love that definition of flirting. And, I am so grateful that, the more sessions I’ve had with Rose, the easier it has been to develop those skills that help me to decide who to run away with (or, as the case has been, not to run away with!)

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