Each person’s human journey is so fascinating. Today Blog-Buddy ISABELLE shares the saga of her moving forward in human-based spirituality, celebrating her humanity and self-authority. I have added just headings, links, and the occasional edit for clarity.
Incidentally, you can learn about The Romance of the Astral from this earlier post.
For me, what was The Romance of the Astral?
Well, I had a very romantic relationship with the astral, and for a long time.
This lasted just until last year, when I felt so stuffed by all that astral-level “nutrition” (which I always had thought was healthy and important).
But how did I get into this very addictive dieting plan in the first place?
My connection to the Divine has always been there. My spiritual self has always been awake. People have called me “wise” from an early age on.
The main thing that made life so hard for me was definitely being an unskilled empath. It was also tricky for me, given that spiritual connection, to learn how to integrate myself into humanness.
Human life has always seemed kind of abstract to me. And not the kind of abstract art that I usually like.
Seeking the spiritual, losing much of the human aspect of life
So, at the age of 16, I got really into Krishnamurti. I was influenced by my meditation teacher and psychotherapist (who actually also had been practicing Transcendental Meditation; I think he was teaching TM in the 70s and 80s).
Even though it is said that Krishnamurti taught a non-ideology — one that he didn’t even teach — it sure became an ideology to me. I considered Krishnamurti as some kind of god. His way of talking about non-ideology became the only way to think for me.
You know, my ideology.
Getting further addicted, this time to the astral
What made things worse for me was diving into New Age spirituality. This happened after 2000.
My view is that the wisdom shared in the 60s and 70s was more profound than this mixed cocktail of New Age being served now. Just my opinion, of course.
Certainly, this is what happened to me: After Krishnamurti, I fell for New Age of the new millennium. I do not have to name names. Most of those New Age books had the same publisher.
Law of Attraction was one of the techniques I learned.
Although I would like to say that I never, ever better because of using these techniques, that isn’t exactly true.
Stopping everyday life to read Hay House books? Stopping everyday life to watch YouTube videos on Law of Attraction? This was something I needed to do at the time.
Why? Because I felt so overwhelmed.
I tried to look for the answer to my problems in all those self-help books instead of using my own self-authority.
I felt brainwashed. I just didn’t know what else to do.
Later I would learn about The Three Worlds
It was a big deal to me when, last year, I learned about the three vibrational frequencies, traditionally called “The Three Worlds.” Rose has written here at this blog about the human, astral and Divine types of energy. She has written about the problems that can be caused, especially in this new Age of Aquarius, by getting involved in spiritual addiction, what she sometimes calls “The Romance of the Astral.”
Discovering this perspective was a revalation. I had never come across this information until I discovered Rose’s work.
Learning about spiritual addiction? Are you kidding? Drifting off’ into different dimensions for long periods of time was something I might have done many times a day, every day.
Meanwhile, I continued on my path to Enlightenment. Only it began to involve The Romance of the Astral.
The progression of spiritual addiction — how bad it got for me
Spiritual addiction describes my life pretty well, and this went on for a long time. There was a definite progression:
- In 2012 I started to lose my sense of identity as a human being.
- By 2013, I was totally lost in space.
- This lasted for part of 2014 as well.
- I think I had a highly false view of what was going to happen after December 21st, 2012. I thought that I would evolve rapidly into a high meditative state… become more spiritual (and only spiritual).
A total misconception, it turned out.
What was going to happen after December 2012?
The media joked about the world going under. Scientists talked about new research results. The New Age movement claimed that something big would happen with our consciousness.
The message I received was that, if we didn’t grow before December 2012, we would not evolve in a good way ever again.
I have to say, I was a bit scared about this. I thought that I needed to fix myself to become 100% perfect. And how did I try to do this?
- I read dozens of books
- I went to dozens of healers
- I meditated and did countless other things.
What I didn’t know back then (something that Rose made clear to me recently!) is that I was spaced out even when Iwas not practicing official techniques. Daydreaming, analyzing — these can count as Technique Time as well? And I was doing this kind of space-out c o n s t a n t l y.
Having the intense empath’s gift of being a molecular empath (amongst other empath gifts) might have made the situation even harder for me as I only now have started to learn empath skills.
So this misconception about the Shift into this New Age of Energy. It was big. And it made it harder than it might have been otherwise, moving into The Age of Aquarius.
What happened as the result of my heroic efforts to perfect myself?
People I knew started to lose interest in me. I started to lose my interest in life.
Soon I put everything into a category of New Age ideology. Everything I thought, felt, heard, and saw had to go through a filter; all my experiences had to be looked at from a New Age kind of view.
Growing up, I had always been very controlling towards myself when I was with people with whom I didn’t feel comfortable. But I had grown out of it quite a bit after moving to another country and being brave. Now that frightened, controlling part came back.
Even worse, I lost my sense of self, my identity, my personality (and NOT in a good way that was supposedly “spiritual”). I was empty, and not in a good way at all.
People began reacting to me differently. In my best years, I had been a magnet to men and women (haha); now hardly anyone would take notice of me.
My talking became slow again, words didn’t come to me. I could hardly talk about the most normal things. People showed me their back.
Then came one really big-deal psychic reading
In the summer of 2013, I went to an astrologer i had had a reading with some years earlier. He told me concepts.
Concepts can be so hard to dismiss! His concepts about me felt like a slap in the face — even though he told me “good things” — that i was highly intelligent and had to integrate myself more into humanness (which I felt was true). He also told me what to do: what schools to apply to, what work to get, where i should live and not live etc.
I had been in reaaalllllly bad shape for over a year. He predicted that things would get even worse. I was flabbergasted.
I’m sharing this story because I want to make clear how important self-authority is.
Rose teaches skills and does aura reading but she seems to be aware of the importance of self-authority. That’s great. I like that Rose is counterculture in these ways.
Why I wrote today’s article
The reason for today’s guest post is that I just read Rose’s blog post “How to make wiser choices with energetic literacy.”
I remembered clearly how I once moved to another country and aimed for a career as a fashion model BECAUSE a psychic/fortune teller had told me so (and it was my ‘dream’).
i would not have done this without the person telling me i would be successful.
Things turned out differently. I did NOT earn millions and had to work at a café instead ;-).
I was NOT “discovered.” My life did NOT become perfect.
(Still I’m very happy I took the decision to move to a different country, even if it was with the help of that psychic.)
I am happy I was able to write all this down. It is shocking, even to me.