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Aura reading to help you distinguish charm from just being likeable

Charming or genuinely likeable or both?  Aura reading makes it easier to tell.

Charming or genuinely likeable or both? Aura reading makes it easier to tell.

Such a big distinction to make, Blog-Buddies, as we pursue exploring charm:

How does charm shows in an aura, compared to having someone be just plain likeable?

And the huge complexity of this topic, even on the surface of objective reality, becomes way more intense when you can read chakra databanks.

So far, we have not yet explored the difference between charm, as it shows in an aura, and having a person simply be likeable or loveable. Aura reading makes this waaaaay clearer, so three cheers for gaining full energetic literacy! Meanwhile there is always commonsense, human reality.

Yesterday Blog-Buddy AMANDA reminded me of this distinction — in regular everyday behavior — when she sent in an entry to our latest contest, the Charm Contest. AMANDA nominated Donna Eden, founder of Eden Energy Medicine.

What AMANDA wrote was not, actually, about charm but about something else entirely. Reading the words that follow, can you tell what would be a better label for that pull towards DONNA? I’m going to take the liberty of paraphrasing a bit. (Ooh, forgive me, please, AMANDA.)

  • DONNA has not just joy, but a wonderful way of connecting with individuals through her joy.
  • When interacting with people, she treats each one of them in a caring way.
  • She uses her skills in service to others.

Likeable! Loveable! Attractive! Admirable!

Qualities like these can pull a person. But now hear this, Blog-Buddies, because it’s really important for discernment in all your relationships….

Being Likeable Is Different from Charm

You’ll find a conscious reaction to people, helping you to tell the difference.

When you read chakra databanks, researching a variety of chakra databanks, you’ll find something comparable.

Can you relate to the descriptions that follow? I’ll use the example of “GLADYS” although “JOE” is also capable of being either likeable or charming or both.

Likeable — What That Really Means

This person, GLADYS, wow! I like her so much because she is (in no particular order):

  1. Smart
  2. Funny
  3. Accomplished
  4. Hard-working
  5. Humble
  6. Kind
  7. Caring
  8. Generous
  9. A person of faith
  10. Honest

Charming — What That Can Mean

Still about hypothetical GLADYS, and in no particular order. Gee, GLADYS fascinates me because:

  1. There’s something about her that pulls me.
  2. She fascinates me somehow.
  3. Being with her, there’s a sparkle to life, as if somebody turned on a spotlight.
  4. Spending time with her feels different from spending time with others, so much more special.
  5. Spending money with her feels different, like I get so much more value than when I’m just with ordinary people, spending money.
  6. Everything looks beautiful around her.
  7. She makes me feel beautiful and special, just by being there.
  8. I feel a promise, like if I could spend even more time with her, there is no limit to all the fun we could have.
  9. I long to spend time with GLADYS, even if I don’t quite understand why.
  10. I am so special to GLADYS. I always feel that way around her; she makes me feel that way.

Your Assignment, Blog-Buddies

Just to help you get this very big, important difference, here’s a little exercise for you. Think of a person from your past who, in retrospect, was a charmer. Or a player. Someone who may have been popular. Someone who seemed to really care about you, but didn’t. Or someone who used you, perhaps.

Not to depress you, but you get the idea.

Choose just one example.

Was that person likeable, really? Or was it more a matter of charm?

Do share your insights below in some comments. Educating yourself about charm versus just being likeable? This is an important way to protect yourself emotionally, socially, sexually, financially, and energetically.

Some people have both likeability and charm. Others have just the charm. Beware.

 

 

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  1. 1
    Elaine says:

    I dated someone who was charming. Really charming, but when I look back at that short-lived relationship, it was all about him and what he wanted. I realized that I was willing to invest time and attention on him, and he was willing to invest pretty much nothing on me. An example: I would ask him about his day, what happened, etc., actually interested in what made or broke his day. His inquiry about my day or my interests? Mostly zilch. He could charm anyone or so it seemed. Was he likeable? Not particularly because I began to realize he used people in various ways to make his life more comfortable or to get something materially. And then I began to really believe and still do that he didn’t really like women.

  2. 2

    ELAINE, what a great example of someone being charming and not likeable.

    Thank you for your leadership yet again. 🙂

  3. 3
    Sylvia says:

    I had a friend who was charming. I did feel like the world was just more sparkly when I was around him. While I was aware he was actually not the most likeable of characters (he had a very short temper), that didn’t matter to much to me at the time because I enjoyed feeling the affects of his charm. It was only when he decided to turn his charm off around me did it really hit me that he wasn’t all that pleasant to be with.

  4. 4
    Sylvia says:

    On the flip side, I am someone that people often find charming. When I read the ‘charming’ list above, it occurred to me I have heard all of these things said about being in my company. Particularly when I was younger, this used to drive me crazy because I wanted people to like me not for being fascinating or making them feel special, but for the kind of attributes you listed under the ‘likeable’ category. Somehow, when people told me how fascinating I was, I didn’t feel they could see the ‘real’ me, so I was not especially flattered, felt some disdain for them for being so ‘shallow’, and felt a bit lonely inside on account of feeling unseen. But what I’m learning here is that the parts that people find charming is just as real as the parts that they find likeable — they’re just very different things.

  5. 5
    Primmie says:

    For myself, I know I’m using charm or on the receiving end of it, if I get an emotional high. It’s like a narcotic for me. I’ve never had that buzz from talking to someone who is legitimately likeable.

  6. 6

    Fascinating, PRIMMIE.

    I think you are very clear about the difference between charm and likeability, a distinction that is often blurred (even in some dictionary definitions).

    Very perceptive catch.

    With Stage Three Energetic Literacy, something very similar marks charm.

  7. 7

    And, of course, someone as loveable and good as that SYLVIA could have charm.

    Part of that long, long list of talents you’ve got going, Ms. SYLVIA.

    Wow, did you ever come into this incarnation uncommonly loaded with goodies, Dear Heart!

  8. 8
    Amanda says:

    Hee hee!

    I was thinking I wasn’t very sure about charm and there you have it.

    What’s odd is that I can’t bring to mind any person who has ever charmed me.

    From your list of what charm is like, I can vaguely see I know some people with it but it doesn’t affect me. It’s a tired little tinkle compared with the twinkle of likeability and not really important to connection.

    Perhaps that’s why I got them confused.

    Amanda

  9. 9
    Amanda says:

    And even funnier – I have an idea that perhaps my daughter is a charmer (complete with dimples) and even that doesn’t really work on me.

    Yours, vaguely baffled,

    Amanda

  10. 10
    Dana says:

    I’ve enjoyed this series about charm.

    One example for me that came to mind was when I met a friend’s coworker a few times and later said to my friend, “Wow, he seems like he’s great to work with, really caring about people’s feelings.” My friend looked at me like I had two heads. “Why would you think that?” he asked, “He’s the total opposite. He doesn’t care about anyone else at all.”

    So I’m thinking that I had just been charmed in my brief meetings with that coworker. Was there really anything objectively likeable about him? Well… actually no!

  11. 11
    Primmie says:

    Rose, thank you so much for this post and also your comment. It has been very thought provoking reading this series because I haven’t had to articulate exactly what charm is before.

  12. 12
    Primmie says:

    Amanda, you would be a true gift to anyone with an addiction to being charming. Rare people who aren’t touched by charm can be wonderful catalysts for change. I met someone like that and it began my recovery from using charm. That was the moment I threw away my Rubik cube and I’m so glad I did.

  13. 13
    astrit says:

    A friend of my brother, “JON,” AND a coworker of mine “GLADYS” both have what seems to me A LOT OF CHARM.

    JON works with TV production and played guitar with my brother’s band.

    AND GLADY is my coworker and is a promoter; she knows A LOT of people. And seems to me has A LOT of charm.

  14. 14
    astrit says:

    And my brother and I talked about them, and concluded that JON is EXTREMELY charming, but doesn’t seem to “level” or care that much about the people he talks to, although his eyes are very sparkly when he looks at you and I get to feel very special.

    He is very “My way or the highway.” (He wasnt exactly very co-operative in the band)… This was the first time I encountered CHARM, and getting bitten by it…hehe.. fascinating!!

  15. 15
    astrit says:

    While my coworker, is charming as hell, but I’m starting to think she is caring as well. Very, very fascinating topic!! I would like to know if she is charming AND CARING.

    I think im ready to learn energetic litteracy VERY SOON!

  16. 16
    Amanda says:

    Primmie, I loved your comment 12 and I think I understand it.

    I recently met someone through work who, because she doesn’t notice a whole bunch of STUFF, causes it to run away in her presence.

    Such a transformational gift.

    She works as a hypnotherapist but I’m sure it contributes to her success because at some level she is just saying ‘Oh go aWAY!’ to whatever her clients come in with.

    🙂

    Amanda

  17. 17
    Sylvia says:

    Aww, thank you Rose. That was very touching.

    It’s taken me a long time to find peace with gift of charm. It’s definitely one that comes with challenges, often ones that others don’t relate to. But this discussion has helped a lot, and has reminded me that it really is a gift.

  18. 18
    David.. says:

    Great article, Rose. The 2 lists make the distinction much clearer.

  19. 19
    Primmie says:

    Amanda, that’s really interesting. I am really curious why you are immune to charm, I think it’s amazing. These days I have awareness about charm and I often feel uncomfortable around it because it strikes me as inauthentic, but I certainly didn’t have that naturally.

  20. 20
    Amanda says:

    Primmie, I don’t know. Ever since I was a child I’ve been aware of the facades people put on to gain something (we all have them) and I think charm is just a very obvious form of facade.

    I always like the real person underneath much better!

    Amanda

  21. 21
    Primmie says:

    Amanda, you are such a joy and make me think so much, thank you.

  22. 22
    Kira says:

    I have been fascinated by any number of people over the years, without knowing what I was fascinated by, but in most cases actually spending time with them didn’t feel particularly different from spending time with anyone else.

    There’s only one person I can think of that I ever felt truly special with (and still do). But she’s the great but unattainable love of my life (because I’m bisexual but she’s not, and she’s the same age as my father), so I don’t know how much of that is charm and how much is being in love.

    We do have a deep reciprocal friendship, so if it is charm, she’s also truly likeable. She was one of my teachers in high school and lots of classmates liked her a lot, too.

  23. 23
    Amanda says:

    Primmie I love reading your comments (and your guest post) too!

    You’ve set me off on a train of thought I was in already, about charm and lies and people to be careful around.

    To me it’s all part of the illusion floating on the central core of our being, which is that we are not enough. We can act out of that illusion, or not act but still contain the illusion.

  24. 24
    Amanda says:

    In fact we are enough and that facade or illusion is something that simply floats around inside us as STUFF.

    This is not to denigrate charm which is such a gift.

    But if someone like Guru Joe uses charm through a belief that he needs something from others, that’s the STUFF that is an illusion and stops him truly connecting with another person.

    We’re all good enough – we just forget sometimes!

    Amanda

  25. 25
    Amanda says:

    That stillness inside is where we begin to see how we separate ourselves through a set of false beliefs that raise and lower our standing in the eyes of others, make us act from fear, create conflict and stain our view of others.

    Then there’s healthy need which arises from the core and is loving in nature.

    It is fun being human!

    🙂

    Amanda

  26. 26
    Opal says:

    I think the appeal of charm goes quickly limp when you realize you’re being manipulated. It’s very disconcerting to realize someone is mechanically and halfheartedly pushing your buttons simply because it’s a habitual thing that they do.

  27. 27
    Opal says:

    I think you’ll appreciate this,
    I found this story in a non-fiction book published in 1911: “A gentleman took his daughter of sixteen to Richmond to witness the trial of his bitter personal enemy, Aaron Burr, whom he regarded as an arch-traitor. But she was so fascinated by Burr’s charming manner that she sat with his friends. Her father took her from the courtroom, and locked her up, but she was so overcome by the fine manner of the accused that she believed in his innocence and prayed for his acquittal. ‘To this day,’ said she fifty years afterwards, ‘I feel the magic of his wonderful deportment.'”

  28. 28

    Such a story, OPAL! So believable, yes, such can be the power of charm on a really impressionable person.

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