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Paying the Price of Beauty. A Guest Post by LYNETTE

Even natural beauty, without vanity, comes at a price

Even natural beauty, without vanity, comes at a price

I turned 30 recently and for my birthday, I got myself a face reading with Rose. I got more than I bargained for.

A face reading isn’t really about faces, it’s about living. I got some confirming and surprising information about my life and how I’ve chosen to live it.  But I also got some unexpected feedback about my face itself: that I am beautiful, symmetrical, bright eyed, great skin, you name it.

I’ve gotten powerful reactions from people my entire life and because of that, it took someone else to tell me that these reactions are odd:

  • The almost constant bullying when I hit puberty
  • The island of space around me at parties from people who don’t see me as a potential partner
  • The sharp reactions of spouses when they catch me talking to their significant other
  • And people constantly assuming I am way younger than I am.

I notice it sometimes myself.

In a room filled with beautiful, interesting faces that look like they’ve really lived, I glow – a pale beacon of youth and symmetry, a clone. 

There’s an app that guesses your age based on your face; I’m in my thirties and the app guessed I’m 19.

It’s been months and month since my birthday when Rose said I might want to write something about this (and years before I sent this to her).

I’ve procrastinated because we live in such a beauty-worshiping culture. Supposedly, how could anyone who has been “gifted” in this way complain?

But more than beauty, humans like conformity.  We punish anyone who sits on the outskirts of the bell curve on any particular trait.

I will never, at least while I’m young, walk through a room without a fair amount of notice.

Many others will always assume I am younger, dumber, and less experienced than I am. I think I was holding my breath, waiting for my face to change and look like the people around me who have “real lives” and thus get a real life myself. But this is it.

Beauty is prized in our culture, and I have learned to take advantage of the gifts it gives me; but it is also comes with a downside – mainly since being remarkable in any way means that you are remarked upon. Freely. Often. And sometimes aggressively. 

Rose Adds Two Photos

These are not pictures of LYNETTE, who has asked to be anonymous here.

But here are a couple of photos of somebody known to many of you long-time readers of the blog, EVGENIA whose Comment #9 (below) might shock you. Because these pictures really don’t do her justice, but you can get an idea.

Evgenia after ceremony

And…

Cords Evgenia, laser position 1

 

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  1. 1
    Cathy says:

    It’s true, and unfortunately doesn’t say much for a lot of people’s self-confidence or ability to look below the surface.
    Thank you for sharing xx

  2. 2
    Isabella Cates says:

    Thanks for your perspective Lynette. Brave.

  3. 3

    This is so similar to the issues that come up with fame and money! Thanks for this brave post.

    PS My mother was very beautiful. My dad said that his father always told him, look for the most beautiful girl, she’s the one you can ask out, the other guys will be too intimidated.

  4. 4
    Alan says:

    Yeah it’s not fair being treated differently for the way you look.

    You didn’t choose to look that way, you were born with those genes.

    You’ve done the right thing accepting your privilege, and using it for good (for example, since people easily notice you, you can use that to be an effective good role model for society)–just don’t let those other superficial judgers bring you down 🙂

  5. 5
    Kira says:

    Great post, Lynette.

    I’m not stunningly beautiful, but I can relate to looking younger; a high-schooler once asked me out when I was 25 because he thought I was his age.

    And my high-school best friend had huge breasts and was constantly treated as a sex object.

    I have experienced being thought younger and dumber, and my friend experienced constantly being remarked upon, often aggressively.

  6. 6
    Kira says:

    (She also experienced being thought dumber, but she was thought older during high school, which had its own issues.)

  7. 7
    David B says:

    Thanks for sharing, Lynette.
    When I worked in TV and film, I saw similar. Some of the beautiful end up as actors. And find themselves seen entirely by their appearance and unapproachable.

    Reminds me of this song. 🙂
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TmmSAFWhyu0

  8. 8
    David B says:

    Looking young for your age becomes more beneficial later in life.
    🙂

  9. 9
    Evgenia Brodyagina says:

    I never considered myself beautiful because I was never told so and I do not feel myself beautiful most of the time. But with Rose kindly pointing this out I feel like I need to explore that part of me.

    After reading this post I understand why people that I do not know well do not say anything to me, they are afraid and form a bubble around me.

  10. 10
    Kira says:

    David:

    1. I love that song.
    2. Now that I’m 47, it’s fun to tell people my real age. My vigor and looks both have them convinced I’m younger.

  11. 11
    David B says:

    I’ve grown a rather gray beard which makes a difference. But without it, I’m seen as much younger.

  12. 12
    David B says:

    Evgenia
    That surprises me, from the pictures I’ve seen on the blog.

  13. 13
    Irene says:

    Lynette, thanks for this post!

    It’s a really difficult topic to talk about. Most reply with a “I wish I had your problem, ingrate!”

    And I am grateful. I’m delighted to be who I am, but it certainly can be challenging.

  14. 14
    Irene says:

    I don’t consider myself particularly beautiful. Yet something about me attracts attention. And whatever it is certainly exacts a price.

  15. 15
    Irene says:

    Prices like:
    – Being put on a pedestal and the subsequent fallout when I make a mistake or don’t know the answer.

    – The embarrassment and awkwardness of getting an inordinate amount or inappropriate level of attention.

  16. 16
    Irene says:

    – Wariness with new friendships – do they actually see me or just some imagined version of me? (Of course, Stuff doesn’t do me any favors here either!)

    – Needing to be really careful about what I say – it has more influence than I imagine.

  17. 17
    Irene says:

    That’s a very apropos song, but one which I don’t care for.

    Using my own words to paraphrase:
    “She’s blood, flesh and bone, but somehow I can’t believe”. . .

    . . . that she’s actually human, that she has feelings, that she needs to be loved and cared about, to be laughed with and listened to and argued with. That she needs to be a person to you and not simply an object.

  18. 18
    Irene says:

    (Sorry to take the song so seriously, but it’s a bit of a touchy subject for me.)

  19. 19
    Kylie says:

    For a long time I really wanted to be beautiful. It did not dawn on me until I was in my 30’s that there might be a price for that. Great post!

  20. 20

    DAVID B, about that Comment #12, isn’t that wild?

    At this blog I don’t have photos of LYNETTE on my blog, or of two other women among my clients who are also so beautiful, they’re better looking than most female movie stars.

    And all four of these women just LOOK that way naturally; they didn’t pay for it with cosmetic surgery. The same for two men I think of among my clients.

    And that statistic doesn’t even include male and female clients who are notably exquisite, really good looking, cute, sexy, etc.

  21. 21

    I’m going back to the main post and add some photos of EVEGENIA, just so you’all can get the idea of what I mean by “beautiful.”

  22. 22
    Lilian says:

    Well, from what Rose says about the qualities that bring about a symmetrical, classical beautiful face, the modesty is not surprising.

  23. 23
    Lilian says:

    That’s all a reflection of being considerate, balanced and able to adapt to situations: not too much of one quality or another… The perfect people to be friends with, not to be jealous of. 🙂

  24. 24
    Lilian says:

    Am I about right in my face-reading summary, Rose?

    As much as you need people in this world who have my recessive chin (and who love taking responsibility for everything…) you need people who are stronger at bossing other people about, or who can go between the two extremes in a balanced way. 🙂

  25. 25

    IRENE, thank you for all your comments here.

    About that Comment #18, you have every right to take any song seriously, any idea seriously, any reaction of yours seriously. If you can’t exercise that basic human right, who else will take you seriously?

    Really, shame on anyone who has told any of you Blog-Buddies, “Don’t take yourself so seriously.”

    Ways to talk about “taking yourself seriously” include SELF-AUTHORITY and PASSION.

  26. 26
    Lilian says:

    Kira: I would have never guessed your age from your posts. You have a lot of imagination and vivacity. 🙂 I also communicate with a lot of youthful innocence, which makes me seem younger. (I’m 32 so the older end of young.)

  27. 27
    Lilian says:

    Rose pointed out that my lip texture hasn’t hardened or something, so I communicate with the wide-eyedness of the eternal teenager.

  28. 28

    In response to that Comment #24, LILIAN, YES!

    Seems to me, you have been reading “The NEW Power of Face Reading,” which is designed to help every reader gain more respect for your physical face… and how it ties in with your current talents in life.

  29. 29
    Lilian says:

    I’m doing face reading all the time Rose… it’s a good hobby to take up. 🙂

  30. 30
    Irene says:

    Thank you, Rose.

    I want to take that reframe to heart because I do tend to take things quite seriously. And some folks in my life get a little tired of it.

    The things we say matter though, most especially the underlying assumptions. So thanks for the new way to think about it 🙂

  31. 31
    Irene says:

    I wonder – what would be other causes of consistently attracting unwanted attention from strangers?

  32. 32
    Irene says:

    I’m not sure if this is a useful path to explore. Except that I don’t think I’m this traffic-stoppingly beautiful.

    Yet reactions from others to something about me mean I’ve definitely perfected “back-off, stay-away” body language. I know that I frequently come across as intimidating. And I clearly reacted really strongly to being able to talk about this concept.

    So I’m curious if there are other options for what this might be.

  33. 33
    Christine says:

    It is nice to see inside the mind of a beautiful person. I’m still jealous of them but this post reminds me that they are people too.

    Although I can relate to Lynette on being noticed for having exceptionally clear skin due mostly to genetics.

  34. 34
  35. 35
    David B says:

    re: comment 25
    Well, Rose, I did need to learn to lighten up a little. It is balancing to have a sense of humor about it all…

    🙂

  36. 36
    David B says:

    Interesting comments, Irene.

    Seems to me, much of your list is also true of fame, wealth, and any place where someone may be idealized, like enlightenment.

    I’ve known a few very wealthy people and they’ve struggled with some of this too.

  37. 37
    Rosanna Tufts says:

    One effective way of getting-around the “curse” of beauty, is to use it in service of a cause you care about, to call attention to the plight of unfortunates. Your cause could be abused animals, children with cancer, disabled veterans, or whomever.

    Princess Diana was a master of this kind of thing. Heck, if I were a rich and beautiful celebrity, I would set up a foundation to benefit dentistry for low-income people.

  38. 38
    Rachel says:

    Lynette, what an interesting post! What I really like about this topic is how ‘real world’ it is, refreshingly different from the traditional New Age hum that ‘beauty is within’ :-).

    I’m also struck by how this series of posts started, with Rose’s suggestion that many things we admire in others have been earned in previous lifetimes. Gorgeousness being one example.

  39. 39
    Rachel says:

    It reminded me of Rose’s reading of the French actress Marion Cotillard, who has clearly learned how to be more than comfortable with being super beautiful.

    I just looked the post up, and this is what Rose wrote for Marion’s soul thrill:

  40. 40
    Rachel says:

    “Aura Reading Databank at the High Chakra for Soul Thrill
    Reading Marion Cotillard’s aura as herself

    Fills the room. There she is, being photographed gorgeously at the Cannes Film Festival. On top of her game. On top of the world. The most beautiful woman anywhere near.

    Sweetly, and with a sort of humility, Marion Cotillard feels so very happy to be living her life right now.

    As usual, she isn’t stuck up about her charisma, beauty, sex appeal, impact on others. At a soul level, this is exactly the life she planned and prepared for. And earned.

    Gently and serenely, Marion Cotillard is having such a wonderful time.”

  41. 41
    Rachel says:

    Seems to me, Marion C is an excellent role model for how to enjoy being beautiful (if you happen to be beautiful, of course).

    It’s a reward that you’ve earned 🙂

  42. 42
    Evgenia says:

    Sweet kind Rose!

    The person that introduced myself to myself in objective reality!

    Not even mentioning all of the sessions that dealt with my subjective confusions.

  43. 43
    Evgenia says:

    With other people I always had to insist on friendships, relationships and my place in their lives.

    People don’t like to let me go once they know me well but the initial rejection is always there for me. Always!

  44. 44
    Evgenia says:

    And Rose was the first person who was and is so strong that she can afford to be kind and say nice words to me.

    That was when I started realizing that I was ok. When I am next to Rose I know that I am fantastic, I feel it. But knowing that I am ok when I am around people helps me stay sane at least.

  45. 45
    Evgenia says:

    When you are evolving and getting better there are fewer and fewer people that can appreciate your growth.

    Like with antique; old vase can be beautiful but if there is nobody to appreciate each detail on it, that vase is going to stay at the store.

  46. 46

    What lovely comments! EVGENIA, I’m so touched.

    You know, you hadn’t mentioned this problem to me before, and it’s just the thing for a future session, ha ha! As you know, personal growth can actually accelerate after Enlightenment. 🙂

  47. 47

    RACHEL, what a brilliant connection to make. Thank you so much for sharing the reference, and for your wise commentary as well.

    For any of you who would like to read the whole article, here’s a link.

  48. 48
    Gia says:

    One thing about problems related to beauty is don’t worry they’ll go away with time. lol.

  49. 49
    Kira says:

    Irene, I love that song in spite of its lyrics. I’m not at all wild about the idea of putting people on a pedestal. But I’ve found that if I like the song’s melody and arrangement enough, I’m not bothered by the lyrics even if I don’t agree with them.

    “Grenade” is a prime example. That relationship is extremely messed up. But I love the song anyway.

  50. 50
    Evgenia says:

    Rose,
    And that session is scheduled already!!!

  51. 51
    Kira says:

    I just wanted to clarify lest you think loving the song means I’m okay with that kind of attitude.

    (I think my appreciation of songs that I disagree with is similar to my enjoyment of acting—it gives me a chance to explore feelings I don’t normally feel.)

  52. 52
    Irene says:

    Such a wonderful conversation here. Thank you everyone.

    And thanks for the ideas in #36, David B.

  53. 53
    Irene says:

    I’m not famous or wealthy or in any social group where I could be idealized, I don’t think.

    Interestingly, today I bought a couple pairs of shoes from a young man who was gorgeous! Not in a trying-hard, stuck-up way, but as described here and how Lynette and Evgenia express themselves: modest, unsure (at the beginning) and just so beautiful.

  54. 54
    Irene says:

    Today, I felt quite frumpy and unattractive in comparison to this young man. (The wrong pants, feeling tired and I really needed to pay more attention to my hair 😉 )

  55. 55
    Irene says:

    I think beauty requires a price to be paid, whichever you end up with.

    Being especially beautiful comes with definite and distinct challenges, as well as opportunities.

    Not being particularly beautiful comes with its own price to be paid and its own possibilities as well.

  56. 56

    About your Comment #32, IRENE, I’m with you. It isn’t a useful path to explore hypothetical reasons for problems.

    Isn’t it interesting how in the valuable but altogether different modality of psychotherapy, certain words have an almost sacred meaning: Explore. Troubling. Concerning.

  57. 57

    By contrast, in Aura Healing sessions of RES, you bring an intention about whichever way you would like to progress emotionally or spiritually or (sometimes) with behavior.

    Then we don’t explore theoretically. Nor do we chat. As you know, right? 😉

    The RES practitioner co-creates with your choice of Divine Being to locate the most relevant kind of STUFF in your aura, as you are right now. We remove that STUFF and then add PUT-IN that supports the expression of your soul.

    Aura healing can be instantaneous, permanent; and it’s always individual.

  58. 58

    Regarding Comment #35, DAVID B, honestly! You’re not arrogant about it but quite the reverse, so consistently incognito about your state of consciousness.

    And your role in this world, having lived more years in Enlightenment than pre-Enlightenment. And also for so many years in one or another very advanced unfoldment of Enlightenment.

  59. 59

    Seems to me, whenever you talk (or do anything) you are expressing the Divine, plus you are generating a path for Enlightenment being lived on earth.

    The same holds true for anyone in Enlightenment, but especially for you because you are living a more advanced stage of Enlightenment than anyone I personally know.

  60. 60

    So if you don’t deserve to take that Self seriously, to honor your needs and wants and current beliefs, who does?

    How sad if anyone has given you the idea you don’t have the right to your individual expressions. They deserve to be taken seriously, every one.

    In your case, really, those words are a blessing for humanity. Even though they’re also just plain words.

  61. 61
    Lilian says:

    Here’s a thing, and I’m sharing because I suspect that other folks on the blog may have similar situations:

    A big talent of mine is to give emotionally.

  62. 62
    Lilian says:

    It’s not a boast, but something I’ve been made aware of in recent years and I have to be aware of the effect this makes on others.

  63. 63
    Lilian says:

    Pluses: I’m very likeable and it’s easy for me to gain the trust of others.

    Certain doors open easily, especially as I work in a field which is not usually synonymous with advanced people skills… lol (Rose, as least as bad as my family members.)

  64. 64
    Lilian says:

    Negs: People grow to expect a certain level of emotional support from me and I’m learning to roll out the emotional support I give to others as I decide they’re worthy of it.

    Otherwise, when I’ve had enough giving to someone and remove this support, they get really cross, angry and resentful. (It’s happened, many times.)

  65. 65
    Lilian says:

    I guess it’s like being beautiful, you make people feel a certain way and this can create distrust, jealousy, longing etc. It’s kinda easier to be average, whatever that means.

  66. 66
    Lilian says:

    It’s weird. Luckily, I’ve found I can emotionally support myself too, so that helps.

    I’m keeping my emotional giving to myself for the time being. :-p

  67. 67
    Lilian says:

    I imagine some of the lovely giving souls on the blog have similar effects on people. Being beautiful is actually one way of giving to others, I reckon, like many gifts.

  68. 68
    Christine says:

    I’m curious, what does a soul do to earn being born beautiful? Or is that nit a train if thought I should follow?

  69. 69
    David B says:

    Height was one thing I’ve been very conscious of. I was told I’d be tall but I was a late bloomer so was small for my age for many years. Finally reached an average height by high school grad. The bloom happened after that.

    The cost for being tall? Harder to be invisible then. (laughs)

  70. 70
    David B says:

    Hit my head on things a lot at first. Counters and such are the wrong height. Chair padding is in the wrong place. Tall clothing is harder to find and often more $.

    But am I complaining? Nope. Just knowing there is a “price to be paid”, a pro and con to everything.

  71. 71
    David B says:

    Kira
    Agreed on songs. Cohen’s Hallelujah is another. Actually, I love music but a lot of popular songs are filled with lyrics of angst and drama, of love that isn’t really, etc.

  72. 72
    David B says:

    Thanks, Rose. But I remain very conscious of my humanity, including it’s quirks and foibles. And I’ve seen how even the very awake can get sidetracked by that.

    I wasn’t saying I don’t have a right to expression. I was only saying it helps to have a little levity about it all.

  73. 73
    David B says:

    Sure – treat it all seriously and with respect. But it helps to have a little lightness about it too. Taking oneself too seriously is what leads to believing in the divinity of ones faults. Or getting a little stuck.

    And don’t forget, joy is one of the first things created. 🙂

  74. 74
    Isabelle says:

    Lilian, I can relate to your comments #61 – #66 very, very much.

    Some people have become angry (on a very subtle level) at me when I stopped rolling out an emotional red carpet for them and started to actually support myself emotionally too.

    I think people can feel ‘home’ emotionally with me, a bit like a mother holding her child in her arms. When this super-comfort is being taken away, they can easily feel a bit lost and get angry.

  75. 75

    CHRISTINE, this isn’t a train of thought that I’m interested in following. I’m with you there.

    You could go to many paranormal-type blogs, undoubtedly, and spend hours in happy speculation.

    But RES is about what will help you to a better life. This life. 😉 And I monitor this blog accordingly.

    Theoretical ideas are mentioned (by me) only to the extent they have bearing on having a better life. This life!

  76. 76
    Lisa K. says:

    Thank you for your post.

    I am 38 and am constantly being approached by young men 20 years old and under.

    I am told I look in my early 20s constantly.

  77. 77
    Lisa K. says:

    Two years ago I lost 80 pounds and found myself in a different societal category.

    There are so many days I wish I could be 220 pounds and invisible again.

    But I am punished for being youthful looking and beautiful.

  78. 78
    Lisa K. says:

    I’ve never received so much attention from extreme opposite ends of the spectrum in my life!

    People want to be beautiful and want to be around beauty, but dislike, resent, don’t trust, underestimate, accuse, and otherwise discriminate against beauty.

  79. 79
    Lisa K. says:

    Looking youthful is awesome except that I’m not taken seriously in business, and when men my age or older approach me and state they thought I was 19-20, it disgusts me to think they would try to date someone so much younger.

  80. 80
    Kristine says:

    I’m really enjoying this post and the comments. Thanks for sharing, Lynette.

    When others are unwilling or unable to pay the price that can translate into resentment. At least it’s one of those indicators that can alert us to who we might not want to be around!

    This statement rings true to me: “But more than beauty, humans like conformity. We punish anyone who sits on the outskirts of the bell curve on any particular trait.” Sometimes we even punish ourselves.

    Of course, there are those who can celebrate our uniqueness, but those accepting folks tend to be fewer in number.

  81. 81
    Morgan says:

    I’ve found the cost for beauty is not being able to believe a man when he expresses interest in me.

    Unfortunately, my theory has proven true (not trusting men’s interest) in that I’m much older and fatter now and have 0 men taking interest in me even though I’m so much more healthy aura-wise. (sigh)

  82. 82
    Rose Rosetree says:

    MORGAN, thanks for sharing your experience so far. May there be more love in your future, love for more about you than your bod.

    And thanks to all who have participated so far in this thread.

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