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Living with Roomates as a Skilled Empath. A Guest Post from BEVERLY

For this skilled empath, a stronger sense of self while with others

For this skilled empath, a stronger sense of self while with others

Empath skills, real skills developed expressly for empaths, make such a difference. Today’s guest post serves as a reminder of how practical these skills can be. If you’re an empath, and you’ve ever had roommates, you’ll want to read this guest post by BEVERLY.

Here’s BEVERLY’s story of her new shared space, and how Empath Empowerment® helps her to share it better.

My First Time Meeting New People as a SKILLED Empath

I recently moved into a shared house with four other people. I didn’t know any of them beforehand but after meeting them (and doing some Thrill Your Soul Aura Research with Rose) I decided it was a good fit for me. This is the first time for me as a (mostly) skilled empath getting to know someone new. It’s quite different!

  • I don’t have any insider knowledge on what my housemates are thinking or feeling. (My strongest people-related empath gifts are Emotional Oneness and Intellectual Empath Ability).
  • What if someone is upset with me and I don’t realize it?
  • How can I fix a problem that I don’t know exists?

These are some of the worries I subconsciously had previous to this experience.

However What’s Actually Happening

I suggested, and my housemates enthusiastically agreed, to have weekly meetings so we have a dedicated forum for raising any issues.

At the last one, we talked about the kitchen storage – it was not very equally allocated.

One housemate, I’ll call him Joe, isn’t very good about organizing his space. He’ll take up any space available.

Previously he’d mentioned a few times that he was fine to move his stuff, he just needed us to tell him where to go.

I was quite vocal about making sure the storage space was even, and I asked each one if they were okay with the reallocation.

By the end of the meeting, I noticed Joe was really quiet, and I was a bit concerned that maybe he was upset about how forthright and insistent I was about it.

Before empath skills, I would have started doing unskilled empath merges and worrying that he was mad at me, trying to figure out how to solve the “problem.”

With skills, I waited until the next morning (since it was quite late in the evening when the meeting finished) and then found out he was sick in bed with a cold.

Yes, he’d been quiet but it wasn’t a problem with me. He was just tired, not feeling well and wanting to just go to sleep.

Now that he’s feeling better, he’s shifted his storage around and we’ve had some nice chats about that and other things.

How Relaxing It Can Be to Shallow Up!

It’s so nice to be able to just stay on the surface and not to have to try to see and fix “problems” everywhere! I can let my housemates do their thing, visit and ask questions about how they’re doing when I see them and then go back to doing my own thing.

Such a refreshing change!

Refreshing, Yet It’s Definitely Different to Use Empath Skills

It takes longer to get to know people this way. I also suspect that I won’t know many people as well as I would have before.

Now, in order to really know someone’s inner thoughts and feelings, I have to:

  • Talk to them.
  • Ask questions.
  • Build a relationship where they feel comfortable opening up to me that way (and me to them).

Many people I just don’t resonate that well with, so our relationships just won’t end up being that close.

I used to wonder how people could have acquaintances. I only had strangers or people I knew very, very well. Now I see how that can work.

And I’m very okay with that. I don’t need to know all the details of everyone I meet.

My life will be much richer if I can consciously focus on those relationships I choose to invest in.

Plus, those close friends will know that we have that deep of a relationship, instead of me behind the scenes having all sorts of insider insight without there ever being a conscious exchange and deepening of the friendship.

Skilled Empath Merge Consoles Me

I am glad that I have options for deeper perception with Skilled Empath Merges and aura reading, as it would be quite difficult to convince myself to not do unskilled merges if I didn’t. I do feel like I’m going into these new relationships blind.

On the one hand, I love having this intensely strong sense of myself. I’m so refreshingly aware of what is in my world, my sphere of influence, what I’m able to take action on, what I’m responsible for.

It’s lovely to just not worry about what others are going through, and the minute ups and downs of their inner landscapes.

However there’s a sense of loss too.

  • A forced lack of superiority — I’m not more special than them.
  • I have to stand in these relationships as the true self I am. Maybe they’ll like me, maybe not. I don’t have a cheat sheet anymore for the “test.”
  • I can’t game the interaction by making sure I give them what they’re looking for.

This is a good thing. It makes me stretch and grow and become both more humble and more truly myself. It does feel scary sometimes, though. I feel more vulnerable this way.

Growing Extra Fast Now, As a Skilled Empath

I still have so much to learn, so many real-world social skills to practice and perfect.

For example, I’m still learning how to stop a conversation when I’m done but the other person isn’t yet.

And the social skill of how to stop a discussion and agree to disagree, without either insisting on “winning” the argument at all cost or stifling myself by shutting down my expression of my perspective.

I suspect that some of this will be an ongoing learning in each new relationship. I doubt social skills are a static plateau that I will, one day, achieve!

Living as a skilled empath means that most of the time my empath gifts are OFF. This is a dramatically different lifestyle, and a very improved quality of life, and that doesn’t even count the whole no-Imported-STUFF aspect!

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  1. 1
    Isabelle says:

    So, so thankful for this post, Beverly. Great insights.

  2. 2
    Cathy says:

    Nicely put!

  3. 3
    Beverly says:

    Thanks for your kind words, Isabelle and Cathy 🙂

  4. 4
    Kira says:

    Beverly, I share your strongest 2 gifts. I haven’t had a situation like yours, but I definitely understand!

    Very inspiring!

  5. 5
    Amanda says:

    This is an excellent post, Beverley. Thank you for sharing in such a detailed and descriptive way.

    Genuinely inspiring and honest – oh gosh I resonaye with the loss of specialness you describe when you switch empathy off.

    🙂 Thank you!

    Amanda

  6. 6
    Dana K. says:

    Thanks for sharing your wisdom here! I can really relate to this. Although I am not quite skilled yet.

    Letting go of the ups and downs of other people’s emotional experiences, not trying to fix them or make things OK before our interaction ends, how refreshing!!

  7. 7
    Kylie says:

    Interesting article Beverly.

    I live in shared housing, and I am so glad that I gained empath skills prior to moving in with them.

    It has also been hugely helpful to cut cords to those roommates.

  8. 8
    Kylie says:

    It really is amazing what a different experience it is, to living with housemates in college when I was an unskilled empath.

    This quote especially resonates with me

    “Plus, those close friends will know that we have that deep of a relationship, instead of me behind the scenes having all sorts of insider insight without there ever being a conscious exchange and deepening of the friendship.”

  9. 9
    Kylie says:

    So many of the people I knew in college, I assumed were deep friends because I did unskilled empath merges with them all the time.

    In hindsight I know that they saw me really differently and probably did not consider us friends…

  10. 10
    Beverly says:

    Thanks, Kira, Amanda, Dana K, and Kylie. It’s so great to know I’m not alone in this journey 🙂

  11. 11
    Joyce says:

    This post gave words to a few things that I have experienced. Thanks, Beverly.

    “I can’t game the interaction by making sure I give them what they’re looking for.”

    In hindsight, I now realize how often I would do this.

  12. 12
    Joyce says:

    Sometimes it may have been the wise thing to do considering the circumstance and others it was just staying on someone’s good side, not wanting to rock the boat (and creating resentment and frustration by not expressing what I truly wanted – or even knowing what “I” wanted).

  13. 13
    Joyce says:

    “I feel more vulnerable this way.”

    Yes! I’ve had that feeling a few times in the past few days.

    I’ve noticed I’m starting to speak at times when I usually wouldn’t, not always trying to gauge how to be based on what I think I know about the other person’s likes/dislikes.

  14. 14
    Joyce says:

    “..stifling myself by shutting down my expression of my perspective.”

    Quite some time ago, I was explaining to a coach about how I would often minimize myself at work, particularly in meetings, and couldn’t explain why.

    I wanted to “show up” but felt a struggle in doing so.

  15. 15
    Joyce says:

    This was before I knew what an empath was so I surely didn’t know I was one.

    Now, I know there were other specialized skills (empath skills) I needed to gain that didn’t relate to the usual professional development.

  16. 16
    Joyce says:

    This journey feels like such a transformation. A different way to experience life.

    It sure helps to have access to this type of community that shares their experiences!

  17. 17

    And you add A LOT to this community, JOYCE. What perceptive comments!

  18. 18
    Beverly says:

    Joyce, such a great description. Being an empath and then trying to learn standard social, personal and professional development skills is so confusing until empath skills are also learned. Nothing works the way I was taught it would (because those skill sets were designed by and for non-empaths).

    But after getting empath skills, those other skill sets start to actually work! So much more fun. Except for realizing how much work I need to do on my social skills, lol!

  19. 19

    All these comments are so great, everyone!!!!!!!

    Special applause goes to this gem from the last comment, BEVERLY.

    I’m going to quote most of this over at the Facebook group for Empath Empowerment Skills. Brilliantly put.

  20. 20
    Sarah says:

    Agree, Rose!

    Beverly, THIS: “Nothing works the way I was taught it would (because those skill sets were designed by and for non-empaths).

    But after getting empath skills, those other skill sets start to actually work! So much more fun.”

    So true. So well-stated!

  21. 21
    Beverly says:

    Thanks, Rose. *blushes*

  22. 22
    David B says:

    Thanks, Beverly.
    Very insightful. My blend is a bit different but I can certainly relate.

    And the “skills designed for non-empaths” insight is very good too.

  23. 23
    David B says:

    I also noticed the disconnect that would happen when I was relating to people differently than they where relating to me.

    For me, there wasn’t a sense of loss but there was a sense it wasn’t safe to not know.

  24. 24

    Fascinating catch in that Comment #23, DAVID B.: “A sense it wasn’t safe to not know.”

    In “The Empowered Empath” there’s a whole section about the need to supplement how you feel (self-authority) with knowledge and skill.

    This is a perfect example. Until you understood the negative consequences of doing the habitual unskilled empath merges, plenty of erroneous ideas like that could creep in. Self-authority was good, but without skill and knowledge we can run into problems.

  25. 25

    And seems to me there’s a related point here, too, for all who seek Enlightenment.

    A higher state of consciousness solves a lot of problems, but not the ones that can only be solved at the human level. Such as learning skills of Empath Empowerment®.

    DAVID B., both of us studied with the same guru back in the day, and both of us were promised things like “Spontaneous right action.” there you were in Enlightenment, so presumably you had that in a cosmic sense. Yet how right was it FOR YOU, humanly, to be doing those unskilled empath merges?

  26. 26

    If you don’t mind my making this point thoroughly, and using you as a very fancy sort of example…

    There you were, in Enlightenment. Yet, lacking the consciousness-related-skill for humans, how to turn your empath gifts OFF, that spontaneous right action wasn’t as good as it is now, since you’ve developed solid skills as an empath.

    Fascinating… eh? (Ooh, hope I gave that “eh” just the Canadian-ish joyful quality.)

  27. 27
    David B says:

    Agreed, Rose.
    It was very clear to me that there were negative effects.

    I would experience taking on the Stuff, then processing it away. But the old habit was to “make sure”.

    It was a surprise when I realized this was safety related. Something I picked up as a kid.

  28. 28
    David B says:

    Not sure I would frame it as “self-authority” though. More like self-insecurity. (laughs)

  29. 29
    David B says:

    Fully agreed on skills. While I gained more clarity over time post-awakening, the skills to stop picking it up in the first place didn’t magically appear. In fact, it wasn’t even clear to me how I was picking it up. That habits where still unconscious.

    Your books have given me lots of Doh! movements (to quote an “American.”)

    You don’t learn French or how to fly a helicopter by becoming enlightened. Nor do you automatically learn other skills.

  30. 30
    David B says:

    Enlightenment can open knowledge doors that let you download complex information. But human-level skills have to be learned by a human. By doing.

  31. 31
    David B says:

    On spontaneous right action – that is an interesting subject indeed.

    What motivates us to action? Our energy. That has everything to do with Stuff.

    For awakening to happen we have to be free enough of Stuff for the clarity, but not so much for the right action.

  32. 32
    David B says:

    That takes time and a maturation so that clarity can seep into all the corners.

    But it can get progressively better meantime, so we make far fewer “mistakes”.

    But as the Enlightenment Life List correspondence reveals, even the very awake can have a shadow or 2 remaining. Enough to make very big mistakes indeed. Discrimination still required.

  33. 33
    David B says:

    Free of Stuff doesn’t mean perfect. Still human.

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