Deeper Perception Made Practical

Empowering Relationship Choices in the Age of Awakening

Empowering Relationship Choices

Empowering Relationship Choices related to family estrangement.

Empowering Relationship Choices. Maybe I can help you with that, prompted by a shocking article in today’s Washington Post.

Not that this particular article intended to be shocking…

Here come some excerpts. I’m curious if they will shock you too. And, if so, WHY.

Empowering Relationship Choices. Totally Shocking, to Me!

In today’s Health Section, Harriet Brown wrote about estrangement. As in choosing to cut off relationships with family members.

In the lede, she wrote this:

Ten years ago, after decades of bitter fights and lukewarm reconciliations, I finally got the courage to cut off my mother completely. Our relationship brought me nothing but nuclear-level angst. After even the smallest interaction — an email or text message — I’d have panic attacks that lasted weeks. I’d stop sleeping, eat too much, fall through a wormhole into utter self-loathing.

Deciding to estrange from my mother wasn’t an easy decision. For me, as for most people, it took an exchange so toxic, so far outside the boundaries of what’s acceptable, that something snapped inside me. My older daughter had been very sick with anorexia and my mother emailed me to say her illness was my fault and I should be grateful she was telling me this because it showed she loved me. But I was done with her.

Sure that shocked me.

Empowering Relationship Choices. Why Did She Wait So Long?

Good Lord! What was Ms. Brown waiting for, murder?

  • Panic attacks that lasted for weeks?”
  • Nuclear-level angst?
  • Wormhole of utter self-loathing?
  • Blaming a mother for her child’s terrible illness?
  • Geesh!

Because the estrangement doesn’t shock me one bit. What horrifies me is how long it took Harriet Brown.

Empowering Relationship Choices. Turns out, Making this Choice Is Quite Common

Quite common, really. Can you guess how common?

“The most recent research suggests that up to 10 percent of mothers are estranged from at least one adult child, and that about 40 percent of people experience family estrangement at some point. “

Personally, I expect the numbers to increase over the next few decades.

And my goodness, I sure hope that people give themselves permission to do this. To choose estrangement with relatives doesn’t require that you hang out until there’s huge drama.

You have every right to downgrade unpleasant family relationships. Plus, I do think it’s becoming a trend for two reasons. Both involve humanity’s elephant in the room. Which is, of course, that now we’re living in an altogether new era on earth, The Age of Awakening.

Look, I know that you may not think often about the Shift into this Age of Awakening. So far, I know of only one magazine article that has described it. Apparently the media continue their 24/7 news coverage without a single mention. Although humanity has lived in this new era since 12/21/12.

Understanding some of the seismic changes can help you to have a much, much better life. As in removing unnecessary guilt about family estrangement!

Empowering Relationship Choices. Goodbye, Old Rules. Hello, New Rules

One benefit of reading “The New Strong” is to wrap your head around a big-deal concept.

During previous years — and centuries, and millenia — human beings cherished seven rules. Socially and culturally, we needed to follow these rules in order to be a good person.

What was Old Rule #1? Do Your Best to Do Your Duty

You know, even if it nearly killed you.

By contrast, what’s New Rule #1? Choose What Makes You Happy. (But Also Remember to Do Your Duty.)

Such a subtle shift of emphasis! Yet there’s a world of difference, for instance in evaluating family estrangement.

Back in the Age of Faith, you stuck to your family. It was “the right thing to do.” And, as beautifully — if painfully — described by Harriet Brown, you could only end a family relationship if it nearly killed you.

Hello, we really, really don’t need to live that way now. Especially because of another important change in what some folks call “The Aquarian New Age.”

Empowering Relationship Choices. Now We’re Evolving at Very Different Rates.

Basically, we can grow as fast as we wish. Pursue self-actualization. Gain spiritual awakening. Loads our of choices add up now.

Used to be, family members mostly had similar consciousness. And if somebody didn’t fit in, the choice was stark.

  • Either go into hiding, while otherwise behaving “properly.” Unfortunately, that often meant concealing important things about your personal needs (such as homosexuality, agnosticism, etc.)
  • Otherwise, you’d let family members know. Then they would drop you!

But now it’s very common for family members to evolve at different speeds. Choose spiritual shutdown, for instance, or not. (Scroll down to the purple box at that last link in order to find juicy details.)

Are you skeptical about family members growing faster or slower? Just think of those tense holiday dinners ever since the start of the Trump administration! Or since the Brexit referendum. Etc.!

It strains credulity, really. Am I the only one to have head-slapper moments over this?

Oh, I don’t think so!

What shocks me most about Harriet Brown’s excellent article? (Yes, I do recommend reading it all.)

Justifying Choices Only in Terms of Survival!

By contrast, you regular readers of this blog know that RES exists to help people grow emotionally and spiritually. We’re self-actualizing. Fitting right in with The Age of Awakening.

And we’ll use RES Energy READING Sessions and RES Energy HEALING Sessions to help us make wise relationship choices.

By comparison, folks who choose family estrangement may suffer for years from guilt and self-doubt. My heart goes out to all those caught between humanity’s new values versus how we can live better now!

Stories, Anyone?

Because I happen to know many of you Blog-Buddies have learned how to improve certain relationships. Maybe not feeling so obligated to be “polite even when in your dreams.”

Whereas others of you have discreetly down-sized relationships with family. Or even proudly (and wisely) chosen estrangement from family members.

Please add to this discussion if you can. As this blog continues educate readers with up-to-date perspective on how to have a good life in this Age of Awakening. A self-actualizing life without wormholes!

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  1. 1
    Steve says:

    Very helpful post, Rose. Thank you. I’d like to share some quotes from that article you mentioned, but first, here’s a link to a related article.

    It might bring some comfort to readers who have been dropped by family. Or, more related to this article in the Guardian, if people do icky things and then refuse to be held accountable by you.

  2. 2
    Steve says:

    Harriet writes in the Post, “What they don’t typically do is talk to other people about being estranged from their families, for all sorts of reasons. Victoria, 44, one of the people I interviewed and who asked that her last name not be use to protect her privacy, says she used to tell people she and her husband spent Thanksgiving and Christmas with “family and friends,” even though she was estranged from her family. She worried that people would judge her for not having family to visit on those two days a year that you’re pretty much required to spend with blood relations.”

  3. 3
    Steve says:

    And she continues with this. “And many people would. In my experience, estrangement makes people deeply uncomfortable. They wonder what’s wrong with you when you can’t get along with your family. They worry that if you can estrange yourself, maybe their parents/children/siblings could do that to them. Estrangement seems to threaten the primal order of things and opens the door to a lot of questions most of us would rather not think about.”

  4. 4
    Steve says:

    Phooey on “the primal order of things” back in the Age of Faith!

  5. 5
    Karen says:

    I moved on from my family years ago, and rightfully so. During my childhood I endured beatings, humiliation, psychological abuse, and incest from my parents.

    I also survived attempted murder by my younger brother and several suicide attempts before I was 17 years old.

  6. 6
    Karen says:

    I live with the scars.

    And yet if someone learns I left my “family”, I immediately see a flash of questioning wash over their face as if I am in the wrong.

  7. 7
    Karen says:

    Thankfully, most people have never endured anything remotely similar to my experiences, which unfortunately were not limited to childhood.

  8. 8
    Karen says:

    Family abuse is still very much a taboo subject, and the term “black sheep” is still dreaded.

    But what if your family or at least one family member is toxic for your well-being?

  9. 9
    Karen says:

    Rather than stay in that situation, I accepted the price of being called a black sheep and receiving judgemental glares.

    It doesn’t matter what others think, especially your biological family, what matters is that you prioritize your life and health and leave a toxic situation that will probably not improve.

  10. 10

    KAREN, what you’ve written is true. I’m convinced that what you wrote has happened because so many details unfolded over a period of years, during sessions we did together.

    Note: You still have physical scars. And, of course, you have many horrible memories. But, due to your courage and persistence in RES sessions, you’ve moved out the most significant STUFF from all that. Which matters enormously!

  11. 11

    Family estrangement is often a brilliant solution and not just for someone like you, KAREN, whose suffering has been intense.

    Yet when I read about this topic at the Washington Post website — both the original article in the Post, plus some of its already 1.5 thousand comments, just from today — my heart goes out to many of the people involved in the writing.

  12. 12

    Because they did the wise thing in behavior and objective reality. And many have probably been in psychotherapy — a lot of it. Nonetheless, it’s evident to me from some of those comments at the Post: these good people are carrying more than scars. Very likely, their auras are horribly cluttered up.

    So what you’ve written here, in brief, KAREN, is an important success story; not only about choosing family estrangement but about insisting on personal growth and spiritual awakening. I’m immensely proud of you.

  13. 13
    Liane says:

    Rose, you were the first person who didn’t respond with pity or an attitude of judgement when you learned about my choice to estrange myself from my mother.

    It’s been nineteen years since I’ve had anything to do with her or my siblings, the most peaceful years of my life!

  14. 14
    Liane says:

    No coincidence that they’ve also been the years that produced the most growth – spiritually, emotionally, physically and mentally.

    I am a better human being because of this choice and I’m past trying to convince others who don’t understand that it was the best choice for me.

  15. 15
    Liane says:

    Thank you for responding with a “Well good for you!!”

  16. 16

    Definitely a “Good for you,” LIANE. Thanks for sharing your tale here. If you had really acted unreasonably, I doubt that God would have helped you move into Enlightenment, you know?

    Anybody who reads your comments here at the blog can recognize your warmth, kindness, generosity, loyalty, and beautiful manners. Bestowing that treasure on folks who deserve it, and refusing to squander it on nasty people, relatives included? That’s only fair.

  17. 17
    Mel says:

    I have a family member that I live with that is addicted and mentally ill. I’ve shared this with my therapist who advised me to go to Al Anon. I don’t really prefer it to estrangement but it does teach you how to not be bothered so much by your family member.

    Some people claim not to be bothered at all by it anymore because they give control to their higher power. It seems like a tool from before the age of awakening.

  18. 18
    Mel says:

    I would like to be estranged. So this article and that statistic on how normal it is gives me hope.

  19. 19
    Andrew says:

    “Good Lord! What was Ms. Brown waiting for, murder?” This made me chuckle.

    I read that post, and read a lot of the comments yesterday but when I read that sentence of yours Rose, I was like, of course! Duh! And I kinda feel like “what was I waiting for in my family”?

  20. 20
    Andrew says:

    My mom was largely absent or angry when I was a child. Either in bed, watching TV, or telling me and my siblings how we had ruined her life and to never have kids. Her nickname for me was “Nasty Andrew”.

    My dad was at work until he wasn’t and he wanted “peace” which he got by shouting and hitting until we were teenagers.

  21. 21
    Andrew says:

    Sometimes I feel frustrated that I put up with their crap for so long, and was SO nice to them. I even spent a significant part of my bonus one year buying my mom a fancy present and my parents, dinner out!

    There was a medical situation that once again revealed their true colours (oh, only the fourth such situation I can remember).

  22. 22
    Andrew says:

    I remember the last holiday’s I spent with them I thought it was so nice and peaceful.

    I realized later that I had barely spoken at all, they had never asked me anything about myself and I had taken two naps while I was there…

  23. 23
    Andrew says:

    Sessions with you Rose, helped to reveal to me the malice, spite, jealously and bullying that was going on and that I had become inured to. It also helped me to see clearly the impact that continuing to have them in my life was having, for days after just a meal, where nothing too overtly bad had been happening,

    I would feel bad, drag at work and just feel guilty, or like ‘a bad person’.

  24. 24
    Andrew says:

    I decided to estrange on the basis of that medical situation, where I needed to go to hospital and instead got met with an argument and screamed at to “take a ****** taxi”, but really I wished I had earlier.

    No repining! (Another thing I am learning from you Rose LOL).

  25. 25
    Andrew says:

    Now that I haven’t seen them for a significant time, it is clear how little they cared and how little I was even getting from those relationships.

    My life feels so much more hopeful and I don’t question myself and whether I am a good person anymore.

  26. 26
    Kylie says:

    I have been estranged for many years from both my father and brother, for very good reasons.

    Because of RES sessions and workshops, my aura is not horribly cluttered up and I no longer suffer from the horrible angst and guilt that I used to feel about being estranged.

  27. 27
    Kylie says:

    I had read that same article in the post, and was also shocked.

    Another thing I notice in movies, is how many people seem to hold the belief that “the family” should stick together no matter what, and make it a holy crusade to keep in touch with all members of the family.

  28. 28
    Kylie says:

    In a workshop Rose, you once told your own story about choosing the level of involvement you would have with your own mother. It’s a powerful story, and I have always remembered what you said about how you realized that you could either stay closely involved with your mother, or you could found RES, write books, create workshops and do everything else that you do.

    You could not have done both of those things. I for one am very happy that you made the choice you did.

  29. 29
    Kylie says:

    If not for RES, I would have devoted my life to taking care of my father, “figuring out” what went wrong in his life, experiencing his suffering as if it was my own, and suffering over the waste of his potential.

    Meanwhile carrying lots of astral stuff related to his life long bad treatment of me.

  30. 30
    Diana says:

    I have been estranged from my sister for many years-happened during the Age of Faith so it did seem unreasonable to my parents, it was a shameful secret I kept from new friends, and I did feel bad like for example when I got married she wasn’t there as that seemed the way it “should be”.

    Now, it is the Age of Awakening and I see how i’m more freed up with my decision as the best one.

  31. 31
    Kylie says:

    Instead I have the energetic bandwidth to enjoy my life, and to be of service to many other people, people who I choose to help who are not consciously going against their own light, like my father.

  32. 32
    Lewis says:

    Thanks for this post, Rose, and for sharing that article. I have so much to say on this topic, I will try to be succinct!

    I too made the decision last year to cut off contact with my family. At first, I hoped that I would be able to at least maintain contact with cousins, but RES sessions reading their auras/doing research, helped me to see that there was nothing in those peripheral relationships that would be worth maintaining.

  33. 33
    Lewis says:

    As the author of the Washington Post article mentions, I too felt huge relief at walking away from a family where the whole family system was basically loaded against me.

  34. 34
    Lewis says:

    I have grown a lot since I made that decision (though it took some nerve to stick to it).

    I am still mastering the art of being appropriately truthful in situations where the topic of family comes up, but this is definitely becoming much easier for me.

  35. 35
    Lewis says:

    What really led me to making this decision, after many years of tolerating what I can only describe as emotional abuse, was a particular situation in objective reality that arose; I was so puzzled by it, so bewildered by the fact that my supposed “loving” family were doing things that were demonstrably un-loving, that it drove me to devote many RES sessions to my family.

  36. 36
    Lewis says:

    At the time, I found this very frustrating, thinking, “I have better things to do than have RES sessions about family.”

    But what I discovered, through reading family members’ auras and energetic holograms, was so ugly and disturbing. I kept thinking, “it can’t be that bad,” and kept returning to sessions with new incidences to research… only to discover, again and again, that yes it really was that bad.

  37. 37
    Lewis says:

    In the end, I realised that once you know the truth, you can’t un-know it. Knowing what I knew, cutting off ties was really the only sane thing to do.

  38. 38
    Lewis says:

    A very good friend of mine referred me to this article, which I found very helpful, and which I hope you don’t mind me including here, particularly because I love this quote: “When you’re in a painful, unresolved place about your parents, it can be extremely difficult to explain it to anyone else. You try to paint a full picture of how bad it is, but somehow, unless you were chained to a toilet in the basement until age 10, no one is willing to admit that you had it bad.”

    It helped me to realise that I do not need to justify my choices to anyone, and I do not need to persuade or convince anyone that I have done the right thing.

  39. 39
    Same Issue says:

    I am currently dealing with this. My mom wasnt too nice to me growing up, but physically and emotionally abused me

    she told everyone that loved me how bad of a person I was, she told me I would never get married, she told me if i did my husband would beat me.

  40. 40
    Same Issue says:

    She was a single mom and prevented me from having any relationship with my dad.

    I am healing alot from all that.

  41. 41
    Same Issue says:

    I moved to America to school and to run away from her , but nope she moved 2 years later.

    She moved in with me and it was hell, I paid my tuition, rent and food and utilities but she told everyone she was taking care of me.

  42. 42
    Same Issue says:

    I accepted the first marriage proposal I received because I wanted to leave her. (She would not let me live on my own because you have to be married according to our culture) honestly i was just too scared of her.

  43. 43
    Same Issue says:

    I got married and within the first year she asks to move in with us, using guilt I agreed .

    She came for 2 weeks and it was hell again, I became depressed .

  44. 44
    Same Issue says:

    She moved out. 3 years after that..she succeeds again…again I get depressed.

  45. 45
    Same Issue says:

    After a huge fight and trying to slap my husband she moved out again and destroyed my name to anyone that would listen. It is now 3 years from that period and she wants to move in with me again.

    We send her money every month but she wants to retire in my home. This would mean out of my entire existence I have lived without her for only 6 years .

  46. 46
    Same Issue says:

    The stigma I have faced because of her is unbelievable, in my culture a parent cant be wrong. My only sibling cut her off but I find it soo difficult to do. We agreed we would rent her a place and have her move in there, she is saddened by this.

    I have enough power now to tell her no. I used to be so scared of her.

  47. 47

    Thanks to all you who have been sharing here! I isn’t my role as blog monitor to comment on all these contributions, so I would like to selectively offer an educational perspective on this series from SAME ISSUE.

    This is the only contribution to this thread that is not of personal growth and, to some degree, triumph. It is more a tale of personal suffering and maybe, possibly, some improvement. And certainly I wish this brave immigrant well.

  48. 48

    However, there’s something fascinating to point out. If you read these comments, did you notice all the words taken from the field of psychology?

    Issue. Sibling. Depression.

    Plus telling a story and finding a pattern.

  49. 49

    With all respect due to mental health professionals, this field is utterly distinct from RES. It emerged in the last 100 years before the Age of Awakening.

    By contrast, RES was designed expressly to work in the Age of Awakening. Before MAIN ISSUE’S comments, all the folks who shared their stories around family estrangement were RES clients.

  50. 50

    Unlike therapy patients, they’d removed subconscious and energetic STUFF from their auras.

    Maybe that has something to do with how all of them had success stories to share.

  51. 51
    Anchie says:

    Thank you for this empowering article, Rose, and for writing about a topic that poses such a challenge for many of us.

    Indeed, having this knowledge does help to remove unnecessary guilt!

  52. 52
    Anchie says:

    And what guilt there is when you are raised in a culture where filial piety is paramount!

    It is amazing to know that we are free to pursue self-actualization and to grow as fast as we wish in this new age.

  53. 53
    Anchie says:

    Karen and Liane, your stories are truly inspiring. Thank you for sharing.

  54. 54
    Ginger says:

    Thanks for writing on this topic, Rose. I have limited interaction with one sibling and no interaction at all with another.

    I can relate to Karen’s comment 9.

  55. 55
    Ginger says:

    I can remember as a young teen people who didn’t know me well would say things like I “should” be close to my siblings. I could only manage to be around them in doses even while growing up.

    Now I can admit I just don’t like them and I won’t be guilted into maintaining a fake relationship based on other people’s values. Thankfully, my parents never told us we “should” be close.

  56. 56
    Ginger says:

    One other thing I’ve learned in terms of relationships is to not expect all my needs to be met in each and every friend or family member.

    Some people are really great at sharing about the latest news or gadgets, but horrible listeners and not able to engage in much deeper convo.

  57. 57
    Ginger says:

    Once upon a time that was ok with me – now not so much.

    I’m better able to tell the difference between someone who “acts” like they have empathy by saying the right words and someone who truly has it – by congruence with their words and actions. Of course, aura reading has helped uncover that as well.

  58. 58
    Ginger says:

    In thinking about Liane’s comment 13 and the most peaceful years of her life – it brings me hope that any relationships that I still have that have passed their expiration date will bring me more joy once I’ve decided to really change my expectations or just move on!

  59. 59
    Ginger says:

    Unfortunately, some people are so clueless they think moving on from family or old friendships means you’re running from something.

    Some people have a very hard time as seeing themselves as part of the problem.

  60. 60
    Ginger says:

    I also believe as we grow and make certain choices all the way through to objective reality, we can advance to the next level in our lives.

  61. 61
    Ginger says:

    I’ve noticed at times when I took a stand or did something that was very difficult personally, but did it anyway, I got an internal reward after it was done. Plus eventually feeling more like ME in a very clear way.

    At times where I wasn’t direct or forthcoming about something I wanted to address, I’ve felt internally bleh – like I missed an opportunity to really step up.

  62. 62
    Karen says:

    Thanks, Rose. It means a lot coming from you. I think it’s important to share such stories so that others who have lived in secrecy know that there are people who have experienced something similar.

  63. 63
    Karen says:

    Perhaps it will inspire them to take action.

    It has been years, and with many RES sessions, my life has improved to where my family feels like a distant memory (or nightmare lol). Every year I look back and see how much I’ve changed in a good way. I’m very grateful for RES. Thank you, Rose!

  64. 64
    Liane says:

    You’re welcome Anchie.

    Ginger, the peace of which I speak came only after paying the price.

  65. 65
    Liane says:

    First, I paid in ways that distorted my sense of self – trying to be someone I wasn’t to please a mother who could not be pleased.

  66. 66
    Liane says:

    The second price paid was from the guilt I had for having severed ties, feeling like it was all my fault.

    Something must be horribly wrong with me to be able to walk away from not just my mother but my two brothers and sister as well.

  67. 67
    Liane says:

    Believe me, there were some hard times, hard years, paying that price.

    The peace came slowly, not a sudden revelation. I earned it.

  68. 68
    Liane says:

    I can still say it’s been worth it, because it’s been peaceful for a long while now : )

  69. 69
    Liane says:

    If, at the time, I’d had the resources RES has available, I would have been light years ahead of where I am now.

    That’s IF I would have reached out through my pain and signed up for help. The truth is I enjoyed playing the victim just enough to appease my own conscience and the questions from other people.

  70. 70
    Liane says:

    The decision to estrange from family members is not an easy one, before or after.

    For me it was the only thing I could do at the time. My peace is worth keeping, so my decision stands.

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