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Deeper Perception Made Practical

Let's talk about your name. A counter-culture conversation!

"A rose by any other name" blah-blah. Hey, there's so much more to human names.

“A rose by any other name” blah-blah. Hey, there’s so much more to HUMAN names.

“Noooooooooooooooooooooo” I wanted to scream into my newspaper this morning.

I was reading the advice column by Carolyn Hax. Usually her columns is one of my favorite parts of The Washington Post. But today? Ouch!

Let’s play advice columnist today, Blog-Buddies. I’ll add my bit and then you can add your responses in the form of comments. Even if Carolyn doesn’t read any of them. (Sure, I will send her a link, but Carolyn Hax must receive about a zillion emails per day.)

Here was the original question from “Name Change”

“I’m in my 40s and heading to graduate school for a completely different career. I’ve always hated my first name — it sounds great for a child but does not transfer very well as a professional name. I’d like to change it as I embark on my new direction but I feel silly being my age and sounding like I’m having an identity crisis. Thoughts?”

Oh yes,, I sure have thoughts (as you’ll soon read). Carolyn Hax’s recommendations are one click away. Let’s just say here, she starts by asking “But do you like it otherwise?”

You know, apart from all the reasons given for having the temerity to change his very own name. Advice Seeker “Name Change” is asked to twirl and contort his mind around all the benefits he might enjoy by not changing a thing.

My perspective, as someone who nurtures personal identity

“Noooooooooooooooooooooo”

Name Change had me at “I’ve always hated my first name.”

Isn’t that rather important?

What on earth would outweigh sheer loathing, day after day, since infancy?

Okay, if you were named “Price Charles” and, at age 66 you still are hoping to become king some day… maybe then a gag-inducing monniker would be worthwhile. As in “Gag and bear it.”

Otherwise?

What’s so silly, for an adult, about changing one’s name at ANY age?

In our wacky society, it’s okay to celebrate mid-40’s by buying a hot red car.

It’s okay get a divorce. Or to marry. Even to marry someone young enough to be your child or grandchild.

In much of America (thank God) it’s okay, finally, to come out with one’s sexual identity. It’s okay to be transgendered.

Anywhere in the US, it’s okay to run off to the cosmetic surgeon and change face bits around.

It’s just fine, apparently, to facelift one’s self into a kind of living museum, commemorating one’s youthful face from so long ago.

(As someone who Tivos “Big Bang,” I regularly see ads for “Cougar Town,” complete with brief closeups of Courtney Cox. Sure, I loved watching this talented actress years ago in “Family Ties.” Maybe I could enjoy watching her now. Only not when her face is stretched so tight and hard, my mirror neurons ache just to look at her.)

So many things are okay socially in post-postmodern America. But apparently it’s downright shocking if a person considers changing his name?

Hello! I applaud any adult whose personal development is speeding along so rapidly that old somethings don’t work any more. That isn’t necessarily being fickle. These two words may apply here: Virtual reincarnation.

Of course, people can have very earthbound thinking, even Spiritual Shutdown reactions, related to changing one’s name.

  • For instance, “You were born with a name. You must live with that name.”
  • A common variation goes, “You must live with the name your parents given you… unless you are a woman who marries. Then you become the husband’s property. So you must take that last name.”
  • Or “If you are a woman and you really love that husband, of course you will now take that husband’s last name.”

Assumptions worth questioning, right?

“The big hassle”

That is what Carolyn Hax called it, legally changing one’s  name: the big hassle.

Please, legally changing your name only a big hassle if you’re a convicted felon or you have major outstanding debts or otherwise you’re on the lam from the law.

Changing your name legally takes way less time and money compared to many other things that are considered okay, or lauded in mainstream society. Such as the flashy red car or the trips to the cosmetic surgeon.

Look, it’s no secret that I believe in Name Alignment, done with Thrill Your Soul Aura Reading Research.

Shakespeare famously wrote, in “Romeo and Juliet”:

What’s in a name? that which we call a rose

By any other name would smell as sweet.”

Well, hello. The Bard was talking about a flower. Not a person. If a rose had feelings, it might not like being known as a hippopotamus.

Why is Name Alignment Research so beneficial?

Aura reading at depth — full Stage Three Energetic Literacy — can tell you so much about who you are. With Name Alignment Research, we explore what is the impact of the name you were given at birth.

Then you can use your free will to research names that might suit you better.

And I really mean much, much better.

As a facilitator of personal development, I’ve got to tell you that choosing a name that aligns with your soul — and other chakra databanks — is the single most important thing you can do to evolve big-time.

Here are examples from some Blog-Buddies who changed their names, following Name Alignment Research, and wrote about it here at the blog:

Even the Name Alignment PROCESS can help a person to grow spiritually

Doing Name Alignment Research carries no pressure that you must move forward immediately to legally change your name.

There’s no rush about changing your name afterwards. Just finding a great one helps you to evolve.

Sometimes conflicts come up. Worries or big fears.

Well, isn’t healing STUFF part of a person’s path to Enlightenment?

Healing those fears doesn’t obligate JOE or GLADYS or NAME CHANGE to legally change a name.

Some of my clients have waited for years, literally years, before making a name change legal. Some may never do the name changing part.

Life is complicated. And your sacred self-authority matters most about any choice you might, or might not, make with your legal name.

Just, please, let’s not disrespect that cry of a soul like, “I have always hated my name.”

Let’s not turn up the volume of “I feel silly because I wish to change my name” or “Other people may not like it when I take steps to make my life better.”

Changing your name doesn’t impact anyone as much as it is YOUR choice, YOUR free will, YOUR life.

Which is why I recommend that, in most cases, you don’t ask or tell anyone in advance of a name change.

Do the legal change to your name. Then announce. Because you have that right.

Soon as you start asking opinions, others can easily undermine your confidence in a choice that belongs only to you. Of course, that’s just my personal recommendation.

How to deal with anyone in your life who whines that they are so hurt, or otherwise traumatized, because of what you have done with your own personal name?

Here’s an idea. Write to Carolyn Hax for advice.

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  1. 1
    Devon says:

    I once read a post on a message board that said something to the effect of “Have you ever considered changing your name?”

    Most of the responses where lukewarm at best. One person responded with “No. I am happy where I am in my life.”

    I was tempted to register and respond with “It’s not a matter of being happy with your life so much as if your name is a good fit for you or not.”

  2. 2
    Devon says:

    As somebody who recently underwent a legal name change, after reading that response by Ms. Hax I am certainly not interested in reading anything else she has to say.

  3. 3

    DEVON, this is so great, your response in Comment #1.

    As for Carolyn Hax, she has plenty of wisdom to share (highly educational for me, anyway). Carolyn just has a blind spot about the spiritual and energetic importance of names.

    I do invite all you Blog-Buddies who have a different view to spread that around. Don’t be shy about speaking up to friends and family members, spreading the word about what is true for you.

    One small comment is usually plenty. If folks wish to hear more, let them ask.

  4. 4
    Zofia says:

    This is interesting.

    I was really surprised about your opinions on this, Rose, when I first read about name alignment.

    I remember reading in my Catholic books that God gives the grace for every woman to find the right name for her child.

  5. 5
    Zofia says:

    Diana Cooper goes on about the importance of your birth name.

    There’s numerology about birth names.

    It ties into a sense of fatalism.

  6. 6
    Zofia says:

    In my mind Michael Newton’s books seemed to have the same message.

    Your birth family are your soul group and that life path is fixed.

    What you’re born with is what you get in life.

  7. 7
    Zofia says:

    How is that helpful?

    Choosing all elements of your life is important. Including where you live, what you do, who you talk to and your name, if that’s what you want!

    I kind of like my first name (ie not Lilian that I use here) as it’s a Polish name that everyone pronounces slightly differently depending on accent. It keeps me entertained. 🙂

  8. 8

    It is fascinating to me how the allure of determinism can seem so beautiful, yet lead to consequences that are downright ugly.

    We are always free to mix-and-match about areas in life where we DO believe in free will.

    For many people living now, I suppose, birth name and married name are hands-off, do not question. Meant to be for life.

    How about you, Blog-Buddies? What do you feel is a meant to be, surrender? And when is it time to apply your free will?

  9. 9

    Ironically, many of us are still living out (in other respects) the burden of trying to please the family of origin. As if that were sacred, either!

    Not to me.

    To me, pleasing the family is sacred only if it’s a group of people who are compatible with the adult you are now.

    Raising the children you have brought into the world? Now that’s an obligation. Otherwise???????

  10. 10
    Julie says:

    Well, the advantage to applying your free will is that, at the end of your life, you will know you lived the life you really wanted to. Rather than the life that others thought appropriate.

    Following tradition has some advantages, but freedom has many more.

  11. 11
    Julie says:

    It’s easy to live life trying to please others, but hard to find satisfaction that way.

    I saw a great interview with the Irish dancer Michael Flatley. He talked about how much resistance other people had to his choice of career.

    People wanted him to give up dancing, and his father wanted him to go into the construction business.

    At one point in the interview he says “Everybody’s got an opinion on what you should do. It’s what’s inside yourself that counts”.

    He was very believable, as someone who has chosen to thrill and express his soul, and talent.

    It seemed an authentic comment – one that he lives and embodies.

  12. 12
    Julie says:

    The fact that I even remember this interview is remarkable, given that I saw it many years ago.

    But there’s a real ring of truth, when someone says something that they have lived through and embodied.

    He had done that, taken that ‘voice’ of talent and brought it out into the world. He had chosen to be himself.

  13. 13
    Lara says:

    Time to apply free will- always! Life is always happening, the easiest way for me is just to accept what comes up and deal with it with free will. But.. there is also a large element of surrender to the ‘flow of life’ through me. I can only describe that as not really having an agenda.

  14. 14
    Sarah says:

    What an interesting discussion, as usual! 🙂

    I like exploring the line between “meant-to-be”s and free will. It always makes me think of the Serenity prayer. Isn’t this one of life’s greatest balancing acts? 🙂

  15. 15
    Sarah says:

    For me, cheesy as it may sound, I draw the line at “now.” The past, I can’t change. So, one way or another, it was all “meant to be.” Relieves me from the obligation of having regrets 😛

    But the future? I like to act as if that is all free will.

  16. 16
    Sarah says:

    I know that I will have more luck trying to change more localized things (like my name, or the color of my house) than more global things (like the climate or international politics), but I see it as all up for grabs, so to speak.

  17. 17
    Sarah says:

    The more individual “will”s you’ve got involved, the harder it might be to change.

    So for something like a name or vocation, which is very personal but has a tendency to provoke unsolicited opinions from others, I guess it’s a matter of deciding whose “will”s you’re going to let get involved.

  18. 18
    Sarah says:

    I don’t know that I feel very strongly about my own name, one way or the other.

    But I do love the opportunity to vicariously experience the sacredness of name change from you all! 🙂

  19. 19
    Rachel says:

    Yes, very interesting discussion.

    Responding to Julie’s comments, I can’t help thinking that for every 100 people who want to be dancers, who feel it deep in their soul, only 1 of them is going to make it.

    The rest probably WOULD be better off going into construction (or some other alternative).

    I recall having had this discussion on the blog not so long ago. As Rose says, it is simply not realistic or possible for everyone to follow their pie-in-the-sky dreams, even if that possibility gives them soul thrill.

    Much better to choose a pathway that is realistic and practical, and in demand.

    For most would-be dancers, that is simply not the case. Michael Flatley is a very fortunate exception 😉

  20. 20

    A practical observation indeed, RACHEL, to add to this series of wonderful comments. My thanks to everyone involved.

    Here’s my perspective on this thrill your soul notion. Some comments in a row will chunk it up into useful bits (I hope).

  21. 21

    Hold on, this topic really does have a lot to it.

    Plus today I wound up with nine session hours (more than usual), so I’ll do this as time permits. Maybe today, maybe not.

    Link to come.

  22. 22
    Julie says:

    Very good points, Rachel. Few dancers make it and are successful. Michael Flatley was a fortunate exception!

    On the flip side, if nobody followed their dreams, this would be a rather uninspiring place to live:)

  23. 23
    Lilian says:

    Good stuff. When I first did some deciding about spirituality it was all about free will and choice. Then about ten years later I thought I should study “the new age” and it was all about predestination. How is that inspiring?

    Though I’ve given away my “real name”. Ah, the HR lady will have to suck it and accept that my belief system doesn’t mean I have psychological problems!! Stupid lady.

  24. 24

    And isn’t that notion of a “real name” ridiculous?

    Are any of you folks fans of using your “real fertility”? As in no birth control… Because any egg or sperm capable of creating a baby is oh-so-natural and real….

    And how about one’s “natural born inability to read or write or do arithmetic”? (Laughing)

  25. 25
    Julie says:

    Probably most people don’t have a single concentrated talent but more a smattering of talents, like the paint in a Jackson Pollock painting.

    Not one overriding thing, but different possibilities.

    I do think it’s important not to sell oneself short. Security is all very well and good (where would we be without it?), but happiness is important too.

    Those dreams are important. As the saying goes “The heart wants what it wants”.

  26. 26
    Julie says:

    In terms of free will and how much is negotiable in life, we may not know that until we try.

    Like a good haggler in the marketplace, we might get what we want. If we try!

  27. 27
    Julie says:

    As Rose said at one point, waiting for bad times to pass is a terrible strategy. Action is preferable.

  28. 28
    Rachel says:

    Hi Julie,

    I love your sentiment. I would love to live in a world where following one’s heart could really pay off. But I feel increasingly cynical about the ‘follow your heart’ school of thought. To quote Rose (August 16th 2014 blog post):

    “Folks conflate loving something, pouring your heart and soul into it, with generating success.

    Nope, sorry. I’m not a believer.

    Hobbies are for this, doing what you love and pouring your best into it.

    Whether or not you succeed in worldly terms, this is a great thing to do… as part of a balanced life.”

    We may be blessed spiritually if we do things we love… but let’s not kid ourselves that it’s going to lead anywhere, in real, Earth terms!

  29. 29
    Julie says:

    Hi Rachel,

    I used to feel that way too, that living for hobbies alone would be enough. I just don’t currently see it that way. Of course, a lot depends on the line of work a person is in, and whether they find it fulfilling. And whether the current position is fulfilling.

    If the answer to those things is “No”, it might be worth re-examining. There are greater and lesser directions of happiness, and maybe something chosen in the past is no longer the best choice.

    I do enjoy security, but being comfortable at the expense of growth…not an answer.

    This doesn’t really disagree, by the way, with what you’re saying. It’s just my own slant.

    I really do think the soul thrill, and what the heart wants, is important. Too much of a compromise doesn’t work.

  30. 30
    Lilian says:

    I agree Julie. Without developing your talents you’re stuck in dead end jobs. All businesses need investment and risks to grow.

    You can only be as secure as your environment allows you to be. Baby boomers enjoyed the exponential economic growth that allowed them to spend their time discovering drugs and transcendental meditation. Disposable income was at an all time high. You could have your cake and eat it.

    Us young people have a much tougher climate. Dead end jobs are more the norm. We’re outpriced from buying houses etc etc There’s less financial security for us to loose. Why work so hard if you don’t enjoy what you’re doing?

    In many ways, this is less about soul thrill than how you view the potential in society for new ways of living to grow. And there are other blogs for that!

  31. 31
    Julie says:

    Thanks, Lilian. It is a much tougher climate. The profession I’m in has become so automated and what was intellectual is now a more secretarial position. The internet has revolutized things and it’s not like I want to turn back the hands of time. That’s not possible. Just looking for the next steps in this current environment. Developing of talents is key.

    And just to feel like I ventured something. No risk, no reward kind of thing.

    To maintain the standard of living of my parents…haven’t been able to. To buy a house, as a single person…

    I so appreciate your comment, Lilian. I really “get it”.

  32. 32

    RACHEL, LILIAN, JULIE, all your comments on this thread have been golden. As usual.

    I’m especially touched by this one from you, JULIE, Comment 31. If it’s any consolation…

    So many fields of endeavor are changing, are cheapening.

    Not allowing yourself to grow bitter, that’s one of the challenges.

    The other is to keep seeking opportunities that work for NOW.

    And then not giving up…

    I just know you will get there, JULIE.

  33. 33

    Also I want to flag this part of your comment, JULIE:

    “To maintain the standard of living of my parents…haven’t been able to.”

    This experience is way personal but not necessarily the causes. Have all you Blog-Buddies noticed the correlation between class divide, the decline of the middle class (in America and probably elsewhere), and the rise of Law of Attraction practices?

    So many of us have felt “It’s my fault.” or “I haven’t been able to….”

    Then we have sought spiritual fixes for problems that weren’t of our making.

    One good reason to vote, IMHO.

  34. 34
    Julie says:

    That’s so encouraging, Rose. Thank you!

  35. 35
    Rachel says:

    Hear hear to all these comments!

    Here in the UK, I’ve also become aware of the way private banks have been running the economy in the last decade or two and massively pushing up house prices. The cost of living is sooooo much higher than it used to be.

  36. 36
    Rachel says:

    So yeah, whereas it might have been possible to live very frugally in the 60s, ‘following your bliss’ and living in some attic in Paris while creating your art, that’s just not possible now, not unless you are quite wealthy already.

  37. 37
    Rachel says:

    I totally agree with you Rose, it’s been easy for people to blame themselves, to think it’s their ‘fault’ if they can’t wholeheartedly pursue their passion.

    But they fail to take into account the fact that life has changed… it is simply much more expensive than it used to be!

    That, combined with terrible Law of Attraction ideas = toxic combination :-(.

  38. 38
    Rachel says:

    On a different tack, Julie if you’re looking for new avenues, I say go for it!

    It’s a totally different issue if your basic security needs are covered and you are more or less ‘okay.’

    In that case, what have you got to lose by exploring new options?

    (not that you were asking my opinion… but hey, I’m guessing that you and I are looking at this from different angles as I am still attempting to create basic structures in my life such as finding a fairly decent place to live!).

  39. 39
    Meli says:

    I changed my legal name from an unwieldly and disliked two-name name to the name I’ve been called forever – whether it sounds “immature” or not, I like it and it fits me.

    Name changing is a tedious process of filling in forms and standing in lots of lines, but it also changed the way I feel about a lot of things.

  40. 40
    Meli says:

    All my IDs now matched my sense of who I am – I never really felt the importance of that until I had to get a college transcript.

    My college IDs always had the first half of my old name, which I hated, and with my new name on the top I actually felt happier and more related to that part of my life!

  41. 41
    Meli says:

    I put off the name change for years because I felt I would be hurting my parents’ feelings.

    And because I only needed it for “official” things (which I hated doing because guess what? I hated being called by name!)

    When it all went through the only regret I had was not doing it sooner – like as soon as I saw that college ID!

  42. 42
    Meli says:

    Rose is right about there being so many more difficult things we can change.

    Our names are so integral to our identities – if you don’t like your name, I say go for it and change it to something you do!

  43. 43

    MELI, thank you so much for sharing your story.

    Isn’t it a head-slapper how simple it is, really? Once you choose a name that aligns better with your soul… and then commit to going through with it, in some jurisdictions you may have to wait on some lines. In others, not even that big a deal.

    And none of the little mechanical notifications are on the order of pain, or drag to a person’s spiritual evolution, of being pulled around by that inappropriate “handle.”

    Big congratulations, MELI. 🙂

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