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Fear Narcissists? SKILLED Empaths Don’t

Don't let the word "Narcissist" confuse you. Nor the word "Empath."

Don’t let the word “Narcissist” confuse you. Nor the word “Empath.”

Fear Narcissists? SKILLED Empaths Don’t. Because we can look past illusions sometimes taught to empaths who seek empowerment.

Here are seven reasons why the system of Empath Empowerment® can help you. And help you far more than horrible illusions that some empath teachers offer as a “way to help empaths.”

A recent conversation really opened my eyes to how much some unskilled empaths have suffered. My Highly, Highly Sensitive fellow empaths, not-yet-skilled… ouch!

This conversation took place on Facebook at the Empath Empowerment® Skills Group. Based on that, I would like to share some ideas related to handling difficult people, whether narcissists or not.

 SKILLED Empaths Know This. Do You?

First a few definitions will be necessary, so it’s clear that we mean the same things when using certain terms.

  • An empath is someone with a gift for directly experiencing what it is like to be other people. Empaths are not necessarily people who feel other people’s feelings.
  • Unskilled empaths suffer because, unless the empath actively gains skills to turn the empath gift(s) OFF, there will be suffering, confusion, and loads of other relationship problems. It can be hard to use common sense about whether a relationship is helpful for you or not.
  • Energetically, the kind of problem empaths get is called “Imported STUFF.” This field of Energy Spirituality names many other kinds of STUFF, not just what causes empaths to suffer.
  • Imported STUFF complicates ALL of an empath’s relationships, whether we know about this subconscious-level problem or not, also whether we consciously know that we are empaths or not.

This entertaining book can bring you “Empath Empowerment in 30 Days.” It has helped others. Why not you?

Fear Narcissists? Compassion Is Appropriate Here

Compassion needs to be part of the conversation because suffering hurts. Whatever the cause of that distress, whichever personalities are involved, sometimes relationships are really, really hard here at Earth School.

I especially appreciate a related comment from CATHY at the Empath Empowerment Skills Group:

I think the widespread thinking that most empath difficulties are caused by narcissists or toxic people is simply because they have no better explanation, and are dealing with it the best they can.”

That said, here are some ways to live juicy, not frightened, in a world where some people act just plain nasty.

Empaths, Don’t Fear Narcissists. Reason #1:

Relationship Problems Are Not Necessarily About Being an Empath

Social skills come in handy. Such as:

  • Noticing self-centered behavior. (And then saying buh-bye to the narcissist.)
  • Noticing if your lover is cruel or unfaithful or steals your money. (And then saying buh-bye to the narcissist.)
  • Noticing if your other friends warn you about this new, exciting friend. (And then saying buh-bye to the narcissist; next saying “Thank you” to the trusted friends.)

Empaths, Don’t Fear Narcissists. Reason #2:

Only Feel Like a Victim for as Long as You Need to!

There is no statute of limitations on how long a person needs to feel sad, abused, or victimized. Anyone, empath or not, may feel better by blaming a person. “Narcissist” is today’s most popular term for that, right?

Your favorite way to deal with past pain may be to go onto a Facebook page that serves as a support resource for people who have suffered because of narcissists. It has been liked by nearly 60 thousand people. If that brings you solace, thank goodness for that!

Just be clear that this will not give you empath skills. It will give you solace of the kind called “Misery loves company.” Fulfilling a very human sort of need.

Empaths, Don’t Fear Narcissists. Reason #3:

This Empath Coach Teaches Skills that Aren’t about Being a Victim

My original question at the Empath Empowerment Skills Group was, “DO EMPATHS REALLY NEED TO WORRY ABOUT NARCISSISTS?”

Seems to this Empath Coach, a short answer is that SKILLED EMPATHS DO NOT NEED TO WORRY ABOUT NARCISSISTS. (Not more than other people, anyway.)

Have you noticed, way too many people today define being a empath as “Being a victim.”

Well, “Skilled victim” is not the same thing as “Skilled empath.”

No amount of self-pity as a victim will strengthen an empath energetically, protect against Imported STUFF, etc. And although misery does love — and need — company, receiving support as a victim is not the same thing as developing Empath Empowerment® skills.

Empaths, Don’t Fear Narcissists. Reason #4:

Calling Yourself an Empath Is Not Enough to Become a Skilled Empath

Blog-Buddies, I just cringe when I read people equating being an empath with being vulnerable to narcissists, toxic personalities, energy vampires, etc. There are multiple reasons for cringing.

Crying “Victim!” will not protect you from anything

Sure, enjoy the consolation if it is needed, as mentioned in previous point #2. Victim talk offered to sensitive persons and empaths, like the support offered at the popular Facebook page with nearly 60,000 fellow sufferers, is clearly appealing to certain people at certain times in their lives. However this is consolation. It will not protect your energies, your aura.

Energetic literacy shows really clearly when somebody is doing well energetically versus being a holy mess. Of course, every one of you reading this can become a skilled aura reader — whether you were born as an empath or not. I urge you to develop those skills. Then you can accurately gauge for yourself how helpful anybody’s empath coaching really is.

One popular empath coach, Judith Orloff, MD, gave an empath workshop attended by my student Gladys. Another time, my student Joe took that workshop.

Orloff brings a lot of people comfort by helping them feel special and sensitive and victimey. Schooling them in avoiding narcissists and various forms of “vampires.”

Both Gladys and Joe were shocked. Especially when Orloff told them that, due to her special sensitivity: She cannot be with people for more than three hours a day.

Please avoid a situation like the blind are leading the blind.

Fearing narcissists or others will not strengthen you.

Except for encouraging feelings of victimization.

Labeling somebody as a “narcissist” does not give you social skills. Although it could be the BEGINNING of social skills.

Labeling yourself as an “empath” will not help you to benefit from whatever GIFT you have as an empath. Yes, GIFT! When that talent as an empath is used with skill, life goes so much better!

Empaths, Don’t Fear Narcissists. Reason #5:

Many people think it’s enough to just call yourself an empath. Sorry, it isn’t.

Likewise many people today think they have pretty much mastered yoga if they carry a yoga mat and coconut water. Now that one’s just ridiculous, right?

Learning about your empath gifts (which we are doing, bit by bit, at my Facebook group to support empaths) is only the first part of becoming a skilled empath. Sadly most empaths haven’t managed even that much. No wonder so many are feeling bad, seeking consolation as victims, or confusing empathic-sounding encouragesment for victims with helping empaths to get skills.

My system of Empath Empowerment® is not the only method that works. But it does work.

If you want to become a skilled empath, using this particular trademarked system, what is the fastest way that still works? Use the version of my Empath Empowerment Program in this Quick & Easy book for empath’s self-help.

Empaths, Don’t Fear Narcissists. Reason #6:

Empath or Not, All Adults Can Benefit from Developing a Life Skills Toolbox

At the Facebook Group for Empath Empowerment, BRENDA wrote, “I do pull from many different models when it comes to my personal ‘toolbox’.”

This is so wise.

Empath Empowerment Skills help an empath to stop taking on Imported STUFF.

And if you go on to become a Master Empath, then you can safely get huge and accurate insights about people — either in person or from photos — from doing a Skilled Empath Merge. Another fine fit for your personal toolbox.

Even within the field of Energy Spirituality, there are plenty of different skills besides Empath Empowerment®. For instance, check out our Online Workshops.

Lots of skills are needed because personal development is just a bit more complicated than posting something really cute on Instagram.

Empaths, Don’t Fear Narcissists. Reason #8:

Realistic Thinking Can Help You More than Calling Folks “Narcissists.”

Maybe you find out you’re an empath BEFORE a relationship becomes a problem. Maybe you find out AFTER.

Either way, if you find yourself in a horrible relationship, will blaming solve anything?

  • “I was in a horrible relationship. I can blame being an empath.” — Sadly, being in a horrible relationship is hardly unique to empaths.
  • “I was in a horrible relationship. I can blame the narcissist.” — Not acknowledging your free will. Not taking responsibility.
  • “I have developed some skills as an empath. I’m still suffering. So empath skills don’t protect me against narcissists.” — Not fair. Not true. Not helpful

Because if you are in a horrible relationship, of course you will suffer.

Likewise if you dip your legs into a swimming pool, they will get wet. It’s not as though empath skills are going to protect you against that, either.

Empath Empowerment Skills WILL make you more whole, with a stronger sense of identity. What you do with that is up to you.

In Conclusion

Don’t fear narcissists. But do gain Empath Empowerment.

This video summarizes my approach. If it helps you, please give it a thumb’s up.

And be sure to ask your questions, using COMMENT boxes below.

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  1. 1
    Kira says:

    One point I wanted to make over at the FB group (but forgot) is that I think narcissists preferentially victimize people who are empathetic, not necessarily people who are empathic.

    Really nice post, Rose.

  2. 2

    KIRA, thank you.

    And what an astute observation you have just made. I wonder, would you be willing to write a bit here about the difference between people who are empathetic OR empathic versus being an EMPATH?

  3. 3
    Kira says:

    I’m short on time, so I might wind up cutting corners in this explanation, but I’m using “empathetic” to refer to people who have the common, everyday form of empathy in which they attempt to put themselves in another person’s shoes to better understand where that person is coming from.

  4. 4
    Kira says:

    I’m using “empathic” as the adjective form of being an empath, i.e., having empath gifts.

  5. 5
    Kira says:

    I don’t think it matters to a narcissist whether you’re an empath, with any of the empath gifts Rose describes; what matters is that you want to understand the narcissist.

    I do think HSPs are more likely to be narcissists’ victims than non-HSPs.

  6. 6
    Sarah says:

    So great to see this post, Rose. And I really like the bold part of what Kira says in comment #5: what matters is that you want to understand the narcissist.

    In general, this makes a lot of sense to me. An HSP (who also happens to be an empath with only Plant empath ability, for example) and an HSP with no empath ability–why would a narcissist target one over the other?

  7. 7
    Sarah says:

    And maybe going one step further, along the lines of Kira’s comment: even a highly compassionate individual, perhaps with some kind of strong “I must try to understand and be nice to everybody” beliefs… Who is not an HSP… Seems like a narcissist would be just as likely to end up hurting this sort of person. (I know and love some people like this!)

    It seems to me that it’s less about how you’re wired (physiologically or in consciousness) and more about how you choose to use that wiring. And it may be extra common for empaths/HSP’s to choose to use their wiring to be sympathetic to those who hurt them… But it certainly doesn’t have to me!

    And kudos to Rose for teaching skills which help empaths specifically to position their consciousness in a way to help break that habit. 🙂

  8. 8
    Isabella C. says:

    I think that is a brilliant observation, Kira.

    That’s a great thing about aura reading. You can satisfy your curiosity about any person or type of person without having to be personally involved.

    It can really take the charge off of that “wanting to understand” thing, and free you up to have a much better personal life, with people who treat you well.

  9. 9
    Sarah says:

    One last comment on the subject: Thank you for continuing to blog occasionally on the relationship between narcissists/icky people and empaths, Rose.

    I am sure that it’s not your favorite topic ;), but it is actually how I found my way to your work.

  10. 10
    Sarah says:

    I was engrossed in weeks of googling all about “narcissists” and “psychopaths” and trying to understand “why do they keep picking on meeeee??”

    And (more important to me at the time): “How can I figure out what is really going on with them so I can love them anyway?” (Hahaha!

    As if the second question didn’t answer the first…)

  11. 11
    Sarah says:

    And if I hadn’t found one of your earlier posts on the topic (https://www.rose-rosetree.com/blog/2011/08/17/perpetrator-lifetime-psychopath-sociopath-psychic-vampire/) which smashed just about every conception I had at the time and introduced me to your work, I might still be pretty miserable.

    So thank you, again.

  12. 12
    Kira says:

    Thanks, Sarah and Isabella.

  13. 13
    Kira says:

    Sarah, yes, I wound up shortening my original sentence. I had typed “Because of that, I do think HSPs are more likely….”; the “that” referred to wanting to understand the narcissist.

    You picked up on exactly what I meant with your example of a non-HSP still trying to understand such a person and getting victimized. It just seems to me that HSPs are more likely to try to understand difficult people.

  14. 14
    Kira says:

    And, Sarah, glad you’ve found Rose and are not so miserable any more!

  15. 15
    Mel says:

    A pet peeve of mine is people playing arm chair psychiatrist and diagnosing every mean person with a personality disorder (which narcissism is). No. Sometimes people are just mean. Treatment doesn’t change that.

  16. 16
    Suz says:

    THANK YOU, Mel.

    As a person who grew up with one as a parent, it irks me no end to see what people are now conveniently calling a “narcissist.”

    “Narcissist” also seems to be the current name to call anyone who doesn’t agree with us or our point of view.

  17. 17
    David B says:

    It’s worth noting that “trying to understand” is related to wanting to help. It may even be related to wanting to fix others. Which can even show up as psychic coercion.

    The “help” spectrum can be messy in both giving and receiving. 😉

  18. 18
    David B says:

    Great article, Rose. Quite enjoyed the humorous touch too.

    My only flag would be “for as Long as You Need to”.

  19. 19
    David B says:

    While I understand that on the one hand, people should take as long as they need to take to process it.

    However a lot of people are not conscious of when they shift from processing time to investment time.

    Then, rather than completing the processing, they’re shifting into investing in their victimhood.

  20. 20
    David B says:

    An I’m an ’empath victim’ story is written and told over and over.

    The fish story grows and takes on its own reality.

  21. 21
    David B says:

    At some point, if its resolving, this gets boring.

    But for others, they keep telling the story for the rest of their lives.

    And now they have online communities that can help fester that for them. 😉

  22. 22
    David B says:

    I’ve seen a few such forums degrade into the regretters, rejectors, and reactionaries, all invested in their victimhood.

    So – yes, give yourself time to resolve but careful that it’s a letting go, not a growing.

    Flowers need allowing, weeds, not so much. 😉

  23. 23
    Primmie says:

    The narcissists I’ve met in my life have been very helpful really.

    Although I say that with the benefit of my experiences having happened almost a decade ago.

  24. 24
    Primmie says:

    It wasn’t pleasant to see how low my self-esteem was, and that became obvious in those relationships.

    I felt a lot of shame when I was forced to see how manipulative and dishonest I was myself.

  25. 25
    Primmie says:

    Engaging with dysfunctional people really brings my own spiteful crazyness to the surface.

    That wasn’t pleasant, but it was useful to me and enlightening.

  26. 26
    Primmie says:

    Looking back on those experiences, the narcissists were catalysts for me.

    After dealing with one at work, I set up my own studio.

    After dealing with another, I set out on the journey that led me to being a mother.

  27. 27
    Primmie says:

    Those interactions flagged up the parts of me that needed attention, and I’m glad I did indeed pay attention.

    Life is much sweeter and easier for having done that.

  28. 28

    How I am loving all these comments, Blog-Buddies. Here is something wild: I have just copied some of these wise comments of yours over to the Empath Empowerment Skills Group.

    Ugh, there are no urls for different posts but it is the one I put up today and it will be “Pinned” to the top for 24 hours.

    I’m assuming that all of you who have been first-named and quoted there… feel complimented. If not send me a comment or email and I’ll make tht quote go away. Am still learning about Netiquette and Facebook-face-saving!

  29. 29
    Christine says:

    I have to say some of the comments I am reading bother me.. and I am sure some of the comments are from people who never experienced narcissistic abuse. I feel like victims are being mocked..

    I was abused for two years online from a malignant narcissistic empath.. She abused me psychologically and emotionally. I was gaslighted and having the silent treatment done to me on a regular basis. My soul and spirit was broken down to pieces.

    Unless you have been a victim of a narcissist then don’t tell someone how long they should play the victim role.. they are a victim until they are recovered and become a survivor!

    In my experience there is a process in recovery and it goes in stages.. when you are recovering from the abuse..

    1. Confusion
    2. Trying to understand what just happened
    3. Grieving and Mourning
    4. Anger
    5. Forgiveness
    6. Spirituality
    7. Understanding That It Wasn’t Your Fault
    8. Resolution and Moving On
    9. Victim to Survivor

    This is some not all.. only what I can think of for now..

    In my recovery I got stuck in the anger stage for too long.. I found it hard for me to move past it to recovery.. I had to stay off the Internet for a while and do a lot of soul searching.. until I moved on and was able to forgive the person. My recovery took me a little over two years.. and I am no longer the same person! In my recovery I had to keep talking about it because my brain could not comprehend what I went thru.. talking about it over and over is part of the healing process.. no matter how long that may be!

    Each person goes thru their own journey in healing and it is a slow process. Some are abused to the extreme and don’t come back from it at all.. some commit suicide.

    “And now they have online communities that can help fester that for them.” Those online communities are there to help people recover and understand what they went thru. It is also to educate them.. People can take how ever long they need to heal.

    I guess some of you people have no idea of the severity of abuse someone endures from a narcissist.. it is soul rape!

    I am one of the lucky ones to be able to be where I am today.. and to be able to help other victims..

    Be thankful.. that you never had to go thru that experience!

  30. 30

    CHRISTINE, thank you for sharing your experience.

    Clearly we agree on the suffering. You wrote, “Unless you have been a victim of a narcissist then don’t tell someone how long they should play the victim role.”

    And I had written in Point #2 at the main article: “It’s Important to Feel Like a Victim for as Long as You Need to.”

  31. 31

    Consider the possibility, CHRISTINE, that there will come a time when you don’t need to share your story with people. As we agree — and it’s only common sense — only you will be the one to decide when to move on from that phase of your personal development.

    I can tell you that I have helped victims in personal sessions, private ones. They have moved very far away from needing to tell their story. Or to help others who are dealing with narcissists. Or to volunteer to tell their story in the hope that it will help others who have not asked for that help.

    That includes some regular contributors to this blog, BTW. You don’t know who they are, CHRISTINE, because they aren’t commenting here with details about their histories. They have put behind them, in a healthy way, being victimized by narcissists.

    They aren’t telling their stories of victimization because doing so isn’t relevant to particular topics that we are discussing together at “Deeper Perception Made Practical.”

  32. 32

    Certainly the purpose of this blog post was to help empaths understand that becoming a skilled empath is completely different from being an empath who fears narcissists.

    Or is in recovery from victimization cause by narcissists.

    In your heartfelt comment, CHRISTINE, I think you have confirmed that Point #2. As long as you need to tell the story, tell the story.

    This does not bring Empath Empowerment skills. Only when you feel ready to move on from that — as you rightly noted, a very personal decision — can a person even HEAR what is said about becoming a skilled empath.

  33. 33
    Primmie says:

    Christine, I have been through that experience. My husband had a brain tumour in his 30’s and at the time I found dealing with a Narcissist was worse than cancer. I wouldn’t intentionally mock anyone who has been abused by someone with NPD.

    Life goes on though and change means these things no longer have the power they used to.

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