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Paying the Price as an Empath. A Guest Post by LILIAN

Paying the price for being born as an empath -- uh-oh!

Paying the price for being born as an empath — uh-oh!

Observant LILIAN has combined two separate themes we’ve been exploring lately.

At the end of her insightful guest post 🙂 you can find links to each of the two themes that LILIAN cleverly brings together in the following article.

At Times, I’ve Paid a Price for Being an Unskilled Empath

I thought it was interesting how the series of wonderful blog posts about “paying the price” was being closely followed by a series of blog posts about empath skills.  I thought to write a post to honor the experience of being an empath, even while unskilled, and what I feel I have gained from simply being born with talent as an empath.

Particularly interesting to me was that in one session with Rose I had a question in mind about whether empath gifts were a choice. Rose answered it. “Empath gifts are a choice,” she told me. “They are part of your life contract.”

The message I’ve got from people in the past was that sensitivity is a gift that you get from becoming more evolved and that you can become more sensitive over a lifetime.  I didn’t know how to accept that. (And now I don’t have to.)

Having Empath Talent Doesn’t Make Life Easier Until You Develop Skills to Support Your Talent

I’m not the kind of person who thinks talent means you’re particularly evolved overall.  Be that talent as an empath or anything else.

So thinking that I purposely incarnated as an empath made me grumpy:  I began to worry, “Are my empath gifts part of the karma I’ve decided to pay off in this lifetime?”

Without my being even one single type of empath (let alone several), my family situation would have been sooo much easier to handle.

Being an unskilled empath does bring its share of vulnerability and humiliation.

My poor pride! I’ve had to hang onto my sense of self with everything I have.

But I’ve decided that my empath talents (even while unskilled) helped me to evolve out of the situation I was in, rather than just shut down completely.  Here are some thoughts that I think are true for me.

As an Empath, It Is Easier to Forgive

Yes, there has been a lot of discussion about forgiveness at Are You Willing to Pay the Price Spiritually? Perspective from RES.

It may have taken me a long time to make the wise decision to no longer be available for certain people. To stop being available out of self-love.

However, I find that empath ability, even unskilled, helped me to grow in compassion to become more accepting.

In childhood, I could have easily lost my sense of kindness. And I might have suffered more from bitterness and depression if I hadn’t seen the pain in other people so clearly.

Rose has done some aura readings on key people in my life. Consequently I realize now that, given their own pain, these family members have done the best they could. Back then, as an unskilled empath, I had a vague sense of it (due to those subconscious-level unskilled empath merges).

Being an Empath Has Help Me to Become a More Balanced Person

Without empath ability, I might have shut down more emotionally and spiritually and just focused on developing my mind (which is where I feel safest).

I’ve done a lot of that anyway. At least the empath talents have kept me curious about other aspects of life, and have pushed me to be more flexible and adaptable.

Granted, at times, I’ve felt quite furious about my empath abilities. Before I learned Empath Empowerment® those empath talents have distracted me, confused me.

Yes, confusion related to empath talent without skill has gotten me into scrapes. Cost me money, too.

But these days I’m thinking, that might have been the idea behind my incarnating as an empath…

Experiences from living with so much Imported STUFF has caused a lot of suffering. Yet, as a result, I was push to ask myself a lot of questions. In retrospect, I have evolved more as a whole person.

Indirectly, Empath Gifts Motivated Me to Find a Stronger Sense of Self

By agreeing to launch myself into the chaos of empath talent without empath skills, maybe I knew what I was doing.

I figure that I must have made a decision pre-birth to be committed to lifting myself out of that misery.  I like to think of myself as a pretty strong person. So the sense of feeling like victim that being an unskilled empath can bring… has felt pretty unbearable.

It’s not how I truly see myself.

What Changed with Rose’s Method of Empath Empowerment®

The way I see it is this. In order to gain empath skills, you need to become more comfortable and accepting of yourself.

Of course, gaining Empath Empowerment skills creates a stronger sense of self, so it’s reciprocal.

I have found I had to exercise my self-authority and self-acceptance to gain more of them.

For me, when I read the daily little chapters in “Become The Most Important Person in the Room” I had to take my time with learning, and not judge myself harshly. Following her instructions in that 30-Day Program, I still felt that my progress was slow.

Even while gaining skill, I found it necessary to acknowledge to myself from time to time the vulnerability I’ve experienced in the past. Those thoughts comforted me and help me to be patient with myself.

So that’s more of my personal process, doing what Rose has in her program of Empath Empowerment and, at other times, adding certain conversations with myself for the purpose of more emotional growth and self-acceptance.

Becoming a Skilled Empath Has Helped Me Grow Spiritually, Too

It seems to me that choosing to be an empath means I intended to be committed to lots of spiritual and emotional growth in this lifetime, because that’s what I needed to do to make my life work.

I’ve learned many things, first to survive as an unskilled empath and, more recently, to have a much easier life by simply using empath skills as Rose has taught.

All of this has been part of my spiritual growth, far as I’m concerned:

  • Self-love
  • Self-care
  • Self-respect
  • Discernment about who I am
  • Discernment about who I’m not
  • Trusting how I personally relate to the Divine

My Social Skills Have Been Progressing Too, Thanks to Becoming a Skilled Empath

Giving to someone doesn’t necessarily mean I’m helping them. While an unskilled empath, I knew that intellectually but now I’m owning it more.

I can move forward with things even if I don’t feel I understand what’s going on mentally. Again, that has been a big step of progress for me.

[Note from Rose: Not having all the Imported STUFF as an unskilled empath… probably has a great deal to do with this improvement.]

Maybe it sounds a bit self-centred, but I’ve learned that I can’t be of service to others without first committing to love myself more. Having my empath abilities has pushed me to find my center and be steadier in myself.

Choosing to be an empath is a unique experience.

Finally, Becoming a Skilled Empath isn’t Either/Or.

Refinement of Skills Can Continue for Me.

I wouldn’t say I’m totally skilled as yet; I’m learning more how becoming skilled is not necessarily a linear process.

I plan to persevere a little more with the techniques in Rose’s book, “The Empowered Empath: Owning, Embracing and Managing Your Special Gifts.”

On the most part, I don’t think I suffer very much with unskilled merges.  Rose has helped me fairly recently with a few particular sticking points in sessions.

But I see ways where I can suffer even less. I even look forward to when I spontaneously stop keep using my mind for workarounds after I’ve had some unintended split-split-split second unskilled empath merges.

I hope that some of you can relate to this.

Recent Blog Posts about Paying the Price for Good Things We Have in Life

  1. The Guru Game in the Age of Awakening
  2. Are You Willing to Pay the Price Spiritually? Perspective from RES.
  3. As a Piano Prodigy, Paying the Price. A Guest Post by Mark
  4. Paying the Price of Beauty. A Guest Post by LYNETTE
  5. Paying the Price for My College Degree. A Guest Post by EMILY T.
  6. Cutting a Cord of Attachment to a Lawyer. Paying the Hidden Price.
  7. Cutting an Abortion Cord of Attachment. Informative, as Always

Recent Blog Posts about the Presence of an Empath

  1. How Many Types of Empath Are There? Which Are You?
  2. The Powerful Presence of an Aura Reader
  3. Seeking More Clarity about the ENERGY Aspect of Your Personal Presence? Aura Reading Helps.
  4. How Aura Reading Can Help You with the SOCIAL Aspect of Personal Presence
  5. The Presence of an UNSKILLED Empath, Part 1 of 2
  6. The Presence of an UNSKILLED Empath, Completed
  7. Such Improvement! The Presence of a SKILLED Empath, Part 1
  8. Energy Presence and Social Presence of a Skilled Empath, Part 2
  9. How This Empowered Empath Stopped Faking It. A Guest Post by IRENE

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  1. 1
    Isabelle says:

    Great post, Lilian. Thanks for sharing!!
    Gave me some interesting insights.

  2. 2
    Lilian says:

    That’s quite a lot of random bits and pieces. I basically had some thoughts and didn’t want to fill up a comments section.

    Next incarnation I may not be an empath at all… so it’s interesting to think what “transferable skills” I may have gained.

  3. 3
    Lilian says:

    (This is just a mental exercise. Though it might be fun to do some aura readings from photos of me from my younger days and see what has changed, that would be a different thing.)

  4. 4
    Isabella Cates says:

    Love your compassion, Lilian.

  5. 5
    Rachel says:

    Hi Lilian,

    I went through a long period myself when I was kinda cross about being an empath – it seemed like an extra burden to have to bear!

    But in recent months I’ve begun to appreciate it a lot more (I’m not really sure why), and to be a lot more positively interested in identifying my gifts and being more disciplined about using the Coming Home technique every day :-).

    Interesting thought that you might not be an empath next time round… that makes me quite curious.

  6. 6
    Isabella Cates says:

    The first time I ever heard someone ask something like, “Did I choose to be an empath? Why did this happen to me?”

    It really, really, REALLY riled my passion. And it still does!

  7. 7
    Isabella Cates says:

    *Of course* you had a say in one of the biggest things in your life contract!!!!

    You’re more powerful than you think.

  8. 8
    Isabella Cates says:

    Being an empath is a big deal, and it’s a privilege for any soul who undertakes it. It hasn’t been inflicted on anyone.

  9. 9
    Isabella Cates says:

    Not getting a say there, or having it sprung on you, would be *mean* of God.

    Like throwing you to the wolves.

    And I don’t know a mean God. (I do remember *thinking* God was being mean to me though! lol. Never was true.)

  10. 10
    Isabella Cates says:

    Even if sometimes we have felt, in the midst of a lifetime, like we don’t have much power, or like we’re being punished, it’s not *true*.

    Not in my opinion.

  11. 11
    Isabella Cates says:

    Earth is not a punishment, being an empath is not a punishment.

    Both are sacred privileges which, yes, are very difficult at times.

  12. 12
    Isabella Cates says:

    That’s my opinion, at least, and my perspective from having done many, many sessions of Soul Energy Awakening Hypnosis®.

    These have given me more perspective on life than anything else I’ve done so far.

  13. 13

    These words are just golden, ISABELLA CATES.

    Blog-Buddies, ISABELLA has been facilitating many sessions of Soul Energy Awakening Hypnosis®. As my Apprentice, she has now graduated as the first RES Professional I have trained in this field.

    First ever! You read that right. (And when she gets her first official “Publicity Photo” I’ll acknowledge her achievement more at this blog.)

  14. 14

    ISABELLA has also been on the receiving end sometimes for sessions of Soul Energy Awakening Hypnosis®.

    So she knows wherof she speaks coming and going!

  15. 15

    You empaths who would like fresh perspective on why you chose to come into life this way, this incarnation…

    Might I suggest?

    Work your way through to the final chapter of “THE NEW STRONG.” Then share your Aha!s here, at this blog, if you like. 🙂

  16. 16
    Irene says:

    Lilian, this echoes so much of my experience.

    The vulnerability and humiliation from trying to fix problems that nobody else even noticed and that weren’t mine to fix anyway.

    The compassion that comes with really comprehending what others are going through and how they were trying to do their best. (Back then I had more trouble forgiving myself for not being able to adequately subjugate what I needed – since I knew they were trying, why wasn’t that enough for me?)

  17. 17
    Irene says:

    Now, with empath skills (and a lot of RES healing and information from aura reading), it is so much easier to understand what’s mine, to accept why they just can’t give me what I need, and for me to choose to go elsewhere for what I need.

    And yes, incarnating as an empath meant that I had to evolve. I noticed way too much of what was around me and was way too miserable from it all to be able to consider not evolving.

  18. 18
    Irene says:

    “By agreeing to launch myself into the chaos of empath talent without empath skills, maybe I knew what I was doing.”

    I really like this way of describing it. There’s a lot of pain in this world. My life has been very privileged in comparison. And yet I know that I have vast reservoirs of compassion because of what I’ve experienced.

  19. 19
    Irene says:

    Feeling like a helpless victim when I was really very strong was both humiliating and disorienting.

    It’s incredibly freeing and validating now to know what was happening underneath the skin. That I wasn’t imagining and over-reacting and struggling for no reason, and that it did in fact require lots of strength to survive that chaos intact.

  20. 20
    Irene says:

    “Maybe it sounds a bit self-centred, but I’ve learned that I can’t be of service to others without first committing to love myself more. Having my empath abilities has pushed me to find my center and be steadier in myself.”

    I find that the more skilled I become and the more Stuff that is removed, the more I can actually live the concept of “put your own oxygen mask on first”. Without taking care of myself, there is very little possibility for me to be of effective service to others.

  21. 21
    Irene says:

    Many thanks for writing this, Lilian 🙂

  22. 22
    Kira says:

    I like the way you think about things, Lilian.

    I remember several instances from my childhood and teenage years when I was actively thinking about how I felt about other people and comparing it with how friends talked about other people, and making choices that seemed different from my friends’ choices when we got teased or ignored. I know at least some of that is due to being an empath.

  23. 23

    RACHEL, resolute words indeed.

    We evolve in spurts of growth and integration as we move towards Enlightenment. From what you wrote, now is sounding to me like one of those growth times. Hooray!

  24. 24
    Kira says:

    Isabella, your comments reminded me of watching Star Trek: The Next Generation and wishing I could be an empath like Deanna Troi.

    I was perfectly willing to feel other people’s pain if that’s what it took!

    I had no idea at the time that I already was an empath, and even less idea that I already *was* feeling other people’s pain sometimes.

  25. 25
    Kira says:

    I’ve never felt like being an empath meant being a victim.

    I have felt that being an empath might require some extra pain in my life, and I was willing to accept that, but really glad to find out from Rose’s books that it doesn’t have to stay that way.

  26. 26
    Kira says:

    I can’t imagine how distraught I would have been if Rose had told me I wasn’t an empath during our first session!

  27. 27
    Lilian says:

    Thank-you thoughtful people. 🙂

    I guess we probably all had our soul-reasons to incarnate as empaths… Maybe mine was to shatter certain illusions.

    Like how helping is often not helpful…

  28. 28
    Lilian says:

    It’s interesting that me and my brothers had similar experiences growing up and we have similar-ish strengths and weaknessnes apart from the empath thing… and we now have really different persepctives in life.

    So it got me thinking about what I’ve gained from that extra dimension in my life.

  29. 29
    Rachel says:

    Following on from this theme, do you think that particular empath gifts point to areas of life where someone could do well at work?

    For example, if an empath has, say, physical intuition and physical oneness, then I presume that would enhance a choice to be a masseur or body worker/ acupuncturist etc (if said person had SKILLS, of course).

  30. 30
    Rachel says:

    Similarly, if someone’s empath talents are intellectual/mechanical, would it be smart to assume that intellectual or mechanical fields are ones where that empath could prosper?

    I don’t mean this to be limiting; I’m sure that empaths, like anyone, are free to choose whichever career path they like, regardless of their empath skills.

  31. 31
    Rachel says:

    My question is whether someone’s particular empath skills serve to highlight areas in life where they could be more successful than otherwise?

  32. 32

    That’s a complicated, puzzling question, RACHEL.

    By all means, pursue that however you wish. Personally, though, I don’t find it especially interesting.

    People don’t usually know their empath gifts when they choose careers, do they? And in any career you might name, there are plenty of successful practitioners who have no related empath gift.

  33. 33

    I can tell you that I have done a fair amount of aura reading of psychiatrists.

    Most of them were not empaths at all.

    I read a couple who were empaths, and they had burned out and quit psychiatry.

  34. 34

    What would help people more, if they want to succeed in their careers? I would like people to to be informed about Empath Empowerment® when they are taking their training.

    It would be great if every graduate and professional program put “Become The Most Important Person in the Room” on the reading list. Or the equivalent.

  35. 35

    What can YOU do to help people be more successful in their careers? If you suspect a friend might be an empath, encourage your friend to learn empath skills that really work.

    My blog can give some flavor, and then the Empath Empowerment® books can help them get skills. Skills that they will NOT be getting in their professional training.

    Not by a long shot. Not yet.

  36. 36
    Lilian says:

    That’s interesting Rachel. 🙂 You know, the empath talent I’m most aware of is the intellectual one, as that interferes(d) most with my line of work. Brain frazzle is not fun.

  37. 37
    Lilian says:

    I have others, but they didn’t influence me to chose certain paths in life. They’re harder to pinpoint. The imported stuff from those is(was) more like background radiation. I’m still learning to notice when it hits…

  38. 38
    Lilian says:

    But that’s the interesting thing I was trying to explore: we are not our empath abilities.

    My natural strengths and weakness and interests must have been developed by lifetimes when I probably wasn’t an empath…

    Being an empath in this lifetime is another avenue of growth, to support my path, but it doesn’t define my path as me.

  39. 39

    LILIAN, that Comment #38 is just great.

    For balance, I would like to express (in the strongest possible terms) that this empath coach never, ever recommends trying “to notice when [Imported STUFF from unskilled empath merges] hits.”

  40. 40

    Why not such a good thing to do?

    Monitoring STUFF and when you get it is a terrible way to divide your mind during waking hours, doing “Technique Time” intermittently.

    Furthermore, monitoring Imported STUFF does not prevent it. (See “Become The Most Important Person in the Room,” or ask me to pull out an energetic hologram for you during a session.)

    Instead of these ineffectual things to do about Imported STUFF… there is this system I’ve heard about, Empath Empowerment®, that really CAN help empaths to develop skills.

  41. 41

    Those Empath Empowerment skills prevent Imported STUFF.

    And then you can enjoy with greater gusto the human-level things: your life, your career, your relationships.

    Incidentally, enjoying life at these human vibrational frequencies will help you far, far more than monitoring yourself for STUFF or trying to analyze it.

  42. 42

    I hope I don’t offend you when I mention that there can be tricky problems with coming into a lifetime as super-duper intellectually gifted.

    One of them is using the intellect to do things/play games that are a complete waste of time. Except for giving that nimble mind something to do (and thereby gaining satisfaction of sorts).

    For personal growth, it’s better to explore relationships with that super heart of yours, or take up a new sport, etc. Sure, spend some time every day learning things. But then it’s DONE.

  43. 43
    Lilian says:

    of course, I was just considering which gifts I’m more sure about… and why. I notice what I pay most attention to.

  44. 44
    Lilian says:

    Yeah, doing quick mental workarounds can be second nature… a habit of a lifetime, you might say.

    I’m trying to be better at noticing whether I should do a week of Coming Home every day when I need to, rather than rationalising unskilled empath merges and getting tired.

  45. 45
    Rachel says:

    Thanks, Rose.

    I do see what you mean. I do appreciate that most careers are chosen for a wide variety of reasons, most of which have nothing to do with empath skills.

  46. 46
    Rachel says:

    And sure, you don’t need to be an empath at all to choose any career.

    I guess I was just wondering if, for example, someone wanted to train to be a body worker of some kind AND they had the empath skill of physical oneness AND they were skilled and regularly kept their gift turned off… but knew how to do a brief skilled empath merge as and when appropriate… wouldn’t that be a bonus, an extra boost to their career, in that particular instance?

    Does that make sense?

  47. 47
    Rachel says:

    Maybe I was thinking more widely too, prompted by Lilian’s comments about how we choose to be empaths.

    Surely, ultimately, we would choose to be empaths in order to be able to use those gifts?

  48. 48
    Rachel says:

    I do appreciate that there is a time and place for that… in all the time I personally have been a skilled empath, I have not even attempted to do a skilled empath merge, and it is still too soon for me to try that.

    But surely, ultimately, one day, eventually, once an empath is skilled, he/she would want to use the gift somehow?

  49. 49
    Rachel says:

    (Of course, that may not be relevant to a career choice as such, it could be used in lots of ways I suppose. I just wondered if you considered it to be a valid ‘extra’ skill set to be considered when making practical, career-based choices?)

    Sorry for the long question.

  50. 50
    Rachel says:

    Ah! Just read Lilian’s comment #38.

    Rose, if you concur, I will give up this line of questioning :-).

    Okay, empath gifts are irrelevant to career :-)!

  51. 51

    LILIAN, applause for your last paragraph in Comment #44. 🙂

    What is the Scottish equivalent of “Hooray” or, perhaps, “Whoopeeee-Yowza-Funsie-Town”?

  52. 52

    Oh, do I ever concur, RACHEL.

    You know, you might have a look at Comment #42 as well. 🙂

  53. 53
    Lilian says:

    Rachel, the only real point I was trying to make is that we can do what we like with our empath gifts. But to seek guidance on using them in a skilled way.

  54. 54
    Lilian says:

    What I notice most about my gifts and how I might use them in the future is personality dependent… I don’t *have* to do anything. It’s an opportunity to be creative, I guess.

  55. 55
    Julie says:

    Three cheers for the Coming Home technique, a way to find Home in a life that has many: many residences, many jobs, many trips here and there.

    Friends, acquaintances, business partners.

    Thoughts, ideas, tugs of the heart.

    What might be otherwise a dizzying array of impressions becomes One Self that I carry with me everywhere.

  56. 56

    JULIE, that Comment #56 is just plain eloquent. 🙂

  57. 57
    David B says:

    Lilian
    Thanks for sharing. My process was different but I certainly found discovering the gifts and getting skilled was life-changing.

    Still working on that – find the occasional place where an old habit crops up. But it’s much more about choice now and so much less about Stuff.

  58. 58
    David B says:

    On career influence, I’d actually say unskilled gifts discouraged certain directions. While a gift may theoretically support some kinds of work, most are unskilled. Thus we tend to experience related actions as troublesome. A Physical Oneness Empath would more likely learn to avoid physical contact.

    Rose mentioned the Psychiatry example.

  59. 59
    David B says:

    Because Empath gifts are foundational, they’re more about how we are in the world than skills we might use in work.

    As a skilled empath, it may add abilities to our work but not necessarily guide choice.

    For example, an intellectual empath gift could help a salesman, a manager, or a technician.

  60. 60
    Lilian says:

    David B: all comments: agreed. That’s why I mainly see the growth due to empath gifts as mainly spiritual, emotional and social…

  61. 61
    Lilian says:

    Maybe in the 23rd century, when humanity is boldly going where noone has gone before, kiddies may be taught about empath gifts in school and they’ll be considered as part of someone’s skillset.

  62. 62
    Lilian says:

    By emotional, spiritual and social growth I mean that anytime you embrace uncertainty you learn and grow. No particular outcomes are guaranteed!

  63. 63
    David B says:

    Hi Lilian
    In the perspective of several traditions, we’re rising out of a dark age. While we like to think of ourselves as at a pinnacle, how we are with our full nature is more like a trough we’re coming out of.

    In the larger cycles of time, more of it recognizes and values such gifts and here is no need of repressing them.

  64. 64
    Lilian says:

    Yes, I enjoyed what I read about that on your blog. I’m always one to enjoy historical perspectives.

    Also: star trek. 🙂

  65. 65
    Liane says:

    Loved this Lillian.

    Maybe for some empaths it’s one way to work out a lot of karma. Before gaining skills.

    I can only speak for myself but seems like being an unaware and unskilled empath for most of my life has been pretty much hell.

  66. 66
    Liane says:

    Maybe, for that reason, I chose to be an empath.

    Knowing I would eventually dig in and learn how to manage the gift… after surviving some pretty difficult traumas and lessons.

    Had I gained skills earlier, I wouldn’t be who I am now.

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