Willpower. That’s what so many of us turn to.
Why? Because we’re stuck and we know it. Meaning well, we reach conclusions like:
- I’ve “got” to push myself to take that exercise class.
- If only I had more discipline, I’d practice my guitar every day. I should use my willpower. Otherwise, I’ll feel so disgusted with myself.
- Control my temper! I must do a better job at that.
Do you ever worry that you lack enough willpower? In this article you’ll learn about alternatives. What works far better than controlling yourself?
First of All, Willpower Is Highly Over-Rated
Recently, Blog-Buddies, we’ve been considering how Collective Consciousness influences us. These ideas are entrenched in society. Becoming, figuratively, like ruts in a road. And literally like go-to habits in our own subconscious minds.
Finding the “need” to use willpower is hardly an original thought. Like over 19 million hits I just got, googling “Use More Willpower.”
No wonder, when it comes to problem solving, many of us fall into the rut of believing: Willpower. I need willpower. I’ve got to try harder.
A Hilarious Example. (To me.)
The Psychology Today website has published an article online. Calling it, “How to Boost Your Willpower.”
Oh, sure. Let us bow down and venerate the alleged benefits of willpower. (Supposedly.)
My question: Why bother? Specifically, why waste your time boosting willpower? Shoving it. Growing it. Grooming it like a dog who belongs on a throne?
Here’s why. Echoing the roar in Collective Consciousness… According to Psychology Today, willpower and self-control are essential for a happy and successful life.
Look, I could go through that article with you, paragraph by paragraph. Refuting all the way.
Really, though, belief in the magical importance of willpower is a matter of opinion. In the rest of this article, I’m going to give you mine.
An opinion informed by facilitating thousands of RES Energy HEALING sessions. (Including of all the specialties described in the tabbed crimson box at that link just supplied. Each of which can, IMHO, solve problems better than straining to develop more willpower.)
What Results from Pushing Ourselves to Try Harder?
We succeed beyond our wildest dreams.
Only I don’t mean gaining the sought-for results. Usually that doesn’t happen. Oops, sheer force of will might be more suited to boxing than to personal growth.
So forget about the desired results. Instead, what does “Using my willpower” always accomplish? Long-term, making ourselves feel terrible! Maybe beyond our wildest dreams. 😉
And more specifically, using free will to push ourselves can result in feeling:
- Or guilty
- Even weak
Often, we might think. “Willpower works so well for everybody else” (supposedly). Why not me?”
Ha, that’s an illusion, folks!
Beating Yourself up to Improve Yourself?
What a cruel “solution”! Especially since trying to bludgeon yourself with sheer force of will? That simply doesn’t work well for most people.
Instead, what have I found, helping clients? Shoulding yourself — yeah, let’s call “should-ing” a verb — shoulding yourself mainly succeeds at this: Energetically, it puts Psychic Coercion into your aura.
And what’s Psychic Coercion? It’s a form of EnerJunk, or STUFF, in auras.
Like all kinds of STUFF, Psychic Coercion causes problems. Basically, it saps self-confidence.
Ironically, gunking up your aura is the main consequence of using willpower.
Go back and you’ll see it in Examples #1, #2, and #3 at the top of this post: Ways of thinking that result in Psychic Coercion. This, in turn, makes a person less likely to exercise or stop yelling or make beautiful music with a guitar.
What can work better than shoulding yourself?
You Might Prefer to Talk to Yourself Like This
When you aim to do something, avoid telling yourself I should. I must. I’ve got to.
Instead, say things like: I plan to. I’d like to. I aim to.
Back in the day, my mother used to say: Never force a machine. Figure out how to make it work. Or else leave it alone.
Just don’t push. Otherwise, you’ll break it.
Couldn’t the same apply to that ultra-sensitive machine, your inner self?
Besides, Do You Know this Dirty Little Secret about Willpower?
Trying to force ourselves can become a vicious cycle. Controlling ourselves isn’t natural. So the harder we force, the worse that cycle of unnatural effort becomes. Like:
- I’ve got to control my temper. Never yell. Never yell. Don’t let myself yell.
- Then finding myself in the midst of a screaming rant. Oops! (Yet somehow yelling like this feels so goooooood.)
- I just blew it. So bad! Now I must really work at it. NEVER yell. NEVER yell.
Look, I’ve helped RES clients break that kind of cycle. If you have been fighting yourself in this manner, please: Don’t just try harder. Get a professional on board to help, a professional you trust. Whether it’s your minister, you psychotherapist, your life coach, or an RES expert.
But How Does Willpower Differ from Other Kinds of Learning?
Manners, for instance. Growing up, you were taught manners, right? Did it feel natural to learn how to use knives, forks, spoons, chopsticks, whatever?
Oh, that scary silverware education, when I was a girl! Night after night, I’d flunk. Parents would scold. then I’d cry.
Learning how to use a fork was my first BIG PROBLEM in life. Would I ever learn to use those implements properly?
Yes. Ultimately that education was successful, I’m glad to report.
But, let’s be clear. Learning skills is utterly different from forcing oneself.
Could it be that you don’t yet make this vital distinction?
Then think about it now. Learning something new is altogether different from struggling to control yourself.
- Fitting a square peg into a square hole? That’s a skill.
- Struggling to cram a square peg into a round hole? That’s more like willpower. Pushing. Trying to control.
Once you get this difference, you can give yourself an important permission: Stop trying to use control as a way to solve problems.
Instead of Willpower
See if you can solve the problem in another way. Could you change your approach? Or your expectations?
Or, maybe, like me with the silverware, you have something to learn.
But what if you run out of alternatives?
Again, that’s a good reason to book an RES session. Or seek whichever kind of professional help you trust the most.
- Emphatically, don’t seek advice from a friend. Unless you’re asking for a different perspective on how to solve a problem. Meaning, a problem in objective reality.
- Struggling within yourself? Subjective reality is subtler. Making up ways to change yourself energetically or subconsciously? Those improvs can produce consequences that you don’t anticipate.
- Another warning: Please don’t use meditation to solve your human problems. Meditation doesn’t work well any more, not for those of us living in the Age of Awakening.
Please don’t use willpower. Or ask your friend to play therapist? Or, even worse, to become your own therapist. (Click on that last link and behold! 127 million hits. Talk about popular themes in Collective Consciousness!)
My Client Joe Inspired this Post
You see, we had an RES session that moved out STUFF. Freeing Joe up from his usual solution to a long-term problem.
Giving Joe an alternative to using his willpower.
At the end of the session, he said this. (And gave me permission to quote it here.)
The more STUFF moves out, the more access we have to free will.
So true. And let’s note. Free will is the opposite of controlling your will, a.k.a. willpower.
Well, what conclusions do you draw, Blog-Buddies?
What have you learned through experience about the consequences of bludgeoning yourself, willpower-wise?
Has it ever worked for you? And what has worked? Stories, please.