Awkward relatives — will they spoil your Christmas holiday? Or some other holiday? What can you do when family members are invited to gather around your holiday table and… You. Just. Don’t. Like. Them. ?????????
As a professional at Rosetree Energy Spirituality (RES) and survivor of my share of holidays with awkward relatives — I thought I’d share a few ideas with you. Also invite you to share your ideas as well.
Because chances are, many members of our informal RES community are planning for the worst. Or dreading with a nameless kind of hopelessness, akin to a stuffed and trussed turkey.
Gotta love the custom of relatives together at family gatherings! (Or maybe not.)
Awkward Relatives Helper #1. Energy Healing Skills
Less STUFF, and a stronger soul expression. That’s bound to help.
If you have them lying around, maybe it’s time to pick them up and use them.
Or maybe it’s time to make an appointment with an RES Expert. Because we can help you to move out underlying causes of anguish.
Really, is anguish too strong a word to use about dealing with certain awkward relatives come holiday time?
This blog post isn’t the one I planned to write today. That cool face reading will have to wait. Because my client Joe inspired me. Fresh from our session, I decided that this was the article to write. Just in time for those family gatherings at Christmas or Kwanzaa or Chanukkah or whatever.
Less STUFF and more you. It really can make a big difference.
Awkward Relatives Helper #2. Going Through The Motions. You Can!
You look at that difficult holiday guest. Okaaaaay. Look just enough to be polite.
You can just look at the hair or the ear, not the eyes. In conversation, you speak politely, firmly inserted smack dab on the surface of human reality.
Is that cold? Not compared to the furor if you really did hide underneath the dining room table. 😉
That awkward relative with the drinking problem. Or the one who’s just a hot mess of some other kind.
You don’t have to become instant chums. Manners, etiquette, were invented for just such occasions.
But won’t that awkward relative feel the sting of cold behavior?
Millions of family members are treated as outcasts. Or gushed over with “Christian charity” that drips with pity or condescension. Awkward family member could do worse that sort of kind civility.
Some of the folks who’ll be invited to join the extended family — they could be in really bad shape. Addicted. Off the wagon. Divorcing. Dealing with problems at work you don’t want to even know about… let alone face, were those problems yours instead.
Spending a few hours with you and the rest in a formally polite manner — could that become the highlight of that awkward relative’s YEAR. Just might be.
Awkward Relatives Helper #3. What Does Family Mean To You?
To get yourself out of a tormenting rut, consider. There can be so many perspectives. Here’s one related to age.
Are you a child or an adult?
Overall, these are very differerent perspectives on holiday occasions in general. And awkward relatives in particular.
A child thinks:
- How can I have fun?
- What can they give me?
- When can I get away to play?
By comparsion, an adult thinks:
- I’d like to have as good a time as possible, yet I’ll still be mindful of others.
- What do the others need?
- How can I help them?
Some of you reading this blog are at a stage in life where you haven’t yet become parents. Or otherwise started to really think as an adult.
There’s a sweetness to that, especially regarding family.
Awkward Relatives Helper #4. Family Means So Much More When…
A person is vulnerable. It could be illness. Financial challenge. A new stage in life. Love troubles of one sort or another. Political disappointment. Disillusion that came unexpectedly.
When we have to face our own vulnerability, we cling to what brings us courage: For some in your life, that may be family.
If you’re not needing that now, play along if you can. Kindness will come back to you.
Awkward Relatives Helper #5A. Ever Hear Of Vicarious Karma?
Most of you reading this blog are familiar with the idea of karma. Specifically bad karma coming back to you in ways that are awkward or worse.
Sometimes I feel as if I’m working at Karma Healing Central. In the sense that many of the RES Skills of Emotional and Spiritual Growth seem to have an indirect effect of softening karma payback.
For instance, there’s a saying I’ll use sometimes when discussing the logical consequences after cutting a particular cord of attachment: “The karma stops here.”
Not a saying I use lightly, mind you.
And it really feels like Karma Healing Central sometimes when I facilitate sessions of Soul Energy Awakening Hypnosis®, where results can be everyday-miraculous.
This year I’ve helped clients experience life reviews from some way-heavy past incarnations. Which helps to add to my growing understanding of karma payback. Including the following idea.
Awkward Relatives Helper #5B. These Folks Can BE Your Vicarious Karma
There are two ways to pay back bad karma: Directly and indirectly.
For example, suppose that in a past life iin Rome when you had strong beliefs that blinded you to compassion. So you learned about two adulterers who were having an affair. Back in the day, you intervened. Got the two “miscreants” exiled to different countries. And felt a happy sense of righteousness, purity, blah-blah-blah.
Okay, might as well be signing on the dotted line: “If you come back to Earth School, you’re going to have some really nasty problems with an affair you can’t resist.”
One way that karma could come back? Directly. A relationship becomes irresistable to you. And you just can’t resist. The affair threatens to bring shame, social disgrace, financial ruin, AIDS. And, weirdest of all, you are a good person. You never stop feeling like a good person. Yet others call you… a “miscreant.”
Another way that same karma could come back, if you’re lucky? Vicariously. You get to have your perfectly respectable love life but must suffer through three hours with some really awkward relative, GLADYS. She keeps telling you story after story about her beautiful love that nobody, nobody, nobody understands.
And you sure don’t. 😉
Oh, so awkward.
Well, you just might remember to act politely. Be kind. And let GLADYS talk, for heaven’s sake.
And later on, thank your lucky horoscope.
Awkward Relatives Helper #6. Including Awkward People Is A Mitzvah
Why not donate that blessing, that little piece of cake, that particle of attention?
Many millions of people today are refugees, physically displaced. Many millions today instead quietly — so quietly, — isolated. Shunned by family. Or coerced to such a degree that they won’t accept the invitation. Now way will they stand for being someone else’s “awkward relatives.”
On consideration, they would rather spend the big family holiday alone. Undoubtedly such a choice is right. But it still hurts.
A few hours of awkwardness to include the otherwise excluded…. How big is that in the grand scheme of things, or our grand social plans?
If nothing else, you might celebrate that you are in the position to call those trifling hours a big deal. Guess your life is pretty amazing after all!