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Decisions Made. Decisions Regretted. Paying an Extra Price?

Decisions Made. Decisions Regretted.

Decisions Made. Decisions Regretted. Are your choices flimsy and fleeting, like a feather in the wind? Or do your choices have meaning?

Decisions Made. Decisions Regretted. Today, together, we can solve a certain kind of decision making problem. Or, at least, start solving it.

Because this week I’ve had a couple of reminders. Some people are fine with making decisions. They don’t agonize so much on the decision-making end.

But hoo-boy, do they ever agonize over decisions after making them. I hope that today’s post can help.

Decisions Made. Decisions Regretted. Sound Like You?

Paying the Price for Success: Have you seen our most recent post? There we’ve been enjoying our usual lively exchange. But I was really brought up short by this comment from somebody at the blog:

There are some things I have mostly enjoyed paying the price for (learning Spanish).

And others where I have felt it was half and half or too much.

I wonder, how wise is it to look back over our choices and then stop there? Not reviewing the past to learn from our experiences. Instead to sink into a puddle of regret, remorse, and even self-pity.

  • Oh, the price I paid was too much! I had to work so hard for what I got.
  • Maybe I did learn from the experience. Maybe I got some of what I wanted. But I didn’t get everything that I wanted. For free! Without trying. And instantly. That’s tragic.
  • Oh, poor me!

Sure enough, I’ve exaggerated what our Blog-Buddy was saying. However, I’ve known some RES clients who kind-of did that kind of complaining I parodied in the previous bullets. Living as if stuck in a time warp at age 14!

So let’s do some thinking today about self-pity over the choices we’ve made. Maybe we’ll even achieve some un-sticking!

Decisions Made. Decisions Regretted. And Decisions Replayed. Why?

An alcoholic, a pothead, and Eeyore walked into a bar.

Is that the start of a joke? Not really. More like I’m describing some RES clients I’ve helped with their personal growth. And they didn’t walk into some bar. Actually they met up with me through their mobile phones.

Regardless, this cast of characters has included some recovering alcoholics, some former potheads, and also clients with loads of STUFF that caused problems with making decisions.  (In RES, “STUFF” means stored energy of various kinds at the astral level of a person’s aura. Over the decades, I’ve identified dozens of distinctive kinds of STUFF. And every one of them can be healed.)

What did the “alcoholic” and “pothead” and “Eeyore” have in common? When NOT in session with me, sitting around, complaining and wallowing. Telling tales they made up for themselves — stories about “when everything started to go wrong.”

Folks, what would make for a better conversation? Learning the skill of making decisions. Often that’s a skill you can learn on your own, with the help of some friends or some books. Because ultimately decision-making is simply a life skill that people can learn.

What if you’re feeling too stuck to learn on your own? Might I recommend a session or more of RES Energy HEALING? I’ve helped others to learn how to make decisions. Why not you? Really, decision making — and also decision acceptance — are totally possible for you.

Decisions Made. Decisions Regretted? Please Stop Wasting Your Time

From my perspective as an Enlightenment Coach, what have I learned about helping folks to accept the decisions they’ve made and then move on?

Much of our spiritual growth involves moving past illusions.

As for the reality of life on earth for human beings, here are the basics:

  • It doesn’t just “happen” that we incarnate here at Earth School. We agree to do it. We want to do it!
  • By the time we become adults, our spiritual evolution can accelerate.
  • We make little choices and also bigger decisions. Self-authority!
  • And then we can use our free will to follow through in order to get the best results from every choice made.
  • What will we always receive as a consequence of making decisions? Learning. Potential learning, anyway.
  • If we choose, we can learn from success. We can even learn from disappointments.
  • Either way, next we have a choice. Will we move forward with greater wisdom? Or will we sulk?

Sulky Living Vs. Wise Decisiveness

What do you think is the correct answer to each of the three following questions?

Hint: it sure helps to accept reality. And that includes understanding that our past decisions become part of reality. What we’ve done in the past becomes non-negotiable. Over is over!

Feel free to comment away with your answers to these questions, Blog-Buddies. And maybe you can generate some funny new ones of your own. Do tell!

Meanwhile, here come our three questions to complete this article:

  1. I know I broke up with my boyfriend. But can I still call him up to borrow his comfy blue sweater?
  2. Yeah, I gave away my pet cat. But can’t I ask the new owner to lend Fluffy back to me every weekend? (At least, every weekend when I’m in the mood.)
  3. When I accepted this job, I didn’t know every detail about what it would be like. Now I hate this decision. And I’m so angry. Would it help if I purchased a magic wand and then made all the people here DISAPPEAR!!!!!???!!!!!!

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  1. 1
    Graham says:

    Rose, you are too funny :). This post brought a smile to my face!

    The intention for my last session was ‘more efficacy in making personal decisions’ ha ha! So I relate to some of what you’ve written…

  2. 2
    Jenny says:

    I have more of an extreme example, but hopefully it helps someone who may benefit from learning the importance of making a decision, accepting reality, and moving forward with life.

  3. 3
    Jenny says:

    My daughter was born with congenital heart disease (tetralogy of fallot) and had open heart surgery at 9 months old.

    I sulked over her health condition for awhile. Asked why?

  4. 4
    Jenny says:

    What did I do wrong? What did she do to deserve this?

    Forget about it!

  5. 5
    Jenny says:

    It’s been a journey, but accepting her condition, celebrating the triumphant surgeries and knowing this brave soul chose me as her mother are more important than looking back and sulking.

    As usual, RES healings have helped me enjoy her more and my life as a whole more, too!

  6. 6
    Jenny says:

    And, for me, “much of our spiritual growth involves moving past illusions” couldn’t be any truer.

    Smashing illusions through the help of RES is mind-blowing and life changing.

  7. 7

    Thank you for this “big girl” inspiration, JENNY.

    Victim talk and “pity-me sharing” are so common on the internet. I think it’s refreshing to read an honest account, without self-pity or other distortions; an account where you’ve described how you’ve simply moved forward as an adult, doing your best to accept what is, and making decisions accordingly.

  8. 8
    Diana says:

    In regards to Q#1-DO NOT call up the ex-boyfriend to borrow the sweater. Who cares how comfy-you will be so uncomfortable when you show up and his new girlfriend is wearing it now. Lol.

    Trust that the reasons you broke up with him were real and the best is yet to come-stay hopeful!

  9. 9
    Kylie says:

    I used to have major trouble with decision making, second-guessing myself later, suffering, and spending lots of time thinking about the roads I didn’t take.

    I had one RES healing session with the intention of better decision making, and it helped so much.

  10. 10
    Kylie says:

    I still occasionally regret decisions.

    But it helps a lot to remember what you said here, ” …it sure helps to accept reality. And that includes understanding that our past decisions become part of reality. What we’ve done in the past becomes non-negotiable. Over is over!”

  11. 11
    Becky says:

    Thought-provoking, to be sure, how to find the proper balance of reflecting on your decisions.

    While I easily relate to the wallowing end of the spectrum (we’ve made great progress on that, by the way) there is also the “No Regrets” mentality.

  12. 12
    Becky says:

    How much learning is involved in living your life without regard for your fellow man, at least in the current lifetime?

    (Not that I think you are, in any way, promoting that way of thinking…)

  13. 13
    Liane says:

    Used to be my identity was based on my victimhood.

    All the bad things that happened to me equaled who I was.

  14. 14
    Liane says:

    Still reliving, retelling, respinning the same old stuff.

    Once in a while it happens, even now, in enlightement.

  15. 15
    Liane says:

    Such an ingrained way of thinking, which I now know as STUFF. So much STUFF!

    One RES session at a time, this former Eeyore is moving away from being a surviving victim to someone who recognizes the part I’ve played in certain scenerios. The only clear path is to learn from former bad decisions, being grateful for my personal growth.

  16. 16

    Thanks, DIANA — you made me laugh out loud with that Comment #8.

    Also thanks for your thought-provoking comments, KYLIE, BECKY, and LIANE. BECKY, you raised an interesting question, except that you didn’t exactly ask it as a question, so I’ll give that a try.

  17. 17

    What if, in the past, you said or did something bad to somebody else (say, Joe)? Make up whatever hypothetical example you like, Blog-Buddies.

    Later, will it really fix things up great if you spend the next 15 years by having a personal pity party?

  18. 18

    Otherwise, if you let the past be the past, how can you make amends?

    Also, in your hypothetical example, what do you do if it isn’t possible to make amends? Go back to extra wallowing in self-pity? And where do you think possible karma fits into your example?

  19. 19
    Becky says:

    I agree with you, Rose! Self-pity isn’t going to get us anywhere.

    Learn what you can from the decisions that you make, accept what’s your responsibility and move on. If you can reasonably make amends, pluck up the courage and do so.

  20. 20
    Becky says:

    If I pre-consider, at least in part, what the potential ramifications of my decisions are (using what I’ve learned, of course) then I’m doing my best.

  21. 21

    BECKY, a wise response indeed. And the word “pre-consider” is new to me. Did you make it up? I like it.

    Now I wonder if you or any other Blog-Buddies are up for commenting on the karma aspect. Suppose that you’ve pre-considered and done your reasonable best, yet another person claims that you did something terrible. Or you still feel bad about some unintended, unforeseen consequence of what you’ve done…. Given what you understand about karma, where do you think that fits in?

  22. 22
    Graham says:

    Rose, I don’t know the answer to this (#17), but I love the question…

    My guess would be that karma has a lot to do with what a person’s honest intentions were?

  23. 23
    Becky says:

    Guilty as charged, Rose, I TOTALLY made that up!

    As far as the karma aspect, I am struggling with that a bit (and I think you may understand why). Definitely a life lesson for me. I would love to hear what others might offer.

  24. 24
    Liane says:

    My answer to #21 is…. payback. From past lives.

    Or from adding it to a life contract for the purpose of evolving.

    Or even from this life for something I no longer remember.

  25. 25
    Liane says:

    The way I understand karma is it’s a cosmic system of checks and balances, we either receive or owe.

    Nothing personal, just is. Good or bad, doesn’t matter.

  26. 26
    Liane says:

    This helps me understand the bigger and not so seemingly unfair picture.

    Becky, I too like the word pre-consider!

  27. 27
    Eliza says:

    Hi Rose, for comment 17 and 18, in terms of where karma might fit in: I think that regardless of whether you feel bad about something you’ve said, you’ll pay the karma back for it anyway.

    Once you’ve learned from it, made amends where you can and resolve to do better, feeling bad about it isn’t going to help anyone.

  28. 28
    Eliza says:

    For comment 21, hmm, in those cases you can learn from it (if there was something to learn from, sometimes you might be ignorant about something, sometimes the other person is wrong), then you have more knowledge to make a better choice in future.

  29. 29
    Eliza says:

    In terms of karma, I think because you haven’t wilfully intended to do a terrible thing, and the ‘something terrible’ is just someone else’s perception… then there won’t be karma to pay back, and you don’t need to feel bad about it.

  30. 30
    Eliza says:

    And if there were unintended consequences, you can also learn from this and make better choices in the future.

  31. 31

    What a fragrant bouquet of wisdom! Thanks to all who have been contributing.

  32. 32
    Leo Watts says:

    I used to suffer a lot from following through on decisions. I had a few RES sessions around this theme, and I became much better at it.

    What you’re saying Rose, that decision making is a skill, is so true.

  33. 33
    Leo Watts says:

    When we make a decision based on the best available information possible, then it is likely best to go through with that decision, or, where is the power in making that decision?

    I think I had a bit of a skills gap in linking these two ideas, making a decision and then following through.

  34. 34
    Leo Watts says:

    I’ve become more comfortable making decisions.

    I think that links in with self trust.

  35. 35
    Leo Watts says:

    If you’re making decisions wisely, then it is in your best interest to actually do the work to bring that choice about, unless some new information becomes available that would lead you to change your decision, which, in and of itself would be another decision.

  36. 36
    Leo Watts says:

    Mostly, decisions are not catastrophic. Should we change our mind down the line, we have the free will to do that.

    And, as you stated, we will gain learning, even if everything we thought would happen doesn’t come true.

  37. 37
    Leo Watts says:

    Making and following through with decisions is definitely a big boy or big girl skill, moving past “going with the flow” or acting out cultural conditioning, and taking control of one’s life and using free will to work towards one’s human goals and aspirations.

  38. 38

    LEO, you’ve raised so many fascinating points. One in particular leaps out at me, from your Comment #37. I’m curious what you’ all think of as Big Boy Skills and Big Girl Skills.

    To me, one of the hardest Big Girl Skills involves taking time to go through little details and get them right. At the opposite end of creativity! Yet I’m determined to improve at this. (Very relevant to a project I’ve worked on for 1 1/2 years and hope to make live at the soonest opportunity… when it can be done properly.)

  39. 39
    Tatiana says:

    Recently I came to realization there are no bad decisions or big mistakes in life. It’s more about learning experiences and growth that follows. Sometimes it could be painful.

  40. 40
    Tatiana says:

    When I start regretting some of my past decisions, I always try to pull myself back to reality, and remind myself to look for solutions

  41. 41
    Tatiana says:

    Sometimes solution is to book a personal RES session, sometimes is to remind myself how much I grown since the time I made the tough decision.

    Or sometimes is to find some extra compassion to myself.

  42. 42
    Kylie says:

    Leo, I love these comments.

    Follow through is still a hard part of decision making for me, not backing out of decisions made (when as you put it,no new information has come to light regarding that decision.)

  43. 43
    Kylie says:

    Rose, this is one of the hardest things for me:

    “To me, one of the hardest Big Girl Skills involves taking time to go through little details and get them right. At the opposite end of creativity! Yet I’m determined to improve at this”
    I had this in mind for my next session intention, getting better at this skill.

  44. 44
    Olivia Swan says:

    Rose, I don’t regret decisions like I used to.

    Back in the days of drugs and drinking I would torture myself for years for bad decisions. Now, if I’m not happy with a decision I’ve made, I learn what I can and move on.

  45. 45
    Olivia Swan says:

    My decision making skills have improved immensely since quitting drugs and drinking and also having plenty of sessions to remove the stuff that was clouding my judgment.

    The way I see it, the less stuff I have, the clearer I see the truth, and so the more natural it feels to make the decision that is best for me.

  46. 46
    Becky says:

    The best Big Girl Skill I recall learning that it isn’t all about me; people don’t always act or react because of something I’ve said or done.

    I used to feel overly guilty and look for ways I might have “caused” someone to feel or act a certain way. Such a waste of time and energy.

  47. 47

    Wonderful contributions, everyone!

    Isn’t it fascinating, which Big Girl and Big Boy skills different people are learning?

  48. 48
    Engineer Jesse says:

    I have doubted myself quite a bit regarding not being able to follow through with action after making a decision…but what I have found is that I am not ready to take action.

    I think I’m ready but I’m not.

  49. 49
    Engineer Jesse says:

    So like Rose has mentioned in Comment 38 regarding going through details, I have been learning to be meticulous, to go back to assumptions I had and review them to see where I have incorrect understandings.

  50. 50
    Engineer Jesse says:

    The other part to this is evaluation versus judgement.

    Its important to evaluate the result of decisions that have been made to see if you are where you need to be. But judging and blaming is probably not going to help much…

  51. 51
    Jean says:

    Thank you Rose for this post – and much appreciation for all the great comments that really got me thinking.

    From Liane.. especially comments #13 to 15 and #24 to #26.
    And Tatianas comment #39!

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